Observations of the Gimpy One

When I was wheelchair-bound after screwing up my leg/ankle earlier this year, I really started paying more attention to the accommodations that businesses made for handicapped people and other small things that would have really helped me out during the first four months of the year.  I had already had some trouble at home (leading up to the whole "Naked Gimp SOS Call"), but after getting out and attempting to get around town, I had a few interesting observations.

Observation of the Gimpy One #1:

          After one of my many appointments with the ortho, my mom and I decided to stop for lunch at the Olive Garden.  Apparently, there is a room designated specifically for the old and gimpy, as we were led to a dining area with about 20 elderly people, all with walkers and varying mobile-assisting devices.  I realized that I was pretty bad off as I sat in my wheelchair, green with envy, as the little old ladies got up to leave with their super-cool walkers! 

          One lady had one with a seat, a basket for her purse, hand brakes, and even a cup holder!  I wanted one of those puppies so bad!!!  I was seriously tempted to ask her where she got it.  I didn't realize that I was staring longingly at it until my mom started laughing at me.  But seriously, at that point I had been wheelchair-bound for two months!  Those walkers would have been a huge step up for this Gimp Girl!  And it had a cup holder!  How freaking cool is that?!?  One lady even had a bedazzled cane!  Those old people were stylin'!!!

Observation of the Gimpy One #2:

         After I had graduated from the wheelchair into the fracture boot and crutches, I did my best to be indepenent and drive myself around town.  Katie and I decided to run over to one of the children's resale shops in the area that happened to be in a shopping center with several other businesses.  We pulled up and noticed that there were several reserved parking spots right in front of the store.  "Great!" I thought.  "I can park in there and won't have to hobble too far."

          Nope.  The reserved parking was for JENNY CRAIG customers!  Not handicapped parking or reserved for expectant mothers or mothers with small children...  The parking directly in front of the children's resale shop was reserved for fat ladies using Jenny Craig!  Call me crazy, but I think of all the people going to that particular shopping center, the Jenny Craig ladies need to be walking the thirty extra steps.  (I can say this because I am a fat lady who would ordinarily need to be walking those extra steps, but when you've got a broken leg and pulled ligaments in your ankle, you've got a pretty good excuse to want the good parking spot.) 

Final Observation of the Gimpy One:

          Just last week, the elevator at my office building was out of service for the entire week.  Thankfully, I can pretty much manage going up and down stairs now, although it takes a while to go down seeing as how I have to lead with my right foot on every step.  The situation had me thinking though...  What would have happened if I was still wheelchair bound?!?  Would they have set me up in an office downstairs?  Would they have given me the week off with pay because they couldn't accommodate me in all of my gimpyhood?  Would someone have to carry me up and down the stairs?  That would seriously suck for them!  What if the elevator had gone out after I was already upstairs?  Would I have to sleep here?!?  What if there was a fire?  Would I have to bump down the stairs on my rear end like we used to do as little kids???  (I say "little kids," but I seem to remember doing that in our first apartment in college too.  I'm surprised we didn't put a hole in the wall at the bottom of the stairs!)  It just amazed me at the amount of questions that an out of order elevator brought on.  I'd just never really thought about it before I was fully-dependent on the thing.

It's interesting the things you notice when you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation.  Before the fall, I never would have ogled old ladies' walkers or freaked out because the elevator was out of order.  Now though, I have an entirely new perspective on things.  From now on, I will stand united with future "gimpsters," fighting for their rights and helping them out as much as I possibly can.  While I might not be volunteering to piggyback them up and down the stairs in the event of an elevator malfunction, I will at least offer to find someone who will.  :-)

"Foster Friday" - You're Coming TO MY HOUSE?!?

When I went through all of the training classes leading up to getting my foster care license, they kind of skimmed over the part where they tell you about the number of people coming to your house.  In fact, they didn't say much of anything about it except to mention that the agency comes out "periodically."  I now understand that phrase to mean "We (anyone who has anything to do with the agency, CPS, the court, etc.) expect you to have an open door policy as we will be requiring access to your home any time we ask for it."

