Over Halfway There!!!
We are more than half way to our goal for
Very exciting stuff!
Thank you to everyone who has donated so far.
I know Cherub Mamma and the family
appreciate it more than words can say.
:-)
Monday, May 27, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Piece By Piece - A Fundraiser for Dude and Dolly
This past Monday, it became apparent in the case of Cherub Mamma's Dude and Dolly that the time to FIGHT is now. After over two years in care, the state is determined to send the children to an unsafe relative placement despite numerous objections from attorneys, the children themselves, and even the judge on the case. This past Monday, Cherub Mamma was flat out told by the children's attorney (and implied by the judge) "you need to intervene." I know this was a huge decision for her and her husband. They have hoped all along that the people whose job it is to stand up and keep the children safe would do their jobs. This past Monday, it was made clear that wasn't going to happen. The time to legally intervene on Dude and Dolly's behalf is now.
The decision to do so is huge. Not only does it invite additional stress, fear, and worry into an already ridiculously stressful case, the decision adds an element that has not previously been a factor... Intervening is expensive. In complicated cases, it can be seemingly insurmountably expensive to the tune of $15,000-$20,000. That alone is frightening. I know that fear is one that has been tearing at Cherub Mamma, but I also know that it doesn't have to.
Cherub Mamma just ordered a 1,000 piece puzzle of a mama bear and her two cubs. For every $5 raised, their family will be able to put a piece of this puzzle together. Anyone who donates will have their names written on the back of their puzzle piece(s). When the puzzle is complete, Cherub Mamma and her family will have a tangible keepsake with the names of every person who helped fight so hard to keep Dude and Dolly safe and to keep their family together.
To sponsor a puzzle piece, simply click the "Donate" button on the upper right-hand side of the blog and follow the prompts. All donations go into an account that will be released as the attorney bills come piling in. You can follow the progress here by checking the donation tracker under the donate button as well as watching the puzzle come to life on Cherub Mamma's blog.
I honestly believe that if every person who has been praying for Dude and Dolly over the past two years would sponsor just one puzzle piece, we can help give these children the permanency they deserve in a safe home filled with love.
"Foster Friday" Panel - It Is (or It's Not) What I Thought It Would Be
The only thing predictable about foster care is its UN-predictability!
This week's "Foster Friday" panel topic touches on each of our initial expectations, and the reality of our foster care journeys.
I didn’t come to fostering with any kind of Pollyanna expectations. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, the kids would be traumatized and the system that was supposed to help them often caused them harm. I knew our love couldn’t fix everything, but I also knew that love and stability were a good place to start. I was prepared for most of the day-to-day obstacles that foster care entails. It’s the extremes that have surprised me…the so much. So much more joy, happiness, fun, rewarding, satisfying, healing than I expected. So much more stress, heartache, grief, loss, trauma. So much more complicated.
Our first placement ended badly, with a child neglect allegation against me that was later unfounded by CPS and dismissed by the court. But we did lose the sweet girls, and their case later went to adoption so it often felt as though we lost our daughters and caused them more trauma in the process. I felt so much guilt, and I was forced to rely so much on the support of others, something that does not come easily to me. I was also very confused. I felt called to being a foster parent, but if that was to be the outcome of our very first placement, maybe I had it wrong. So much uncertainty.
With the support of our agency, we stuck it out. I’m so glad we did. Our next placement brought us so much joy. So much healing, both for hubby and myself and for the infant and toddler we were lucky enough to love on for 13 months. And then that placement brought us so much grief. Saying goodbye was, hands down, the hardest thing hubby and I have ever experienced. Going from extreme happiness to extreme sadness was tough, but we were gratified to see that the system could work the way it was supposed to. Kids could be healed through foster care and then be placed in a loving and appropriate family placement. We could form healthy, supportive relationships with bio-families, as we had hoped when we started foster care.
We moved ahead with two new placements, non-sibling. And it was so much harder this time. We struggled to bond with our new foster son, SuperD, and struggled not get too attached to our new foster daughter, Monkey, so much more afraid of having our hearts broken again. We have persevered, forged a bond with SuperD and realized that the idea of not attaching to Monkey was just silly. We’ve learned that every placement, every bond, is different and that there’s no right or wrong. We no longer expect to feel the same about every child we care for.
I consider us to be semi-experienced foster parents at this point. We’ve been through the wringer, and we survived! I don’t know if I would say my expectations were met. Certainly, I didn’t expect the rocky start our journey had. I didn’t expect to fall head over heels in love, though I did know saying goodbye would be difficult (understatement of the year). I didn’t expect to have a hard time bonding with a child or to be afraid to bond. I didn’t expect to never know what to expect! We still have so much to learn and experience as foster parents, so much to look forward to with Monkey, SuperD and whatever or whoever else this journey throws at us!
