What They Don't Know...

My Sweet Chunky Monkey...

Your permanency review hearing is only one week away, and while my head tells me that I have every reason to believe that you will still be "mine" for a while longer, I can't help but worry and wonder if this is my last week as your Mama.

There is so much that your Momi and Popi don't know about you, Baby Boy!  How could they possibly get to know you in one short hour a week?  The thought of sending you to a strange home with people you barely know and who barely know you breaks my heart.  They don't know the simplest things like what/when you eat/sleep.  That's easy enough to tell them.  But it's the little things...  Your little quirks and the the nuances of your personality that I want them to know...  Things that I know they will learn on their own, but that I want them to know up front so you won't have to wonder why they aren't doing what you want them to do.

How will they know that you rub your eyes when you're finished eating?

How will they know that the fastest way to calm you when you're whining in your sleep is to rub your forehead?

How will they know that you love to brush your teeth, but only with the tooth/gum rubber finger thingy with a tiny bit of baby toothpaste? 

How will they know that "Duh" means "rubber duckie" and that "Da" means "cat?"

How will they know that you love a handful of stuffed animals in your crib so you can snuggle up with them in the morning when you wake up, but that they need to stay out of your arms at night or you'll never go to sleep?

Do they know the words to your favorite song?

Do they know the "right" way to play "Patty Cake?"

How will they know your tickle spots and your favorite way to be tickled?

Will they learn that your favorite toys are your Lots-o-Links, and that as long as those things are attached to your carseat, stroller, jumper, exersaucer, highchair, crib, etc. you are perfectly content?

Will they know that you don't care much for cartoons or TV, but if the Kardashians or America's Next Top Model happen to be on in the background, you become completely enamoured and stare at the television in "man mode" where nothing or no one can get through to you?

How will they know that your high-pitched cry means that you want a bottle, and that your fussy whine means you're tired and need a nap?

How will they know that you drink exactly three ounces of formula before you stop and burp.  Twice.  and then go on to finish the rest?

How will they know that when you flap your arms and kick your legs while in your "paratrouper stance" when you're playing on the floor means that you are finished and you want to be picked up?

Will they know that you get a long "night-night" hug just before I lay you in your crib and that if you don't get it, you whine until you do?

How will they know that you are a hot-natured little guy, and that you prefer to sleep with the ceiling fan on, but snuggled up with your fuzzy blankie?

Will they play the "blowing kisses" game with you?

Will they understand that I have been your entire world for the past six months, and that you are bound to miss me and wonder where I am?

Will they tell you that I love you to the moon and back like I tell you every night, and that I miss you more than words can say?

There is so much that they don't know about you, my sweet baby boy...  But I know they'll learn.  I did.  And I just pray that if this is our last week together, I can find the right words to say and the most important things to tell them that will help you adjust quickly.  If this is our last week together, I pray that I can let you know every day just how much you mean to me.  If this is our last week together, I pray that I have the strength to say "goodbye" and let you go.

You're my world, Baby Boy...  and I love you more than words can say...
Mama