Words That Take Your Breath Away

"Thank you for taking care of us."

Those were the words spoken by an 8-year-old little girl last night as a stranger tucked her into bed.  She and her younger siblings had just been removed from their home in the middle of the night and placed with people they didn't know.  So many times we try to anticipate our children's feelings.  Are they frightened?  Are they confused?  How can we help them?  And so many times, these children stop us in our tracks with only a few words.

"Thank you for taking care of us."

When I read those words on my friend's FB page this morning, all I could think was "wow..."  I kept coming back to it over and over again, my heart simultaneously breaking for that little girl and her siblings and thanking God that, at least for now, they are in a safe and loving home.  I kept coming back to those words and let them truly sink in, and I thought about all of the other times that a child's innocent words have left an ache in my heart.

I remember the first time I provided respite for a foster family, when 6-year-old Rocket asked me "So what exactly are the rules in your house?"  I think he was under the impression that I didn't have any because I really hadn't had to get onto him for anything.  I told him that my main rule is to "be respectful of others" and that included things like no yelling in the house (because I have neighbors upstairs), no hitting or kicking, etc.  He replied, "Why no hitting?" I told him that hitting hurts people, and that I never wanted anyone to be hurt. Rocket's face fell, and he replied in a quiet little voice, "People hit at my real house."  :'(   I knelt down in front of him and told him that that made me sad and that I was really sorry to hear that.   Then I assured him that no one hits at my house.  Ever.  He looked up, smiled, and said, "You're a really nice lady!" and then went on about his day as if he hadn't just taken my breath away with a few little sentences.  I'm so used to only fostering infants and toddlers that it was a whole new experience having children who could verbalize their experiences before coming into care.



Photo used with permission

Yesterday, another foster mama friend posted this picture in a foster parent support group.  It is a list of questions that her foster daughter has for her social worker.  Things like "Am I going back home," "How are Mom and Dad doing," and "Is any family member trying to get me?"  Her foster mom said that her foster siblings recently went to live with an aunt, and this little girl so desperately wants someone in her family to want her too. 

No child should ever feel unwanted.  No child should ever feel fear in their own home.  No child should ever be put in a position to thank complete strangers for doing what their own parents should have done.  No child should ever have to be in foster care.

Unfortunately, the sad reality is that children are living out these things every day.  Foster care is necessary because some parents will fail their children.  It is our responsibility as foster parents to walk with these kids through times of uncertainty, hurt, and fear of the unknown.  We do our very best to be an anchor for these children to hold on to when the big feelings come and threaten to take over.  And when their words hit us in a way that leave us heartbroken and breathless, we let them them know without a doubt that they are loved, that they are safe, and that they are most definitely wanted.

Brotherly Love

I used to think it was cute that Monkey immediately asked for "Baby" upon waking up every morning.  I now realize that Monkey isn't asking for "Baby," he is asking if that little Mama-stealing attention hog is still taking up residence in our home.  Trust me.  There is a big difference.  It seems Monkey is not fond of sharing his Mommy.  :-)

The very first time Monkey laid eyes on Bug, he cried.  And we're not talking the whiny-type of crying that toddlers do when they're a little unsure of what is happening around them...  We're talking the "hyperventilating, clinging to my neck, legs wrapped around me, flat-out refusing to look in the direction of the happy, squealing infant" kind of crying.  At that point, I hadn't even held Bug in front of him, so I have no idea what he was so freaked out about.  Eventually, he made eye contact, Bug smiled, and Monkey decided to try to figure this squirming pint-sized human-looking thing out.

The first month was spent as Monkey decided to take it upon himself to point out the similarities and differences between "real" humans and "baby."  Poor Bug got his nose picked, fingers in the ears, his eyes poked, and his head smacked at Monkey constantly pointed out his body parts.  If Bug fussed or squealed, Monkey would mimic whatever sound came out of his mouth.

The novelty of "Baby" wore off during month two, and Monkey hit the "I'll tolerate him because I have to because apparently he's here to stay" stage.  For the most part, he completely ignored him.  Our mornings consisted of Bug craning his neck to get a look at his awesome big brother, and Monkey doing everything within his power to ignore Bug's stares.  On the rare occasion that Monkey and Bug actually made eye-contact, Monkey would screech "BAAABBBYYYY!!!  NOOOO!!!!" and run screaming from the room.