This is NOT what I expected!
I swear…Tammy always seems to need the panel posts right when drama is peaking in my house. But after court on Monday, I can most certainly say that my foster care adventure is NOT what I expected!
When we fostered in Iowa we went in to things with the full intent of just fostering. We wanted to help children and be there for families. When we got the call about Cherub 2 needing a forever home, we were floored. We said yes!! (There was no hesitation!!) They placed him. THEN I asked the caseworker how all this was going to work. I didn’t think we had checked that tiny box that said "adoption" when we did our home study. I was beyond thankful when his caseworker said she’d “take care of things” and fix our paperwork so that we would be eligible to adopt.
Not what I expected!!
Then we had to move. We stopped fostering.
Again…not what I expected.
You see…we had resisted getting in to foster care in Iowa. But when we finally obeyed the call, I knew it was the right thing for our family. When faced with having to stop fostering, I was bothered. God had convicted my heart. I wanted to help more families!! But we moved several times. Most of the moves were short term. When we were finally planted somewhere long enough where we could foster, we lived in a tiny (very tiny) three bedroom duplex. We didn’t have the square-footage to foster!! I remember being frustrated that God had given me a calling and wasn’t letting me do it. (It was a silly argument on my part for sure! The family in the other half of my duplex had a child “from the hurt places”. I helped them. I supported them. I loved on that boy. But at the time, it didn’t feel right. In retrospect, I was fostering! He just didn’t live on my side of the house.)
We moved a couple more times and finally settled in Deep South Texas. We bought a house. God blessed us with a HUGE house. The time to “officially” foster struck again.
But my fostering experience here has again not been what I expected! I thought it would be similar to what it was like in Iowa. Not the adoption part…but the fostering part. I thought we would help families reunify. I thought all sorts of things.
But the rules are different in Texas. The licensing/training process is different. The expectations are different. The court system is different. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. has been different.
Here in Texas, the rules are much more strict than they were in Iowa!! The training is repetitive and a waste of time. I am expected to care for the children but not really “care”. In fact, I’ve been accused to being too attached to the children in my home. And the court system….oh that court system. Nothing seems to make sense with that to me down here at all!!
Now, after almost two years of caring for Dude & Dolly, I’ve given up on trusting the State to act in their best interests. Up until Monday I never thought I’d be hiring a lawyer. I never expected things to drag out like they have. And since I believe the State is making a grave mistake with their permanency plan, we are going to intervene. I never expected this!!
So far I've been pretty blessed. My second placement went home to daddy after five long months. My third placement went to grandpa after only nine short days. I still have placement one, and now I also have placement number four. Out of all the placements, there has only been one CW that I don't really like. Everyone else at the agency has been wonderful! They're kind, caring, and really seem to want the best for everyone involved. I didn't expect that at all.
Other things that are different than my thoughts about Care:
I hadn't expected to care as much as I have about bios.
I hadn't expected to make some really good friends in other local foster parents.
I expected a lot more sleepless nights with the older kiddos.
I thought I could handle any situation that a foster kid could bring, but I was wrong. (I don't handle RAD well at all!)
I didn't think I'd be so tired after their bed times that I wouldn't want to crochet.
I didn't expect to get a newborn that screamed EVERY SECOND he was awake for five and a half months.
I didn't think I'd learn so much from bios.
I never knew (but learned quickly) how annoyed I'd get at talking kids' toys.
I never knew how much Disney Junior would be on in my house.. or that I'd know all the theme music on it.
I never knew I'd fall so in love with some of my babies that it would physically hurt.
I never thought my house would be over run with baby things, or that I'd put a changing table in my dining room.
I never thought I'd figure out the best way to prop a baby bottle. (I have twins, one that takes two hands to feed.)
I never thought I would have SO MUCH LAUNDRY!
I never thought I would feel this blessed!
Foster care is everything I thought it would be and more. We thought we would be able to help join families together whether it was by reunification, family placement or adoption would just depend on each case.
Our first placement was the perfect example of this. We were simply that bridge of getting our girls from where they shouldn't be to where they should be. They just needed a little help getting there and we were that help. I can never regret our decision to foster because of the experience we had with those girls.
We were able to speak up for the bio family and walk side by side in getting the girls where they belonged. Knowing that they are safe and well cared for and we had just a tiny part in that is enough to make it through some of the hard days of the next case.
