Ode to My Reduction - Day Ten

On the tenth day of Boob Job

the Good Witch gave to me…

… No more pesky stains …

(I’ve always been a firm believer in proper table etiquette. Without fail, upon seating myself at the dinner table, I gently place my napkin in my lap. I must admit, however, that to this day I still haven’t a clue what purpose this serves. After completing a meal, I look down only to discover the top half of my shirt completely covered with small bits of whatever it was I’d been eating… and a perfectly spotless napkin in my lap.

Just the other morning I had to change my shirt three times before making it to work. The first shirt I put on had some sort of stain on the chest… apparently remnants from the last meal I’d eaten while wearing it. The second shirt was quickly discarded when I accidentally got toothpaste all over it. For most people, toothpaste foam isn’t that big of a deal. They just dribble in the sink. For gifted women, however, the pendulous bosoms get in the way, and the toothpaste inevitably smears all over the chest. Just when I thought I would successfully make it to work, I went to get a flyer off of my windshield and brushed my chest against my wet, dirty car. Back into the apartment I went for clothing change #3.

I am definitely looking forward to the money I’m going to save after the reduction. The amount of money I’ll save on laundry detergent alone will be a huge cut in cost… not to mention the money I’ll save on my water and electric bills… Maybe I’ll finally be able to get that summer home…)

… No more “busty” nicknames …

… Eye-contact from men …

… A little bit less cleavage …

… Clear view of my feet …

… NO MORE BACK PAIN!!! …

… No more injuries …

… Many shirts that button …

… Matching bras and panties …

And a small pair of perky boobies!