By month three Monkey became hyper-sensitive to Bug.  If he heard Bug wake up from a nap or start fussing, he gasped and exclaimed "Baby!"  If Nana took Bug into his room to try to rock him to sleep, Monkey followed whispering, "Shhhh..."  And if he thought that I was taking too long to see to Bug, he would grudgingly attempt to console him himself.  The first time that happened, I was in the middle of making Bug a bottle while he was fussing in his swing.  Monkey ran to me, pointed to Bug with a concerned look on his face saying, "Uh-oh!"  When I didn't immediately go to him, Monkey sighed, rolled his eyes, and went to push Bug in his swing saying, "rock, rock."

We're now into month four, and Monkey is ever-so-slowly beginning to warm up to the little guy.  He tries to share his cars and trucks.  He pats him on the head.  He'll even return Bug's smile occasionally.  There was one morning in particular where Monkey was doling out kisses.  Mom was holding Bug, I was holding Monkey, and I asked, "Do you want to give Baby a kiss?"  You could see the wheels turning as he decided whether or not to take this huge step in brotherly bonding, and he slowly leaned in to bestow a kiss upon his baby brother...  Only to receive an excited baby headbutt to the chin.  I'm fairly certain Monkey won't be kissing Bug again any time soon.  Although, he has started to kiss his feet most mornings.  :-)

Monkey's all about being "a good helper" these days, and is beginning to take that seriously when it comes to helping out with Bug.  He helps me hold his bottle.  He wipes Bug's face with a burp rag when he drools.  He demonstrates how the baby's toys work (mostly so he can play with them, but he does it in a way that makes it seem like he's showing the baby :-).  The other morning, Bug was sleeping in a little late, and I needed to get him ready for daycare.  I told Monkey, "Mommy needs to go wake up Baby.  Do you want to help me?"  We tiptoed quietly into Bug's room as Monkey whispered, "Shhhh..."  He was silently peering at his sleeping brother, and just as I went to gently stir Bug awake, Monkey slowly reached through the slats on his crib, and promptly smacked his peacefully slumbering brother on the head, screeching, "BAAABBY!!!!" at the tops of his lungs.  Poor little guy didn't know what hit him!

That's brotherly love for you!  :-)

Kid Quotes

Time for a few more Kid Quotes as we round out the year...  :-)

My sister was going through some of Ka-Diva's papers, and found this "Emergency Contact Card" mixed in with her things.  She lists her Mom's Cell Number and 9-1-1 for emergencies.  At first glance, I wasn't quite sure what she meant by "Mrs. Lynn - Not that bad."  Mrs. Lynn was the big twins' Kindergarten teacher a couple of years ago and lives on the other side of their cul de sac.  I thought, "Well, that's nice that she thinks Mrs. Lynn isn't 'that bad,'" but what does that have to do with emergency contacts?  That's when I realized Ka-Diva meant that she should contact Mrs. Lynn if there was an emergency that wasn't "that bad."  :-)  Funny thing is, my sister has called on her more than once!  Her husband is an EMT, and with four kids, someone is always getting hurt.  :-)

 

Buddy (upon taking a long, looong time in the restroom, my mom called in to him "Buddy, are you okay in there?") - His response...  "I'm good!  Just a singin' and a poopin'!"  (such a boy!)

 

(from my sister's FB) - "Butterfly has started the "terrible twos," I'm afraid.  Ka-Diva was frustrated with her last night.  She threw her hands on her hips, huffed, and said, "I can already tell when she starts school she is going to get notes in her binder from the teacher ALL THE TIME!!"

 

Colton (my BFF's 4-year-old) - "Mommy, what's Heaven like?"  Katie went on to describe in beautiful detail what she thought Heaven must be like...  Colton, pondering her description, replied, "Do they have nice chairs?"  Apparently comfortable seating is a concern for this particular 4-year-old.  ;-)

 

Monkey - The older Monkey gets, and the more he is able to communicate, the more I am beginning to discover just what types of things he does when he is with his daddy.  A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take Monkey to his old daycare for a visit.  Along the way, we passed that good old fast food establishment with the golden arches.  I've never taken Monkey there before, but someone certainly has, because my 21-month-old looked out the window, pointed, and exclaimed, "MMMMM!!!"  :-)

 

There was also the time when I thought I would be a super nice Mama and give Monkey his first real cookie.  Not one of those baby ones...  I walked into the kitchen and asked, "Monkey, would you like to try a cookie?"  I didn't think he'd have a clue what I was talking about, but I knew that he would try it because I was eating one (and anything Mama eats has to be good)...  Boy, was I wrong!  Monkey's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as he came running into the kitchen shouting, "COOKIE?!?"  Yep.  I think Daddy's been busted.

