Ode to My Reduction - The Time Has Come...

My Dearest Hercules and Atlas,

You have been my constant companions since I was twelve years old, but the time has come for us to go our separate ways. As we end this sixteen year journey, I look fondly back on the memories we made together…

No longer will we be able to mock the multitudes of men who trip over their own jaws as they gape at your bountiful “blessings.” Good-bye to the days of free tire rotations and cheap car inspections. No more moving to the front of the line at movie theaters or at Best Buy. So long free drinks at Happy Hour and extra donuts from Donut Palace.

Please know that although I may be doing the Happy-Happy, Joy-Joy Dance at the thought of being able to throw away my hideously unattractive 38DD bras, you will always have a special place in my heart. Rest assured that as I’m skipping braless around my apartment singing, “I’ve got perky boo-bies!!! I’ve got perky boo-bies!!!,” I’m also thinking of the two of you and the moments we shared.

Fare thee well, my not-so-little friends… You’ll be missed…