In the year and a half that I've been fostering, I have had monthly home visits from:

• My agency's Family Specialist
• The children's Caseworkers
• Each child's CASA

Also requesting occasional access have been:

• My agency's Director
• The children's attorneys
• A CPS Investigator (investigating a prior foster home of one of the kids)
• A Rep from Licensing
• ECI workers
• Psychiatrist
• Therapist
• Multiple Case Aids providing transportation
• Fire Department for the annual inspection (I don't mind that one so much ;-)

I haven't had a placement in over two months, but my family specialist from my agency has been to my house three times since I've been kid-free!

I have to admit, when I first started fostering, I always panicked about keeping the house clean and totally CPS-proof before every visit.  I would usually take off work a little early to run around frantically scrubbing and making sure everything was perfect.  Take out the trash, scrub the toilets, no pizza cartons in the fridge, no dirty dishes in the sink, etc.  After the first few visits, and no one bothered to even leave the front room, I stopped worrying so much.  Now, I pretty much just make sure there are no glaringly obvious violations like medicine sitting on counter or sharp objects sitting out.  That kind of thing...  So what if there are piles of laundry on the floor or a few dirty dishes in the sink?  People LIVE here!

Depending on who's coming over and what they are coming for, I might vamp up the cleaning and preparations a bit (ex. quarterly inspections, licensing, etc.), but for the regular monthly visits, therapy sessions, etc., I really don't worry too much.  People live here.  I have small kids.  It's not going to be spotless.

To be honest, I discovered that my home is a freaking palace compared to another foster home that I've been in recently.  I walked into the "formal" living room, tripped over some crumbling brick and a pile of 2x4s that they were using to build a "bedroom" and nearly fell into one of three piles of dog poo that had collected on the pee-stained carpet!  (And I'm not exaggerating)  There were wires everywhere and rigged up lighting that had to be turned on from another room, and walls that only went up about 3/4 of the way to the ceiling in the 8x8 (and that's being generous) "bedroom" that two of the kids were going to be sleeping in that night.  I was mortified!  Especially considering there were toddlers who were going to be running around that house!  So if that situation was considered okay with CPS, I think a few dirty dishes in the sink and a bottle shampoo sitting on the back corner of the bathtub is going to be just fine.

Mimi's advice for the week... 

Remember that lots of people will be coming to your house, but you don't have to panic every time they do.  They expect it to look like someone lives there.  Just don't have any obvious safety hazards or glaringly obvious CPS violations.  And it doesn't hurt to make it smell good.  I usually have my Scentsy going.  :-)  If the house smells good, you're golden!  ;-)

What about the rest of you?  Do you panic when people come to your house?  Have you been written up for crazy things like using foil or having dish soap on your kitchen counter?  Have I just been insanely lucky with my caseworkers' lack of concern over the trivial things, or is it normal for them not to be overly concerned about the "everyday living" stuff?

Decisions...

It's been more than two months since the Booger Bear went to live with his dad, and still no placement.  That's a long time to sit in an empty house, staring at an empty crib.  And a long time to start wondering whether or not I want to keep doing this.

There has been a lot going on with CPS and my agency lately.  Lots of Angel and her foster mama drama that has gotten ridiculously out of hand and is seriously making me question whether or not I had any impact on Angel what-so-ever during the 7 months that she was with me.  It also has me questioning whether or not I want to keep allowing CPS to control every aspect of my life right now. 

I'm starting to think that part of the reason it's taking so long to get another placement is that they now think that I'm a "problem" parent.  I've learned the hard way that foster parents should be seen and not heard.  Well, that is just not in my nature.  I'm going to speak my mind and tell them what I think seeing as how I know the children in my care a heck of a lot better than they do!  And in this particular instance, I was proven right.  Part of me is devastated because it means a long, hard road ahead for Angel and other innocent people involved.  But then part of me wants to gloat and say, "I told you so" to the adults who should have been paying freaking attention!