 

 Last month, Buddy and Ka-Diva had a book report project where they were required to turn hats into representations of their book.  Christy called me in a panic because she needed some help with the creative side of things.  We spent the next three nights working on the kids' hats.  As we came to a few of the more artistically-challenging portions, I asked the kids if they wanted me or their mom to help them.  Both of them quickly replied, "YOU!"  Christy, slightly offended, said something like, "Hey!  What about me?!?  I can do it too!  But I guess I'm not as good as Aunt Tammy."  Buddy, putting on his concerned, "I need to make this better" face, looked at Christy and said, "It's okay, Mommy.  You are trying your best.  You made a good effort!  That's all that matters!"  (Their hats totally rocked, by the way. :-)

 

 

 

 

(from Christy's FB) - "Ever since we moved into this house (about 5 years ago), circumstances have always unfolded resulting in Chris having to hang our outside Christmas lights in freezing weather.  It has become a tradition now.  Today, Buddy said, 'YAY!  A cold front is coming through!  Daddy can finally hang the lights!'  Sure enough, that is exactly what happened.  He was cold, but the house sure looks pretty now!  :-)" 

(also from Christy's FB) - "The kids have a Christmas performance at school tomorrow.  Ka-Diva (from the tub) said, 'Man, I bet it smells like soap there tomorrow.  All the parents are giving their kids baths tonight so they don't have the one kid there that stinks!' Lol"

(after a particularly smashing success at their Christmas performance) - "Performance went great tonight!  I told the kids that I, without a doubt, had the two most talented kids in the show.  Buddy just smiled and said, 'All the other moms are saying the same thing to their kids right now too, you know...'"  :-)

Monkey - During our little visit to his old daycare, Monkey made himself quite at home.  While hanging out in the "big kid" classroom, Monkey spotted a toy that he apparently just couldn't live without.  He was a man with a plan.  Monkey grabbed the toy, tucked it under his arm like he was carrying a football, exclaimed, "Come on, Mama!" and proceeded to run through three rooms straight to the front door of the building.  The daycare director was standing at the door, and Monkey walked right passed her, said, "Bye-bye!" and tried to push his way out of the building with his pilfered toy in hand!

Booger Bear - We had an early Christmas at my house with all of my kids last Saturday (more on that in a later post because it was awesome!).  At one point during the evening, I overheard a conversation between Booger and my mom.

Booger:  "Is Santa coming to your house, Nana?"
My mom:  "No, I don't think he is..."  (not elaborating that she doesn't have kids at home)
Booger (eyes HUGE):  "What did you DO?!?"

Booger knew that you had to be pretty bad to have Santa pass you by.  He had already told me that he knew he hadn't always been a good boy, but that Santa had already come to see him once.  So the fact that Nana didn't think that Santa was coming to see her absolutely shocked him.  Booger couldn't fathom a world where Nana had done something so terrible that Santa wouldn't come to her house!  :-)

Banana - Banana loves her Mimi almost as much as her Mimi loves her.  :-)  The following is what I believe is a fairly accurate representation of how our conversations usually go during the times we are together.

Banana:  "Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!"
Me:  "Yeah, baby?"
Banana:  (Big smile)

And last, but not least...  Heaven told me, "So Tammy, I just have to say you're gonna be impressed with your gift from Booger.  :)  It's not much...  Just something simple, but when he and I were looking for your present and found it he said, 'Mommy, this is what Tammy needs from me, so she knows that she can always have me in her heart!'  and the way he said it was so serious."  I love my heart necklace with Booger's initial inside!  And he sure smiled pretty big today when I showed him that I was wearing it.

I've got some pretty fantastic kids in my life, and they never cease to crack me up, make me think, and make me proud to be their "Aunt Tammy, Mama, Mimi, Tammy."  :-)
        

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Three

Eight years ago, I was eagerly awaiting the January birth of my first niece and nephew.  We were a family without children, and desperately wanted some little ones to love.  Who would have thought that eight years later, my sister would have not one, but two sets of boy/girl twins?!?

Day Three - Today, I am thankful for my amazingly awesome nieces and nephews.