When we decided to foster I think our expectations were high and probably a bit euphoric. We were going to rescue and save all these little ones. Everyone would love us for it because we were helping with something so amazing. Sure, I expected a little negative feedback from birth families - I might feel the same way towards the foster family that had my children. However, I never expected to be working along side CPS professionals who were not at all supportive. Most of my interactions with case mangers and supervisors have been great. There is one case in particular when I had to bite my tongue so hard I thought it might bleed. I was disrespected and told that I was not looking out for the best interest of the child. After the case manager had spent two minutes with my little foster one in a lobby they declared there was no way that this child was developmentally delayed. Despite having a referral from early intervention for the Division of Developmental Disabilities and failed milestones exams by both a Pediatrician and Developmental Psychologist. No, it was me. I wanted to label the child.
Even when cases are going well, regardless of case plan, it is so important to advocate for the child. If you aren't willing to be their advocate then it probably won't get done. Who then will advocate that the child participate in activities, have therapies, get haircuts when the child desires them yet the parents put up road blocks and power struggles? Who will ensure that the child's voice is being heard? That behavior before and after visits is recorded? All of this needs to be done and I had no idea that most of this responsibility would fall on me as a foster parent. I knew we had become foster parents because we loved children, had big hearts, wanted to help and because at some point we wanted to add to our family. The more we became involved in the amazing foster world it became so obvious that while fostering is not for everyone it was for us. I learned just how strong I could be and that even though I have been broken into a million pieces I can be made whole again. Being that 'mama' for little ones and advocating for their best interests and needs became a passion of ours. I wanted to help them put all those pieces back together again too. If I had known how hard it was beforehand to do what we do I probably wouldn't have done it. Honestly, I wouldn't have. HOWEVER, if I had known beforehand how amazing it has helped us grow personally and as a family and the forever littles that would come to us... I'd do it a hundred times over. It's the bitter and the sweet that make it worth it.
For years we begged for another sibling. I don’t think I truly expected another sibling, or that I would have more than one baby sibling to come. Or that they would be “temporary” siblings. As I look back to the days when my siblings and I would meet “secretly” and pray for another baby sibling, reminding each other that “where two or more are gathered…” I had no idea how the Lord would answer those prayers. Looking back, His answers are so totally NOT what I had expected! (They are WAYYY better!)
I didn’t expect that my prayers would come true, first of all.
I didn’t expect that my dad would be so on board and my mom so not-on-board.
I didn’t expect that it would take so long to be approved (it took us almost 3 years from the time we handed in our first application until we opened).
I didn’t expect that there would be such a long wait for placements (2.5 months, 1 month, 3 months).
I didn’t expect that I would feel so immature each time a new baby arrived- 2 years or 20 years, it’s a big transition when you become a big sister.
I didn’t expect that it would be so hard to be away from home and to be at university- hours away from the changes occurring in our family.
I didn’t expect to feel so lonely at school- because few can relate to what it’s like back home.
I didn’t expect to be glared at, congratulated, and asked “Is this your first?” every time I was out in public with my baby brother or sister.
I didn’t expect that it would be so difficult to answer people’s questions.
I didn’t expect to have the urge to baby-proof my dorm ;)
I didn’t expect to stay in contact with our babies families after they left (we still have contact with both kids who left, and our first even came back into care and to us for a bit).
I didn’t expect to feel more like a mother than a baby-sitter.
I didn’t expect to feel so passionate about fighting for these kids.
I didn’t expect that fostering would change my career path from doctor to social worker.
I didn’t expect to feel so angry at the system and workers.
I didn’t expect that I would have so much contact with the bio families of our kids (SO thankful for this!)
I didn’t expect that I would feel that my mom was so powerless.
I didn’t expect that I would attend my registration for university each year with a baby in tow :-)
I didn’t expect that my peers would be worrying about grades and summer jobs and other normal stuff and I would be worrying about all that plus court, visits, meetings, child development, and fighting for the voiceless babies in our home.
I didn’t expect to feel so blessed.
I didn’t expect to be so changed.
What did I expect when I decided to foster? I expected to bring a baby home to love on and care for while the parents got their "act" together so the child could go back home. Honestly, other than taking care of a child I really didn't know what to expect. Our 10 weeks of training classes taught us what "could be" brought into the home....behaviors, workers, etc. We were told the "goal" was for the case to be done within 12 months.
