Random's Ramblings #1

I hate to sweat. Sweating is yucky. It feels gross, and it makes you smell bad. I came to this brilliant realization yesterday as Christy and I were leaving the gym, and non-suspecting members of the public ran away from us. I would like to believe they were merely intimidated by our newfound bodybuilder physiques, but seeing as how we've only been working out for three weeks, I think I'm leaning more towards the "Please don't poison us with your toxic sweat fumes" excuse. Why people choose the gym as their ideal location to pick up a mate is totally beyond me. Maybe I'll understand it better when I have my "tenderloin" body and men will fall at my feet whether I reek or not.

The Continuing Saga

Skinny Bitch wasn't our Work-out Nazi after all yesterday. Apparently her job is to scare the living crap out of you during your first work-out and make you think she's going to be your drill sergeant forever just to see how dedicated you are. Luckily for Christy and me, we're dedicated.

We went back for what we were certain was going to be another session of scary demands, and instead got the sweetest girl to do our upper body training. We've both decided that this sweet girl is going to be our role model. She's thin, but curvy. She had a little meat on her, but she wasn't fat by any means. Not like a slab of roast beef or anything. More like lean meat. Christy and I now call her "Tenderloin."

Not only did Tenderloin help us with all of the upper body equipment and give us both workout programs, but she also helped us with the leg stuff too (so we wouldn't have to have Skinny Bitch again). Have you ever attempted to use some of that equipment? THANK GOD we go to an all-women's gym, because I found myself in some positions that contorted my body in ways that only porn stars use! There's this one machine used to work on inner and outer thighs. Thank goodness I'm still fairly flexible! And the machine for your butt… It is indescribable! I wouldn't even know where to begin. You know it's bad when you look at a piece of equipment and can't even tell what part of your body goes where.

But, we've been having a great time, and although we're still a little sore, I know I am well on my way to becoming beef tenderloin myself!

My Latest Endeavor

Now that I'm about a third of the way to my ultimate weight loss goal, I decided to add a new step to my weight loss ladder. I joined a gym this week. Joining the gym was a major hurdle… Actually GOING to the gym was another matter entirely.

You see, I haven't done any exercise AT ALL to speak of since I lived in Oregon and Melissa and I went to our apartment gym every night to watch Friends and walk on the treadmills. That was 6 years ago… I haven't done any REAL exercise since I was coaching gymnastics 40 hours a week in college… 12 years ago! So when I stepped into the gym for what I THOUGHT was an orientation on how to use the equipment, you can imagine my shock when that scrawny white girl (herein referred to as "Skinny Bitch") made me get on a bike and told me I was going to ride it for 20 minutes! After picking my jaw up from the floor and silently cursing her for about 10 of the 20 minutes, I started remembering that I actually LIKE working out. I finished the bike just fine. I even went an extra minute just to stick it to her. Although I don't think she was impressed.

Skinny Bitch then led me to the treadmill and set me up for another 20 minutes. "NO PROBLEM! I LOVE THE TREADMILL!" Unfortunately, after my 20 minutes were up, I TOLD Skinny Bitch that I loved the treadmill. She told me that I obviously wasn't doing it right if I loved it so much. Then, she made me RUN! "WHAT THE F#*%?!? ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME!?! MY BODY HASN'T RAN IN 20 YEARS!!! NO WAY IN HECK AM I GOING TO RUN" I said.

I ran for 30 seconds. Skinny Bitch is scary.

So, I did 45 minutes of cardio on Tuesday and Wednesday, as well as 20 minutes of abs both days. I did my 20 minutes of abs today as well as 30 minutes of stretching exercises. I am determined to get my flexibility back (I was very bend-y when I was in college.) I hurt in places that I didn't even know I had. But I must admit, I really do like working out. Maybe not DURING the workout, but definitely AFTER…

Wish me luck tomorrow! Skinny Bitch is scheduled to torture me at 3:30pm SHARP (She even called to remind me! I think she gets enjoyment out of making me suffer). Something about an hour of cardio and work on my arms… I don't even want to know…

Chicken No More...

I'm doing it. I'm getting a tattoo!!!

Actually, two tattoos... Getting a tattoo has been on my list of "Things I Want To Do, But Am Too Chicken To Actually Go Through With..." since I was about 16 years old. It's not the needle thing that freaks me out like most people assume. It's the permanency thing. I have panic attacks if I sign a 12-month lease. So the idea of putting something on my body that I will be stuck with until I decay makes me a little apprehensive. But in the back of my mind, I've always thought that having a tattoo that is an extension of who I am would be awesome. And so... the scary permanent tattoo thing stayed on the list of "scary things..." Until today!

What I Ended Up Getting!

My aunt and my cousin both got tattoos recently, and I am so jealous, I just can't stand it. I'm gonna do it. No more "Chicken Tammy!" So, when you see my weight loss scale hit the 20 pounds lost mark, I'm getting my first tattoo! Just something small and not too "out there" probably on my ankle. Not anything stupid like having my ex's name tattooed on my chest... (I won't mention any names here... )

I have an idea of what I want, but I need to get someone to draw it for me. It doesn't exist anywhere that I can find. Ariel inspired me. She got an anchor. Anyone who knows me, knows that my entire house is nautical... That I wanted to be a marine biologist... That I want to get married on a deserted beach... That I want to learn to sail... So after seeing Ariel's tattoo I started designing my own in my head. Too bad I can't draw. Maybe I should get Levi (Ariel's 7-year-old brother) to do it for me. He's actually really good!

So 4.2 more pounds, and I'm getting it! And then... After I finish losing the rest of the "hormone therapy/post-hysterectomy/depression" weight... I'm getting my really cool tattoo on my lower back! Because those are just too damn sexy! I'll be skinny again, and have a seriously sexy lower-back tattoo right before our SHS Band Reunion. Watch out, boys!

Sugar High...

So... A few years ago I had the oh-so-bright idea to start a new Christmas tradition in our family. The family was almost all together in one place again, and the ex-school teacher in me thought it would be fun to get all of the cousins together and let them decorate Christmas cookies before the big day.

You see, I am the oldest of all of the cousins. We range in age from 31 down to 6, but as the oldest, I've always strived to be the cool one. I give awesome presents, plan cool parties, and take the kids on great outings (Sheena and Ariel can vouch for me on this :-). I thought my Christmas cookie decorating idea was one of my best ever, and I have to admit it is a huge hit. After four years, the question "When are we going to decorate Christmas cookies?" is still a prominent one in my aunt's house. But have you ever actually participated in a Christmas cookie decorating party with an already hyperactive almost 7-year-old?

The first year, she ate one cookie for every one she decorated and we didn't realize it until she was completely bouncing off the walls. Four years later, she didn't really eat the cookies (Thank God!). But she was already bouncing off the walls! After dropping several cookies on the floor during the frosting process, I told her that I had a great idea and asked her if she would be the "Sprinkle Master" and let me and her sister do the frosting.

My parents are now the proud owners of a lovely rug with many new and unusual colors (but I'm sure it would taste great!). And our family has divided up about 5 dozen Christmas cookies with about a half an inch of sprinkles on each one. We are now all fighting diabetic comas by trying to dilute the massive quantities of sugar sprinkles with tall glasses of milk. Needless to say, I won't be going to bed for a while. I am on somewhat of a massive sugar high. But it is worth it because once again, I have achieved "Cool Cousin" status.