As a foster parent, my gut reaction to that comment is to take offense. I always feel like the statement is in some way putting me down or saying that I don't love enough and have a heart of steel to be "able" to let my kids go in the end. I take offense because I do hurt so much when I lose them, and that comment makes me feel like they think I don't.
This response to that post made me take a look at my reaction, and will help me try to view that comment in a different light:
Shawnicy said...
I have never read your blog before today, but I felt moved to comment. I am probably one of those women you speak of, but please let me explain. I know that you love them dearly, and I would NEVER think that you don't. I hold what you do, opening your hearts and home to kids who so desperately need to be loved as one of the most amazing things a person can do! My reason for not being able to do that is that I know I am not STRONG enough to do the amazing work you do. I KNOW you are stronger than I am and that you have been called to love these kids and care for them. I know that as much as I would love to hold them, love them, and keep them safe, that isn't my calling. I love and support all those who do cause I know there are times when they too need the support and love when their calling gets a little tough. I know that I can pray for them to have the strength when they need it and the peace and comfort when it is hard. But please don't think we think any less of you! At least for me I know that while being a mom can be one of the hardest jobs out there I think being a foster mom is even more. Knowing that you get to love someone with every fiber of your being and knowing that you may not get to hold them forever, yet still putting yourself out there for them. You are my heroes!!
The next time a random stranger or casual acquaintance tells me that they "just couldn't do it," I will do my best to give them the benefit of the doubt and try not to take offense. I will try to take it as a compliment rather than an attack on my character or ability to love. Foster care is not for everyone. It is hard, and Shawnicy's response made me realize that people do understand that. Thank you, Shawnicy!!! :-)
It still makes me cringe. I try to shake it off and move on. I say, "Of course it breaks my heart, into a million pieces, but it's worth it" Or if I feel like they are being snippy abut it I use the less nice "It does break my heart, but their healing is worth more than my broken heart, who I am to not help because I'm afraid"...
ReplyDeleteThere is one lady here at my office who DEFINITELY falls into that "being snippy about it" category. I barely know the woman! On the HUNDREDTH time of her telling me how SHE just "loves too much" and how SHE would "never have the heart to let them go," I changed my approach. I had tried the tactful, trying to explain it approach the first 99 times. On 100, I'd had enough. I told her (in the most sarcastic voice possible) that it really didn't bother me at all because I'm not a big fan of children and I was just in it for the money. Probably not the most mature or appropriate reaction, but she hasn't mentioned what a loving heart SHE has to me since. :-)
ReplyDeleteIf people do mean it as a compliment I would rather them just say a simple 'thank you for doing something most of us are not willing to do' rather than that othercrappy comment
ReplyDeleteBeen there a million times. And I grin and try to be Christ like and understand them BUT with that....I TOTALLY agree with mama foster.
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