Never did I think we would have 23 placements in 3 years. We started with one placement and quickly decided to take a 2nd. Other than our first placement staying for 7 months, our first year was a revolving door of babies. We got the call for our 13th placement on our 1 year anniversary of being licensed. We never had more than 2 foster children in our home at one time. One baby went back home in less than 24 hours all the others went to family. We were also told to be prepared for a case to go longer than 12 months...sometimes it just happens. Well after our first year I never thought we would have a case go that long. Here we are 2 1/2 years later with placement #13 and only a little glimmer of an end in sight. We adopted #12 and #1 came back to us 2 1/2 years later and we just adopted him last month.
Every case is different. We have some great friends who were in training with us and have been licensed the same amount of time. They have had a total of 3 foster children (they've done quite a bit of respite) to our 23. Their 3rd placement went to family. But their first two cases both dragged out for over 2 years (their 2nd one is still going, their 1st they adopted). I just never expected us to embark on the same journey but have such differing paths!
Another thing that I just don't think anyone can honestly prepare for is the emotional roller coaster. Sure they can tell you it will be hard to say goodbye. That's the "excuse" most people give when they tell you why they could never be a foster parent. Sometimes its not just about saying goodbye but "knowing" where they are going to. No one's home will ever be as good as yours. Also, living with the "stuff" that they bring with them. We have only had babies and toddlers but oh have we dealt with some "stuff". They can teach you in training about everything under the sun. Until you live it, though, you honestly have no clue how hard taking care of these kids can be. Even still, its hard to say good bye to those hard cases. You bring them along so far and then they leave.
Lastly, when we started out our biological girls were 5 and 7. Watching these girls give love generously is just amazing. They have never once asked us to stop. They don't complain about having all these little ones around. They are so excited to share a new placement or announce to the world that we are adopting. Foster Care has been so much more rewarding than we could ever have expected.
During the summer of 2000, leading up to the months before our first placement, I was seven years old and the youngest of four girls. My parents attended their PRIDE training classes every week, and on those nights I got to stay home with my big sisters and watch Star Wars and eat pizza. To my young, maturing mind the weekly pizza was a highlight; that was enough to make whatever we were about to go through completely worth it. The only thing I really knew about this whole process, and even about foster care in general, was that our empty bedroom now had a crib. I knew that for some reason there were parents in the world who couldn’t take care of the children, for whatever reason, and so my family would do that.
I really liked baby dolls and had big plans that my 8th birthday would be a baby shower, where all of my friends would give me clothes for my new Lee Middleton baby doll. We had planned out lots of baby shower games that fit it perfectly with my daydream to one day have lots and lots of babies. The night was so much fun, and the pictures from that birthday party still make me smile.
What I didn’t know during all of that birthday party planning was that there would be a real baby in our home during that time, a 3-month-old little girl with 12 fractured bones. I didn’t know that my mom would spend the evening of my party upstairs with this baby, trying to ease her pain, as her ribs popped every time she took a breath.
For an 8-year-old who was the baby of the family and had always had a lot of attention, my world changed drastically when we began fostering. I suddenly had to share my mom with lots of other kids, and acknowledge that I no longer had her undivided attention.
Looking back on our 10 years of foster care, absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the things we would experience (and continue to experience with the adoptions of my 4 younger siblings) as a family. It hasn’t all been pretty. In fact, a lot of it has been really ugly and nasty. Foster care has changed me and molded me (and is the reason I am sitting here frantically studying for my social work policy final!).
The trials are real, and sometimes the trenches seem too deep to climb out of. I look back to those early days of foster care and am thankful that the 8-year-old me didn’t know what all was coming. Not because it was, or is, bad, but because if my family had known the trials that were coming our way, we might have let fear hold us back. The greatest tragedy I can think of is missing out on the blessing of all of my siblings, both the ones that stayed forever and the ones that left. They are so worth it.
When I attended my first orientation nearly five years ago, my expectations going into care were high. I hoped to become a mom. I knew that chances were I would say "goodbye" to little ones before I had the opportunity to adopt, but our trainer assured us throughout the course of the following six weeks, "Most families get to adopt within the first three placements." That was so NOT my reality, and to be honest...
I couldn't be happier!!!
I didn't expect to feel so much compassion for some of my little ones' birth families.
I didn't expect to want them to succeed, because their success would mean losing my chance to adopt.
I didn't expect to fall madly, deeply in love with baby boys with only two teeth. (I swear, there's just something about those two teeth... ;-)
I didn't expect that the pain of saying "goodbye" to my children would lead to the immense joy of saying "hello" to more.
I didn't expect to feel a mother's love for a teenage girl who I never even fostered.
I didn't expect to be co-parenting one of my little guys with his single daddy over a year after he got out of care.