Before I was "Mimi..."  Before I was "Mama..."  I was "Fun Aunt Tammy," and I do my very best to continue to live up to the precedents that I set long ago when it comes to these kids and their expectations of their Aunt Tammy.  How could I not!?!  These kids are simply the best!

My Oldest Nephew, "Buddy" - 7-year-old "older" twin to Ka-Diva, and the absolute sweetest, most loving child you will ever meet in your life...  Fiercely protective of the people he loves, he has this incredible heart, and is always trying to take care of people and make everyone happy and comfortable.  He has been amazing with all of my foster babies, and is always one of their favorite people because of it.  He can be a total goofball, but he is also quite a gentleman and is very popular with the ladies because of it.  ;-)  He is an "old soul" and wise beyond his years.  He has "deep thoughts," and often says things that make you stop in your tracks and think.  He's ridiculously bright and totally gives me a run for my money when playing games. There's no "taking it easy on him because he's a kid."  He's way too smart for that!  I am so unbelievably in awe of him.  He inspires me every single day, and I can't say enough how very, very proud I am of him!  :-)

My Oldest Niece, "Ka-Diva" - "Younger" twin to Buddy, and my absolute "Mini Me" in every way...  I will never have to wonder what my own biological daughter might be like because Ka-Diva is all Aunt Tammy.  She's inherited the women in our family's looks (we all look exactly alike), and has my personality in spades.  Her "strong leadership skills" and "executive tendencies" are all me!  (Sorry, Christy! ;-)  She's a 37-year-old in a 7-year-old body!  Ka-Diva has my sense of humor...  Very dry and sarcastic with a quick wit.  Like the time the doctor asked her rate her pain "0 = no pain and 10 = the worst ever", and she quickly replied "If I had no pain, why would I be at the doctor?!?"  She can be totally serious and then bust out with the goofiest faces you've ever seen in a split second.  She's very into safety and an excellent "babysitter" for all of the kiddos in her life.  She's always practical, anticipating their needs, and watching out for potential dangers.  I love every single second that I get to spend with my "Mini Me," and I am so blessed that I get to be such a huge part of her life.  She makes me smile that "knowing" smile because with her, I know what's coming next.  ;-)  I love this girl like no other! 

My Youngest Nephew, "Pooper" - 18-month-old "older" twin to Butterfly, and one very special little boy...  He's a super-cute, generally laid back little guy (well, big guy considering he outweighs every toddler in the family by a good 4-5 pounds and is at least 3 inches taller than the next tallest kiddo) with a super-deep slow chuckle or an ear-piercing, high-pitched squeal that would call dogs depending on his mood.  He's a very quiet one who lives in his own little Pooper World a lot of the time, but those moments when you can connect with him...  when you get him smiling or catch him enjoying something he's never done before...  Those moments make your heart melt and touch you in ways that you don't have with the other kiddos.  I love being a part of this little man's life, and I love that I am blessed to be here to love him and to watch as he blossoms and discovers himself and the world around him.

My Youngest Niece, "Butterfly" - "Younger" twin to Pooper, and the "baby" of the family (although if you ask her, she'll let you know in no uncertain terms that she is one of the big kids).  This child loves her Aunt Tammy like crazy, and never fails to boost my ego to new heights every time I walk through the door.  "Oh!!!  YAY!!!  YAY!!!  YAY!!!  HI!!!  HI!!!  YAY!!! YAY!!!"  (with jumping up and down and much applause)  Who wouldn't eat that up?!?  :-)  Out of all of the kids, I'm fairly certain that Butterfly will be the one who gives my sister and brother-in-law the biggest run for their money as she grows up.  She is quite the precocious little thing, unbelievably headstrong, and completely fearless.  She's the one we fully expect to find on top of the refrigerator any day now.  I love this little girl like crazy, and I can't imagine a world without Aunt Tammy's little "Butterfly."


These four kiddos have brought so much joy, laughs, and love to our family!  They complete us!  ...and I am very, very thankful that God entrusted these little souls to our family to love.

Kid Quotes: Part Two

"Kid Quotes" from my favorite kiddos...  I've got so many funny kiddos in my life that I just have to share their silly stories.  I'm going to try to do these fairly regularly.  We'll see how that goes. ;-)

Colton (Katie's 4-Year-Old)

Colton started PreK at a great (but pricey) private school this year.  One day after school, Katie and her husband were questioning him about his day.