I suppose when it comes down to it, I have two options:

1.  Relinquish my license now before I get a placement and give up fostering for the next year or so until things calm down.  Go on all of my out-of-state trips that I have planned and not have to worry about finding respite care, CPS, my agency, training classes, and the drama being stirred up by the Golden One and her posse.  Start socking away the money to either pay for a private adoption or try IVF using a surrogate (more on all of that in a later post).  Re-evaluate in a year and start over (with a different agency this time) if I decide I want to start fostering again.  I know that I want to keep doing foster care at some point.  But I really want to be a mom to a child who I know won't be taken away at any given moment.  It's hard living every day wondering if today is the day that they are sending the child that you love away.  I know it won't make losing the kiddos any easier, but at least I wouldn't have to come home to a silent house after they leave.

2. Keep fostering, try to find respite care for the kiddo(s) when I go on all of my trips, put up with CPS and all of their restrictions, put up with my agency and their constant meddling, and go to the meeting that they want to have where the Golden One and Her Band of Merry Men want to gang up on me and make me look and feel like a criminal because Angel still calls me when she's having a hard time.  I know how The Great Ambush is going to go.  I will either start bawling uncontrollably because I tend to do that when I'm really stressed out, or I will get so pissed off that I will tear into them with such a vengeance that they will take my license away and I won't ever be able to foster again.

I'm leaning towards Option #1 right now, but I also know that if they do happen to call me with a placement before The Great Ambush, I'd say yes.  I'm just torn right now between wanting to help the kids who need me and just wanting my life back in my own hands.

Sorry for being so vague in this post.  There's only so much that I can say in a public forum (another "darn that CPS" moment).  I'm thinking about starting a private blog where I can vent to my heart's content and say what I'm REALLY thinking, go into better detail of what's happening, post good photos of the kids, etc.  It might also be helpful for my own sanity (and to have the detailed backup if I need it for future lawsuits. :-)

What Happens in Vegas...

I was totally not feeling the "work" thing yesterday, so I asked my sister to give me an assignment.  Her first attempt at telling me what to do failed miserably because she wanted me to create a PowerPoint presentation for our November cruise.  Too much work!  But her second attempt at an assignment was more up my alley...

Christy and I are taking a little girls' trip to Las Vegas in July.  She has some appointments, and I'm going along for the ride.  Her assignment:

"Do the A-Z thing and list all the fun and interesting things we can do on our girl’s trip to Vegas… :-) What happens in Vegas…"

Here's what I came up with (some of the letters were hard!):

Adventuredome, Attend a wedding at Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel
Bowling at the SunCoast, Bellagio Fountains
Cirque Du Soleil
Day Trip to the Grand Canyon, Dance on the Bar at Coyote Ugly
Eat, Eiffel Tower Observation Deck
Fremont Street, Find Me a Rich Man
Gamble, Gondala Ride, Get Tattoos, Get Psychic Readings
Hoover Dam, Helicopter Ride over Vegas at Night
Invite Ourselves into Your Old Townhouse
Jump Off the Stratosphere Hotel
Kayak Down the Colorado River
Lake Mead, Lunch at Top of the World Restaurant at the Stratosphere
Mani/Pedi
Notify CPS About the Children Passing Out Porn Flyers on the Strip
Offer to Plan Someone’s Vegas Wedding
People-watch, Phantom of the Opera, Planet Hollywood
Question People About Their Relationships with Jesus as They Leave Strip Clubs & Casinos
Read by the Pool, Red Rock Canyon
Sleep, Shop, Slots, Streak, Swim, Spa, Stalk Celebrities, Siegfried and Roy Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat
Titanic Artifact Exhibit at the Luxor
Upstage a Stripper During Her Performance
Volcano at the Mirage
Watch People in the Casinos, Walk the Street Like "Working Girls"
X-Ray Our Insides, X-Scream at the Stratosphere
Yell at the Perverts Hanging Out at the Strip Clubs
Zoo, Zero-G Experience (It's only $5,000!)