I didn't expect that I would become "Mommy, Mom, Mimi, Mama" to so many little ones and their families, and would continue to be that years after CPS was no longer in the picture.
I didn't expect that my family holidays would include a house filled with all of my current and former foster sons, my honorary daughters, my honorary son-in-law, my honorary granddaughter, nieces and nephews, an awesome sister and brother-in-law, and the best Nana and Papa any child could ever hope for.
I didn't expect to look at my life nearly five years after that first orientation and know without a doubt that this is exactly where I am meant to be.
I expected to be a "forever" mom...
I just never expected the way it would happen. I am a "forever" mom. I have an amazing family with "forever" sons and daughters ranging in age from seven months to 20 years old. I have a son-in-law who does everything any other good son-in-law would do for his wife's mom. I have a granddaughter who loves her Mimi like crazy and who I get to spoil rotten and send back home like any good Mimi would do. :-) I have a grown daughter who I cherish more than she'll ever know, a 2-year-old who is my heart in human form, and a baby whose smile lights up my world.
My "reality" is SO MUCH BETTER than my expectations ever were!
Friday, April 19, 2013
2013 "Foster Friday" Panel Introductions
At long last, "Foster Fridays" has returned!!! I'm so excited to have put together another great group of women (and a foster dad!) who have been touched by Foster/Adopt Land. I hope that our thoughts, opinions, and experiences can provide a good support system to each other, help newcomers in the foster/adopt world, and maybe help others not directly affected by foster care gain a better understanding of the system and the special needs of the children who mean so much to us.
We were approved in August 2009 and our first little guy came to our home nine days later. He stayed with us for ten months and went to live happily with his grandparents. Our second placement came five weeks later, a girl (!). She was here just over six months and went to live with her aunt and uncle. We then decided to take a foster care break.
After a lot of soul searching we decided to adopt from waiting children. Six months and not a single call back, we opened our home again. A few days later at 9pm our phone rang for a thirty-five day old boy. He would change our lives forever. After a LONG drawn out process (including saying goodbye), he became our forever on February 7, 2013. He is a thriving 2-year-old boy so full of energy, if I could sell it, we'd all be rich. During his short "goodbye" we accepted a placement of a special needs little girl. Our sweet Carlee is two and a half with a long list of medical needs and issues. She's a gem of a child and I can see her true self just under the surface waiting to break free. Her case has been to termination and we're just waiting on paperwork to make her legally ours forever.
As a larger family of 11, 9, 7, 2.5, and 2-year-old, we're busy! Church, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, many specialists and therapies, oh! and we homeschool! I blog about our journey at www.live-with-laughter.blogspot.com where I try to remember to laugh each and every day. Our life is crazy, and busy, horribly sad, and overwhelmingly joyful, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
We were licensed in October 2009. Our first placement was Miss M at 5 1/2 month in January 2010. She was a "likely" adoption placement and we finalized her adoption in August 2010 right after she turned 1. It was a whirlwind, but such a blessing. We then took a short break. I finally convinced my husband that we should foster again and he agreed after we were told it would be a long wait. On January 26th I sent a note to the SW we were ready again, and on January 31st we got a call about a 3 month old baby girl. That was at 10am on a Monday morning, and she was in our arms at 3pm. Baby Charlie's bio-mom and bio-dad relinquished to us in November 2011. We are in the process of learning the ropes of an open adoption. We've been doing visits with the biological family since December 2011. Her adoption was finalized November 2012.
Our son loves being a big brother, but has requested a boy next time. We are still undecided on whether we will continue to foster again. Our SW really want us to "really experience fostering," so we will see.
Follow Carly's journey at http://candcfamily.blogspot.com
We did foster care for several years when we lived in Iowa. In fact, that’s how Cherub 2 became a part of our permanent family. Then my husband’s job took us on a wild ride all over the US. We’ve landed in DEEP South Texas for now and we’ve been fostering for almost three years (though is seems much longer than that).
We currently have five cherubs in the home. Three are here forever and two are fosters. We’ve had several placements and we’ve done quite a bit of respite care. The little ones with us now have been here for almost two years. Their case is something of a disaster and it is likely that they will leave us at their next court hearing.
Having no children of our own, as teachers we still get plenty of kid time each day, with hundreds of students -- elementary for her and middle school for me. However, we have often talked about expanding our home family. Through foster care, we get that chance to care for the protection and provision of any child that comes through our door. There is always a need, in all of our communities. Through blogging at fostercaredad.com, I hope to increase awareness on how others can be involved, provide support, and simply share our adventures as new foster parents.