Brian - "So what did you learn at school today?"
Colton - "Nothin'" (apparently that response begins early)
Katie - "Um, yeah...  I don't pay a fortune in tuition for you to learn 'nothing.' So what did you learn today?"
Colton - "I learned about Adam and Eve."
Katie - "Really?  That's great!  What did you learn about them?"
Colton - "SHE TOOK HIS RIBBON!"
Katie - "His rib, but close enough."
Colton - "And did you know she got them both in trouble for eating fruit?!?"

Poor kid now thinks that Eve was a thief and a troublemaker!  :-)

My sister and brother-in-law have been dieting and exercising over the past couple of months.  Christy has been cooking at home with very little (if any) eating out for their family.  Recently, my sister posted a rather livid FB status stating that she was certain that McDonald's had hacked her account and kept saying that she "Liked" their page.

Having just had a conversation with Buddy and Ka-Diva about their change in eating plans where they proceeded to tell me that their mom was forcing them to eat "healthy diet food," I asked, "Are you sure this wasn't Buddy's creative way of telling you that he misses McDonald's?"  (He tends to play on his mom's phone a lot.)

My mom chimed in with "It was Ka-Diva.  Didn't she tell you yesterday that you were torturing her because she hasn't had french fries in days?!?"  (Ka-Diva is a bit dramatic, and often tells people her mother is torturing her.  It's a good thing they know an awesome foster mom! ;-)  But I have to admit, lack of french fries does seem like cruel and unusual punishment to me! :-)

Booger Bear - Booger and Banana recently spent the night with me.  After a little meltdown because he was worried that his Mommy and Daddy weren't going to come back for them, I diverted his attention by blowing up a big air mattress and we had a "camp out" in the living room. 

Booger decided, "I think Banana and me should live here at your house!"

Me - "You think so?!?  I would love that!  That might be fun!"

(Booger's eyes got huge as he quickly realized what that would mean...)

Booger - "And Mommy.  Mommy, and me, and Banana.  Yeah!  That would be fun!"

Me - "I would love that!  But what about Daddy?"

(Booger contemplated that... and added as an afterthought)

"Eh...  Yeah...  Daddy can come too."

Poor Daddy...  No respect!  ;-)

Buddy (Just this morning on my sister's FB...)

"Today was 'Wear Your Hat Day' at school.  Buddy wanted to wear a hat with lights on it that we have so he could 'impress all the girls and make them giggle!'  Wow.  I have my hands full with that one!  Lol"

During a recent conversation in their car...

Buddy:  "Jaiden's dad is SO funny.  He is one of the funniest guys on Earth, I think!"

Chris:  "What about me?!?"

Buddy:  "Dad, you are the SECOND funniest."

Chris:  "Wow.  Thanks Buddy..."

Buddy:  "You're welcome."  (Not sure Buddy quite has a grasp on picking up on sarcasm just yet. :-)

Ka-Diva (from my sister's recent FB status)

"Kids can really put things into perspective for you.  I told Buddy and Ka-Diva that we had to hurry and get home after school today because Pooper has his first therapy appointment (due to our concerns about his delays).  Ka-Diva asked why he had to do it, and I said, "Well, because he isn't doing a lot of the things that he should be for his age like Butterfly is."  She said, "He can run, he can smile, he can laugh, and he loves us.  He is just fine!  And besides, Butterfly doesn't listen when you tell her no, so he doesn't need to copy her!"  Good point kid.  He can run, he can smile, he can laugh, and he loves us.  He is perfect!  :-)"

"Foster Friday" Q & A - The Name Game

With so many new adoptions in the works for many of you, the subject of changing your child's name has come up quite a bit recently on different blogs and support groups.  When I received a call a couple of days ago to submit my homestudy for an adoptive placement of a 2-month-old baby girl, I started wondering...  Would I want to change her name?  Yes.  She's so young I doubt she knows her name right now anyway.  But that made me think...  

How do you make the decision to change your child's name when they are older?  18 months, 3 years, 8 years, 17 years?  At 18 months old, would I have changed Monkey's or Booger's names if I'd been able to adopt them?  They knew their names at that age, and an 18-month-old certainly isn't going to understand why everyone is suddenly calling him something completely different.  An older child would.  They might even be excited about process and concept of helping to choose their new name.  So many thoughts running through my head on the subject!!!

