We're Still Alive and Kickin'

Wow!  I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I last posted here on the actual blog!  I've developed the habit of posting on the FB page every day, but when it comes to sitting down and writing a piece long enough to be "blog worthy," I just haven't had the time.

Bug has been with me for six weeks now, and in that time I have had every illness known to man.  Sinus/ear infection, upper respiratory infection, the flu, a stomach virus, and now bronchitis.  Up until last week, Bug at least had been perfectly healthy.  Then my little guy got RSV, so it's been a rough week for all of us.  Very, very thankful for an awesome Mom who has literally been camped out at my house since last Friday taking care of Bug, me, and Monkey while we've been trying to get over all of the sickness!  At least this time, I learned my lesson about saying "I need a break, already!"  You won't hear those words coming from my mouth this time around!  No sir-ee!!!  :-)

Bug Update - At 4-months-old, Bug has got to be the happiest, most content little guy I have ever met.  I always thought that Monkey was a happy baby, but he had nothing on Bug!  Bug smiles, coos, and babbles away from the moment he opens his eyes until he's asleep for the night.  Even with RSV and having to do breathing treatments every four hours, my little Bugaboo does his best to smile right through the worst of it.

He is constantly talking to his "friends" (aka. anything that has eyes ;-), and the one perk to him having RSV and having to elevate his mattress is that he has a great view of his "friends" on the wall.  Bug wakes up chattering away to Pooh Bear and Piglet until it's time to get up for the day.

He is always on the lookout for Mama, and will crane his neck in order to get to look at me from across the room.  He's trying really hard to roll from his back to his tummy, and will scoot in 360 degree circles in his attempts.  He's laughing out loud, and thinks that Mama is one funny, funny lady.  :-)

I can not get enough of this kid!  :-)

Monkey, on the other hand, isn't quite sure what he thinks of the new kid on the block.  :-)  He seems to be more intrigued than anything...  until Mama makes the grave error of actually picking up the baby.  Then Monkey comes unglued screaming "NOOOOO!!!" as he runs from the room.  :-)  For the most part, he tolerates Bug while he's in his swing.  He'll even go so far as to try to give the baby his bottle or share his cars.  He does not, however, like to share his Mama.  We've had some rough nights and some serious separation anxiety because of it.  Fortunately, Monkey's no longer a foster kiddo, so on one particularly rough night, my little guy just camped out in Mama's bed.

At almost 23-months-old, Monkey is a complete riot.  He talks non-stop, and never fails to crack me up.  His favorite phrases right now are "Come on, guys!" and "There [Mama or whatever] is!"  He is a bottomless pit when it comes to eating, has a total sweet tooth thanks to his daddy, and is constantly asking for chips, cookies, cheese, [gold]fish, chocolate, etc.  And his "terrible twos" come out when Mama says "no."  He loves to sing songs and will repeat everything that he hears.  He is still fascinated with Thomas the Train and has several episodes completely memorized.  Bedtime is still "our" time, where we cuddle and sing and giggle for 20 minutes straight before Monkey goes down for the night.  We sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in rounds and Monkey laughs his "crazy" laugh and tells me "I funny!  I goopy! (goofy)"

Yet another kiddo who I can't get enough of!  :-)

Things are very quiet with Bug's case.  He's had one visit with his maternal grandmother one week into being in care, but no contact with anyone since.  CPS has yet to locate his parents, and no one has bothered to call to ask about him since.  I have to admit, I'm having a difficult time getting into a "reunification" mindset when everything in me knows that my little guy needs so much more than a birth family who refuses to put him on their list of priorities.  This is the first case I've had where I don't think reunification is even remotely a good choice for my baby.  I don't think it will work, and I know my little guy will end up back in care.  The thought of sending him back to a family who chooses crime and other negative things over him terrifies me.

I'm frustrated with myself because I have always been a strong advocate for my kids' families.  I have always tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and do whatever I can to help them heal and make positive choices.  It drives me nuts when I see foster parents immediately stake a claim to their foster children and do everything they can to stand in the way of allowing a family to heal.  And while I would never purposefully stand in the way of reunification when there is even a remote chance of it working, right now, I'm just not willing to bend over backwards to make it happen when it comes to Bug like I have with all of my other kiddos.  Of all of my little ones, I think that Bug is coming from a place that just isn't safe and I don't want to send him back to that.  Not that I have a choice if that's what the State decides to do...  but I'm still (not so) secretly hoping that my little Bug will be my legal "forever."