So...  Has anyone been to Las Vegas recently?  It's been 5 or 6 years since we were there.  Christy lived there for a few years, but we've never been as "tourists."  :-)  Any suggestions on places to go, things to see, etc. would be greatly appreciated!  :-)

The Biggest Loser... (Or Not)

When Katie and Sasha guilted me into joining Fat Class a couple of months ago, I started thinking that it might be a good idea to add a workout plan to the diet as well.  After a few physical therapy sessions for my ankle/leg, I got the green light from "Olga."  I remembered my sister, Christy, mentioning that she wanted to join LA Fitness, so I tagged along with her when she went to sign up and ended up joining myself.

I've been rather frustrated with my lack of weight loss progress.  I mean, seriously!  I joined Fat Class seven weeks ago and the gym three weeks ago!  Why haven't I seen any results?!?  I mentioned as much to Christy this weekend.  She just looked at me and said something along the lines of, "Tammy...  You dropped out of Fat Class after two weeks and you haven't set foot in the gym since you joined."

Whatever, Christy...  I paid my money!  I guess I should have joined Jenny Craig instead.  Lose 10 pounds for $20 or whatever their deal is...  I'd be skinny by now!  I've shelled out $120 already!

I have to admit, I'm getting a wee bit nervous about our upcoming cruise.  Sure, it's not until November, but Christy and Katie seem pretty committed to this whole "diet and exercise" thing.  Me...  Not so much.  I'm more committed to Taco Bueno and Mexican Inn. 

I knew I was in trouble when Sasha and I got an email from Katie a couple of weeks ago asking if we wanted to sign up for an exercise Boot Camp with her.  I nearly deleted the message after seeing the title alone, but I thought I would humor her and at least look at the link that she had forwarded.  Take a look and see what Katie thought would entice us to sign up. 

***Elite Boot Camp*** 

F'Real!?!  She has LOST HER MIND!  I took one look at the muscle-bound dude with the megaphone and wanted to run screaming for the hills.  Fortunately, Sasha agreed with me when I emailed Katie back and told her she had flipped her lid, lost her marbles, been taken over by aliens...  I believe Sasha's response was, "Oh HELLLL to the NO!"  Katie, slightly offended, asked us "What's wrong with a girl wanting to get a little exercise?"  Sasha replied, "Nothing.  As long as I don't have to participate!"  That's my girl!  ;-)

That same day, Katie also sent us a link to a blog on "clean eating," and told us that we should use it to get "healthy ideas on what to eat."  I kind of wanted to cry.  What happened to my Tex-Mex partner in crime, and why on earth is she sending me links to sites with foreign things called "EVOO" and "tofu?!?"  Doesn't she remember who she's talking to?!?  She knows I don't cook!  I asked her what the heck "EVOO" was and she said something like "You obviously don't watch any cooking shows."  You think?!? 

Apparently "EVOO" is extra-virgin olive oil.  Cool!  I actually have some of that!  Granted, I bought it when Angel was living with me and doing the cooking, but I have it.  I wouldn't have a clue what it's used for though.  And the name of it opened up an entire line of questions such as "Are there really levels of virginity for olives?"  I thought you were either a virgin or you weren't.  "Does an olive's level of 'virginization' truly matter?"  "Isn't it considered discrimination to refuse the use of de-virginized olives in the oil making process?"  Poor loose olives...  :(

I then had to tell the tale about my bad experience with tofu.  (Although, does a person ever really have a good experience with something called "tofu?")  I was hanging out at my best friend's house back in high school, and her mom made us hot dogs for lunch.  She neglected to tell us that they were tofu hot dogs until after we had both taken bites and looked at each other in horror because we were tricked into eating what I still swear was wet sand wrapped in pig skin.  If that is considered "healthy eating," I will stick with Mexican food, thank you very much.

I suppose at some point I'm going to have to cave to the peer pressure and actually go to the gym.  I'll probably even have to exercise at the gym at some point (although I would much rather park my rear in the sauna or lounge in the whirlpool.)  I don't want to be the only one wearing a mumu on the sandy white beaches of Cozumel though, and I'm not sure that I can convince Christy and Katie that the mumu is back.