I started thinking about all of my foster kiddos, their names, and how I would feel about changing them if I had been able to adopt them.  I thought about baby name books and how most people go about choosing names for their children.  I thought about how a completely different name might affect my little ones verses how a new name might be welcomed for others.  (I tend to overthink things, I think ;-)
 

Banana and Her "Mad" Face :-)

Mimi's Personal Naming Rule #1:  Avoid Terms of Endearment and Names Associated with Peace Signs and Bell Bottoms

My first foster daughter's name was one that I definitely would have changed.  I'm not quite certain what her mother was on when she named her, but I am fairly certain whatever it was wasn't exactly legal.  Munchkin had one of those super long, hippie, endearment names similar to "Honey Autumn Moonbeam Doe."  Having a term of endearment as your child's first name can really freak a mama out when random strangers call them by name.  When that child is a foster/adopted child, you definitely don't want to hear their name coming from the mouth of an unknown person.  In Munchkin's case, I probably would have kept one of her middle names and changed her first name.


Mimi's Personal Naming Rule #2:  When Bestowing a Clearly Cultural Name Upon Your Child, It Is Wise to Use a Name from THEIR Culture

When Monkey came to me, I found it rather amusing that this 100% Hispanic child had a decidedly Irish first and middle name paired with a very, very Hispanic surname.  His last name is so culturally-rooted that even my company's translator had difficulty pronouncing it!  Would I change it now?  No.  I love his name.  I might have even used it had I been able to have little Irish babies of my own.  But had I wanted to change Monkey's name to one with a cultural ring to it, I don't think I would have chosen one that leads you to expect a red-headed pasty white boy with an Irish accent.


Mimi's Personal Naming Rule #3:  PUH-LEEZE Don't Get All Creative with the Spelling!

When Booger Bear came through my door, his paperwork was a mess!  I quickly realized that was because his birthmother decided to take some creative liberties with the spelling and no one had a clue how she wanted it spelled.  I wouldn't have changed his name...  But I would have corrected the spelling so the poor kid wouldn't have to spend his entire lifetime explaining that "No, it's not a typo."  Unfortunately, Kelly didn't change it when Booger went to him, so my special boy is probably going to grow up with people thinking that he is "special" in other ways because he doesn't know how to spell his own name.  The sad thing is that it's been so long now that I really have forgotten how his name is supposed to be spelled!


Mimi's Personal Naming Rule #4:  When Enlisting the Assistance of Your Preschooler in the Re-Naming Process, Don't Take Their Suggestions TOO Seriously

When Christy found out she was having the Mini Munchkins, she wanted to include the Big Twins in as much as she could.  They spent hours going through names and bouncing ideas off of each other.  Buddy chose a name for his little sister, and kept pushing it on Christy for months leading up to the birth.

     *** Butterfly Crystal ***

Christy finally asked him why he liked that name so much, and he responded with "girls' names should be beautiful, and that's a beautiful name!"  Christy compromised by telling Buddy that he was right, and that she would save that very special name just for him so he could use it for his daughter when he became a daddy.  (Well played, Christy!  Well played!)

Ka-Diva was much more practical in her approach.  Any time I asked her what she thought, she would reply with single syllable names like "Kate" or "Bart."  When I asked her about her name choices, she told me that her name was too long and that she just thought she'd pick easy names "so they won't run out of paper."  "Run out of paper," I asked.  "Yeah.  I always run out of paper when I write my name!"  :-)

Mimi's Personal Naming Rule #5:  Put the Breaks on the Crazy

I'm all for allowing my children some freedom of expression and promoting creativity.  However, when it comes to them being solely responsible for choosing the name that they would like to have on all of their legal documents for the rest of their lives, I say "Put the breaks on the crazy."  I can totally see Miss Banana walking into the room and announcing, "You may call me 'Princess Consuela Bananahamac!'"  Um, yeah...  I'm gonna go with "no" on that one.

Sooo...  My questions to all of you are...

"How did you decide whether or not to change your adopted child's name?"

"How old was your child when you changed their name?"

"If your child was young, were they confused?  How did they adjust?"

"If your child was older, did they participate in choosing their new name?"