My partner and I have been fostering for almost ten months. We have placement numbers 1, 6, 7, and 8 right now. We are a foster/adopt family, hoping one day to have a brood of our own. In addition to our babies, we also watch our neighbor kids most days. They feel more like ours than our foster babies do, and they love our babies more than they love each other.
We seem to be the family that the agency likes to give the drug babies to. Maybe it's because I'm a SAHM, but I like to think it's because of my sunny and calm disposition. At the beginning of the year when we got our newest placement, we had our 6.5 month old and then got 10 day old preemie, drug addicted twins and their 22 month old brother.
Life is sure busy now, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!
Debbie - I've been married 10 years and a mom for 5. We entered the world of adoption in Oct 2005 and we adopted our daughter via domestic infant adoption in April 2008. We have an open adoption with our daughter's biological mom and family. We are also a Tran racial family.
Oct 2010 we began the process of becoming licensed foster/adopt parents. We changed states which slowed our process down a lot but eventually we were licensed and welcomed our first placement of two girls in October 2011. We very quickly learned there was a family member that was who the girls should be with and we had the privilege of working along side them and speaking on their behalf at a hearing for them to get custody of the girls almost 5 months later.
Our next chapter began in July 2012 when we welcomed home a one month old baby girl. If there could ever be two cases more completely opposite we have had them. We supervised visits with our girls and their family but it was more like hanging out as friends. Now we had twice weekly visits with our baby's biological mom and we were not to supervise ever. We were counting down the weeks until the next court hearing when out of no where we were told she was leaving to go to a relative placement. We had about 2 weeks of transition before we said goodbye. But in those 6 months we had gotten to know the biological mom enough for her to trust us and know how much we loved her baby girl, so she set up a time for us to see her again. Such a blessing it was. And then we had an overnight visit with her. And then after being gone 6 weeks she came back to us.
And that's where we are today.
Follow Debbie's foster/adopt journey at: http://alwaysandforeverfamily.blogspot.com/
After that, I had a break of several months until I received the call about my Baby Girl. I’ve had her now for just short of a year, so we are currently awaiting a Judicial Review to see if they will change case direction. After taking her in, I received several calls for other children on a short term basis until October when I received a call about a 10 year old girl. I had her until last month when she went to live with family members.
Becoming a MOM at 40 has been a dream come true and my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. As a single mom, I’m lucky to have my parents living close by 6 months out of the year. The other 6 months, I rely on good babysitters from the daycare to take care of my children when I need to do things after normal daycare hours.
Foster care has been tough. No matter how often I tell myself that that there is always another child out there that needs me, it doesn’t make the thought of potentially losing my baby girl any easier. I am currently awaiting placement of another infant and possibly an older girl.
Check my blog often for stories about my journey, product reviews and giveaways. Thanks for reading!
Karen A. - I'm Karen, 21 years old, and I live in Canada. I am the second of four bio kids. We spent years begging and praying for another baby for our family, but Mom told us "we only borrow other people's babies". Little did she know us kids would find out about fostering and use her own words to convince her to sign the basic paperwork that we had already filled out for her :)
We opened in May 2011, for one baby under 24 months of age. End of July we got a phone call that a baby would be born that night, would we take her after birth. We brought Piglet home at 36hours, and she was with us for over 10 months. Her return was traumatizing in the way it was handled by the "professionals", but we had developed an amazing relationship with Piglet's parents and continued borrowing her for weekends approximately once a month after she was reunified. She was returned end of May, and end of June a 6wk baby girl, B, was placed with us. She was only with us for 6 weeks, and went to live with Grandma and Mom (Grandma having kinship) at the end of August. We waited until November, and then a two week old baby boy, Savon, joined our family straight out of the NICU- he was born a month premature. He's been with us since then, and we have no idea how long he'll be with us. The goal at this point is still reunification.
At the end of January, we found out Piglet was back in care. We fought for a month, opened a second baby bed, and finally she moved back into our home about a month ago. We have no idea how long she'll be with us. You can follow our journey as we "love them like we'll have them forever, knowing we probably won't" at www.nuggetsfromthenuthouse.blogspot.com. I'm also a social work student, hoping to go into child welfare- because as the saying goes, if you can't beat 'em- join 'em!
Karen C. - Hello from the Campbell Clan! Our family currently lives in Central Florida and consists of Ron and Karen (dad and mom), our two biological daughters Emily (10) and Regan (8), our adopted daughter Kara (2), our foster son "J" (3), and our foster daughter "M" (2). ("J" came to live with us a week after our family picture was taken.)
