The Booger Bear's gone. After 10 months with me, the court sent him to live with his daddy (effective immediately). No overnight visits or building up to the transition... Just took him out of the only home he's ever known and said, "good luck!" I haven't even been able to see him or say goodbye. Today was his dad's visitation day anyway, so he wasn't going to be home until 8:00. After the ruling, they decided just to leave him there. If I had known that this morning was going to be the last time I ever saw him, I would have taken the day off... Made it special... Said goodbye...
They came by to pick up some of his important "bedtime" things, but didn't bring J inside. I suppose it was just as well because I knew I couldn't look at him without completely breaking down. I wouldn't want to scare him any more than he is already going to be when he realizes he isn't coming back to the only home he's ever had and the only full-time parent he's ever known. Hopefully I'll be able to see him this weekend without breaking into a million pieces. His dad keeps saying over and over that he wants J to still be able to see me. He knows how hard it's going to be on him. I just pray he means it.
I'll be writing a lot more later. I just wanted to ask everyone to pray that J isn't too scared or confused, and that he will be okay without me. Please pray that my arms don't feel this empty forever, and that my heart can be mended enough to help some other baby who needs me...
Oh hon... my heart goes out to you and to the baby. I KNOW how you feel, and I know this is the hardest thing ever. Please email me at onemorebaby2 at yahoo and I will send you my number... you can call me anytime. Sometimes it really does help to have someone who has been there... I send all of my love and prayers to you and the baby... xxoo.
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