Kid Quotes

Oh, my Buddy and Ka-Diva...  I swear, these two kids crack me up like no one can!  At 7-years-old, my niece and nephew have hit that "kids say the darnedest things" phase full force.  I told my sister that we had to write this stuff down where we can find it again, and because she doesn't have time to blog herself, I promised to take it upon myself to save their best quotes here on Trippin'.  All of these moments brought to you by Christy's and my mom's FB status updates...  Enjoy!  :-)

 

Buddy Moments:

 

"Almost regretting the conversation I had with the big kids the other day about how important it is to conserve water and electricity right now.  I was just scolded by Buddy for leaving a light on!  In my defense though, I was still in the room!  Apparently we are all supposed to sit in the dark now...  :-)"

 

"Awesome homemade Mother's Day card from Buddy.  'I love my mommy.  She is so nice.  She made me really special.  She is 100% right on whatever she says.  Her name is Christy.'  :-)"  - I think Christy needs to have this thing framed and point to it any time Buddy argues with her about anything.

 

"Tonight Buddy told me that he would really like to hold a fundraiser.  I was very impressed!  When I asked him for what he said, 'To get some more money!!!'  Hmm...  I'm thinking I need to explain this a little better!  LOL"

 

"Buddy just said to me, 'Mommy.  Promise me something.  Focus on the greatness!' ???  lol"

 

"Buddy is such an overachiever.  He has been writing a book called 'All About Frogs' for a few days now.  He told me he is almost done.  He just needs to finish the glossary, the index, and the 'About the Author' pages...  lol"

 

"Buddy told me today that 'Ladies go first in America!'  Such a little gentleman.  :-)"

 

"Buddy asked if I can take him shopping this weekend so he can buy Valentine's gifts for 'all of his girlfriends.'  Little player!"

"Walked out of church tonight into a torrential downpour.  Buddy said, 'Man!  Jesus is REALLY trying to wash our sins away!!!'  :-)"

 

"Ha!  I found a paper that Buddy had been writing song lyrics on.  My two favorites were, 'She thinks my tractor's secksie.  She wants to turn it on.'  (Kenny Chesney) and 'Pa Pa Pa poke her face Pa Pa poke her face!'  (Lady GaGa) :-)"

 

"Buddy to me.  'I love you so much Mom, I would even rub your naked feet!'  Wow!  Now that is true love!  lol"

 

"So our sweet grandson goes into the office to get some paper to draw on.  He says, 'Wow!  You might have to be on that show 'Hoarders.'  I hope this stuff doesn't get up the the ceiling!'"  I had to remind him that this is all the baby stuff that his mom is getting ready for a big garage sale and it came from HIS house!  It was kind of sweet.  He sounded really concerned about me.  :-)"

 

 

 

Ka-Diva Moments:

"Had the most entertaining conversation with Ka-Diva tonight where she desperately tried to convince me that 'for her safety' it was more important for me to put her in horseback riding lessons this summer instead of swimming lessons.  'But Mom!  What if I get lost in the country and I can only find a horse?!?  I need to know how to ride it so I can find my way back to you!'" 

"Round two of Ka-Diva trying to convince me that horseback riding lessons are more important 'for her safety' than swimming lessons.  This time she said, 'If I was lost in the woods and had to cross a river, I would have my horse with me and HE would know how to swim!  So see?!?  I need to learn how to ride that horse!'  Love that girl.  :-)" - You have to admit, she does make a convincing arguement. 

"Got Ka-Diva her first Cabbage Patch Kid for her birthday and it is a HUGE hit!  We had an adoption ceremony, filled out the official adoption paperwork, etc. and she is taking the responsibility VERY seriously!  She now wants to adopt all of the other Cabbage Patch babies in the world that need a mommy." - That's my niece!  :-)

"In case anyone is wondering, her name is Jae Jordan and she was born on November 9th...  Ka-Diva was just amazed that she already had a name and official papers!  But I think it was the adoption ceremony where she had to raise her right hand and vow to take great care of this baby for the rest of her life that really made her heart melt. :-)"

"Lol!  I was giving Ka-Diva a hard time tonight because she forgot her Cabbage Patch kid's name.  She said, 'Whatever Mom!  You can't even remember how old you are!'  Touche' Ka-Diva.  Touche'."

"And I wonder why germs keep spreading at our house...  Ka-Diva just suggested that she LICK the rim of the orange juice container so Daddy will stop drinking all of it." - Have to admit this was a good idea.  I know I won't be drinking orange juice at their house anymore!"

"Haha...  The doctor told Ka-Diva to rate her pain.  0 is no pain and 10 means you are crying.  She said, 'If I had no pain, why would I be at the doctor?!?'"