Almost 4 years ago we decided to venture into the world of foster. We had absolutely no clue what we were getting into and knew no one who was currently a foster parent. All we did know was that there were a lot of children right in our own backyard who needed a place to call home. In August 2009 we started the 10 week MAPP training classes. On December 10, 2009 we got the call we were "officially" licensed and then that same night we got the call for our very first placement.
In the 3 years we have been licensed we have had 23 placements and have said goodbye to 21 of those placements. Our shortest placement stayed literally over night and left. Our longest placement has been 2 years (and counting). Our daughter Kara was our 12th placement. She came to us at 15 days old and we finalized her adoption when she was 20 months old. "J" was our very first placement. He came to us at 3 weeks old and left us at 8 months old to go live with relatives. Those relatives eventually started the process to adopt him. Too many red flags came up and after living with those relatives for 2 1/2 years the state decided to place him in an adoptive placement. That adoptive placement fell through and 2 weeks later and exactly 3 years and 4 days from the date he initially came to live with us, he was placed back in our home. We will hopefully be finalizing his adoption sometime in the month of April (hopefully before this is even posted). "M" and Kara are only 4 weeks apart in age. We got "M" straight from the NICU at 13 days old. She was our 13th placement and I have to say our most frustrating case. She is our "2 years and counting" placement. You can read our blog to catch up on her case and see what we are dealing with right at the moment.
Kylee - My exposure to foster care began at the age of seven, when my parents made the decision to become licensed foster parents. With four biological children, my parents entered into this journey in October of 2000 with no intention of adopting, but simply looking for a practical, tangible, ministry that we could be involved in as a family. Those years of having babies and toddlers come through our home, and learning to care for abused and neglected children were some of the most pivotal, challenging, and vital years of my childhood.
While my parents were not seeking adoption, God had different plans for us; by His grace, he has allowed us to be a forever family to not one child, or two, or three...but to FOUR of the worlds greatest kids! So now here I sit, 19-years-old and big sister to four incredible (often times still-hurting), kids. They are currently 11, 10, 7, and 4, and have all come from different backgrounds and pasts.
I am currently in college and am pursuing a degree in social work, with hopes of staying involved in the foster care/adoption community in some form or fashion. I am passionate about sharing my experience of growing up with foster siblings, chronicling my journey of learning how to be a big sister to children from “hard places”, as well as raising awareness about the orphan crisis. I am also addicted to blogging, and can hardly write fast enough to keep up with this crazy adventure my family is on. You can follow my thoughts on adoption, read stories of bonding and attachment, and listen to me complain about college cafeterias and community bathrooms at learningtoabandon.blogspot.com
Mama C - Hey y’all! My name is Mama C and I am from the fabulous southern part of our country. My hubby and I were born and raised here & LOVE it! We’ve been married almost 8 years and have no biological children. We tried to conceive for a few years before considering adoption. Well, long story very short…we knew we wanted to foster to eventually adopt. We had no clue the amazing journey we were starting…
Since summer 2011, we’ve had 4 placements, all girls. We still have contact with the three that have left us (I KNOW IT’S RARE-WE ARE BLESSED). We are currently awaiting TPR for the one with us now. We have the full support of our family and our friends. All of our babies are a part of our family while they are with us & so far even after they leave us. I honestly tell people, that while I know we are helping the children, I feel like we gain so much more than they do! We do plan on continuing to foster even after we eventually adopt.
I can safely say that foster care has been the craziest, most stressful, happiest, saddest, and most rewarding experience of our lives. And more thing---if you don’t foster, never say you couldn’t because you would get to attached---trust me people…we are human & get attached, too!!!! (Sorry, major pet peeve of mine. :-) Also, I don’t have a public blog. And I chose the picture to represent me because I truly feel like while these children are in our care…we literally hold their hearts in our hands.
MamaP - Hey, y'all! I'm MamaP, best friend and wife of 10 years to PapaP. Foster care has been a dream of mine since I was 12 and was friends with a foster-adopt family of 27. We discussed and agreed upon it before getting married, but as an "afterthought" to the 3 boys and 1 girl we would have. God has a sense of humor, however, and blessed us with infertility. One biological son, nine foster placements, and two out-of-state foster care pre-adoptive placements later, we've realized that God's plans for us are far more rich and deep than anything we could dream up ourselves.
Follow MamaP at: www.ourkidsareborrowed.blogspot.com
Of course, even though I can write that in one sentence the experience hasn't been quite as smooth as it sounds. We began fostering after learning of severe infertility that amounts to sterility caused by male factor infertility from birth - a.k.a. with a 0% chance of conceiving our biological son is a modern-day miracle. Our only option to expand our family was to adopt and foster-to-adopt seemed to be the best option for our family. I write about our journey in part to capture our experience, in part as a therapeutic endeavor, and primarily as a way to share with other foster/adopt parents or prospective foster/adopt parents the realities of the system and how they too can invest in the lives of the children out there who desperately need a stable home to heal.
