It MUST Be a Sign!!!

Do you find yourself looking for "signs" any time you're trying to make a decision about something big?  I do!  Well, not so much looking for signs, but if I come across something that is even remotely related to the situation at hand, I tend to think, "OMG!  It must be a sign!"  Over the past couple of weeks as I've been struggling with deciding whether or not to go back to fostering, I feel like I've been hit in the head with what must be signs from God.  :-)

A week or two ago, my sister, the twins, and I went to our favorite childrens' resale shop because we hadn't been over there in a while.  Their clearance section was packed, and having shopped there for years, I had a feeling that they were gearing up to do their bi-annual "Grab Bag Sale" where you cram all of the clearance clothing that you can into a shopping bag for only $15.  I asked, of course, but they wouldn't tell me anything.  Yesterday, I opened my email to find my "sign from God."  "Grab Bag Event!  August 6th-8th!!!"

"Why do you think this is a sign?" you might ask...  I use these grab bag sales to stock up on baby and toddler clothes for my foster kiddos!  Because I'm not looking for a specific gender or age, I start with the newborn and work my way up looking specifically for items that still have their original tags on them.  I usually end up with about $300-400 worth of clothes for $30!!!  You can't beat that!!!  And for the store to be having the sale right now, just as I'm leaning more and more towards going back to fostering next month...  Yep.  It has to be a sign that I'm heading in the right direction!  Right?!?  :-)

Other "signs..."  I keep getting snail mail and phone calls for Angel and the Booger Bear from CPS and Medicaid.  Angel moved eight months ago and the Booger Bear is no longer in CPS care!  I guess that goes to show you just how "organized" and "on top of things" that CPS is.  They can't even keep track of who's in their custody, let alone where their children are living!!!  It took six months to get anything from them at all when the kids were with me, so I guess it only makes sense that I'm still getting mail now that they aren't.  I think that's a sign that CPS and Medicaid still want to work with me.  (Although I have no idea why they would seeing as how I pretty much made their lives as miserable as they made mine... I'm rather opinionated and "mother bear-like" when it comes to my kids. ;-)

I've been getting hammered with emails from my old agency, foster care associations, and other foster care-related organizations about upcoming training opportunities and "why foster?" emails.  Emails that talk about the kids who just need someone to love them and give them some stability...  etc. etc...  I think they must miss me too.  :-)

I've had other, more rational signs recently as well.  I keep up with several online "friends" through their foster care journeys, and lately, even though most of them are dealing with the pain and frustration that loving children within the foster care system inevitably brings, I find myself thinking, "but they are so worth it!"  After I lost the Booger Bear and Angel, I was so furious with CPS (and anyone who had anything to do with CPS) that all I could think was, "They can all kiss my shiny white hiney!  There is no way in heck that I'm putting myself through that again!"  Even though I still get a feeling of dread when I think about everything that is involved with fostering, my excitement over having a new little person to love and take care of seems to have developed to a point where the dread no longer matters as much.

And then it seems like I've been seeing more and more Bible verses and references on friends' Facebook pages and blogs about "loving the children" and "caring for those less fortunate," etc. etc. If that isn't God saying, "Hello??? McFly???" I don't know what is! It's kind of like that joke about the guy stranded in the middle of the ocean, waiting for God to save him. Three boats come by, and each time, he sends them away saying, "No thank you. God will save me." After he drowns, he asks God, "Why didn't you save me?!?" To which God replied, "Well, I sent you three boats! What more did you want?!?"  That's kind of how I'm feeling about me asking for "signs."  :-)

So, I am going to go back to fostering while I keep trying to sock away the money for the adoption fund.  I'm working on re-CPS-proofing the apartment this week and am drafting an email to my agency family specialist telling her that I want to reopen my house.  I'm hoping I can find a way to word it so it doesn't sound like I am completely wishy-washy when it comes to fostering and also trying to find a politically-correct way to say, "I just needed a break from you control-happy, completely irrational, unorganized, heartless, ego maniacal, evil dictators for a few months before I decided to put myself through the unspeakable torture of dealing with all of you on an almost daily basis again!" 

I might be working on that email for a while.  ;-)