We're currently waiting for our sweet baby's siblings to join us from a shelter - we've been waiting for 4 months in a case that promises not to disappoint in the difficulty arena. That being said, our experiences in foster care have taught me that life can be more than I ever imagined, if I'd only learn to let go of myself and trust my Creator..
Yolanda - My name is Yolanda I am a 38 year old single foster mom. I have been fostering for a year. I am licensed as a foster to adopt and hoping to have the opportunity to adopt soon. I foster babies infant to 2. I decided to do foster care because I love kids and because I wanted to help kids in need. When I first thought about fostering I did not know that you could legally adopt. I went to a informal information session on foster care and found tons of information on fostering, foster/adopting and straight adoption. I knew that I had been placed in this situation at just the right time. I had recently found out that I am not able to have any children of my own and had been mourning the loss of having a kids and a family.
I truly felt this was the path that God had chosen for me. So I jumped in head first. In 4 days I researched all the different licensing agencies, interviewed the ones that I was most interested in and chose a license agent. Once chose my agency they informed me that I would not be able to start my MAPP classes for another 2-3 months because that is when the next class they were offering started. That was not acceptable to me I was determined to do this now. So I checked the MAPP training schedules of other agencies and called them to see if I could take their classes and stay with my agency. During my training my license worker gave me a huge packet of all the things that I was required for my license and home study. I had everything submitted to her by my 5th MAPP class. During that 12 weeks I managed to transform one of my spare bedrooms into baby central. Got 2 car seats, stroller, everything I needed for my new arrival. It usually takes at least 6 months to get licensed. I was licensed in 3 months, I really believe if I hadn't been as persistent it would have taken much longer.
So here I am a year later. I have had 3 placements. A baby girl 4 months old she had the most amazing blue eyes and was one of the biggest babies I have ever seen. We spent the most amazing 2 months together, she left to go to her great uncle and aunts who are now adopting her. It was the perfect first placement for me. A month later my second placement was a 2 day old baby boy. He was the smallest baby I have ever held 5lbs 13oz. But from the moment I held him I was in love. We have been together for 9 months, he is my everything, and my heart is breaking because he is schedule to leave in May. My third placement was a 10 month old baby boy that I took as a emergency placement. That was the most stressful 3 days of my life.
All in all I have to say despite the heartaches of falling in love and letting go. It is all worth it. I love being a mom and giving my all to my kids.
Follow Yolanda at: http://thepathchosenforme.blogspot.com/
And last, but not least... ;-)
Tammy (aka. Mimi) - That would be me! Single lady with an obnoxiously-spoiled cat, daughter, sister, friend, cool aunt, honorary "mom", honorary "grandma", bio mom to none, but foster mom (aka. "Mimi") to seven kiddos and counting over the past 4 1/2 years...
After struggling with endometriosis for most of my adult life, I made the decision to have a hysterectomy at the age of 30. Finally pain-free after 12 years, I knew that I had made the best decision possible even though it meant that I would never be able to carry a child of my own. I spent the next 4 years trying to find a way to become the mom that I always wanted to be.
The idea of fostering always terrified me. I couldn't bear thought of losing a child who I loved as my own, but this little voice kept telling me that this was something that I could do to make a difference. I went into foster care after many, many prayerful years. I finally began to trust that God wouldn't have planted this seed in my heart only to leave me hurting and devastated, so I threw myself into loving these kids with my whole heart. I'm not sure if I can say that I've ever fully felt God's presence until I began this journey. But I can feel the change within me as more and more time goes on, and I know that can only be His promise to heal the hurt as I love these kids and let them go. With each child who comes into and out of my life, I've found that I have a stronger sense of peace, a more compassionate heart, and a faith that I had always HOPED to have, but never really knew that I could find.
One thing I do know is that God is healing my heart beyond what I had ever hoped or thought possible. Yes, it does hurt when my children leave my home and my arms, but His promise to heal that hurt has proven true time and time again. And after every healing, I find myself more and more excited and filled with the anticipation of loving another one of these children who so desperately need me for however long I'm blessed to have them in my life.
Most days I think "I Must Be Trippin'" when I talk about all of the craziness that is Foster/Adopt Land in one breath, and how much I LOVE MY LIFE in the next. Because I DO love my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.
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