"Ka-Diva to Buddy...  'You know, you are pretty lovable.'  Of course, they were back to bickering two minutes later, but it was sweet while it lasted."

"Hmm...  The crying fits of seven-year-old girls are quite dramatic.  And apparently can last a VERY long time!  Lord, please give the patience to make it through this lovely little phase and remember that I was once a seven-year-old girl too!!!"

"I am now getting the silent treatment, I believe...  And the occasional sideways glance to see if I am NOTICING that she is giving me the silent treatment.  lol!"


Twin Moments:

"So the big kids were grumpy and picking on each other this morning.  Ka-Diva told Buddy that she is going to make a chart of how often he plays on my phone (since she apparently thinks he is on it too much), and then Buddy said he is going to make a chart of how often she is mean to him.  Geez.  Gotta love Monday mornings!"

"Played a joke on Buddy tonight that backfired on me.  Had him convinced that I had locked Ka-Diva outside in the cold, dark night because she didn't come in when I told her to (in reality she was hiding from him in his room).  He got so upset at the thought of her out there by herself that he was ready to take swings at anyone that stood in his way of rescuing her!  Guess the protectivce twin brother mode kicked in!  Now if the roles had been reversed and Ka-Diva thought Buddy was outside she would have been making faces at him through the window!"

As funny as the twins are, the other kids in my life crack me up just as much!  Here are a few funnies from my other favorite kiddos!

Colton, my BFF Katie's almost 4-year-old little boy:

"I learned a little something from my BFF's son this afternoon.  Apparently there are monsters in his attic.  When I asked if they were nice monsters or mean monsters, he replied 'they're MEAN monsters.'  Me - 'Oh no!  What are we gonna do about that?'  Colton - 'We have to be nice to them.  Monsters are God's creatures too!' (Like, DUH, Tammy! ;-)"

(From my BFF's blog)  "So obviously this isn't a brag, but rather something I should write down so we remember it.  Good grief this kid is something else.  Colton's birthday is on Tuesday and so pretty much this whole month has been, 'I want _____ for my birthday' every. single. day.  I finally told him he was being greedy and explained what it meant, and that being greedy is something we don't want to be and that we would continue to give to the children's hospital because it's the right thing to do and we are grateful and not a greedy little turd.  Anyway, so fast forward to the other day in the car. 

Katie:  Do you know what grade you are going to be in?
Colton: Yeah, I'm greedy.
Katie:  No, you're going to be in pre-k.
Colton:  But I want to be greedy!
Katie:  Do you know what greedy is?
Colton:  Yeah, it's when you have all the toys, and that's what I want...  all the toys.  I want to be greedy.

Epic fail."

Booger Bear:

"Favorite quote of the day...  I said something to Heaven and Kama about how I was excited because I get to cuddle my baby tonight (meaning Monkey).  Booger looked up and asked, 'You mean I get to spend the night?!?'  :-)  Ugh!  I LOVE THAT BOY!!! :-)"

(from Heaven's FB) - "So, Booger comes out of his room telling me he has to go potty, so I tell him to go.  Well, five minutes later he comes out, soaked, whining, and won't tell me why.  After asking 'why' a million times he tells me 'I put my head in the toilet!'  Ugh...  Kids...  At least he was honest.  He told me he put his head in the toilet because he was BORED!  lol  Only Booger..."

(During one particularly obnoxious temper tantrum) "Booger was screaming and pitching a fit, so I decided to go all 'therapeutic parenting' on him and threw my own temper tantrum to rival his.  He immediately stopped, looked at me like I had lost my mind, and exclaimed 'Tammy, that's annoying.'  Ha!  Ya think, kid?!?"

"Out of the blue, Booger exclaimed, 'Tammy, I love you...'  'I love you too, kiddo!'  Booger, 'You're gonna be really pretty when you grow up.'  'Why thank you!  That's very nice.'  Booger, 'You're welcome.  (pause)  Can I have a popsicle?'  Mm-hmm...  I see how it is!  ;-)"


So there you have it!  Some of my favorite quotes from some of my favorite kids!  I'm going to try to post these more frequently because these kids crack me up!  :-)

Update Time...

It's been two and a half months since Monkey was returned to his daddy, and our arrangement couldn't be working out any better!  His dad is finally loosening up a little and starting to realize that I really do mean it when I say he can call me any time he needs help.  After Monkey gave his dad a horrible upper respiratory infection that put him out of commission for an entire week and he had no choice but to do what I told him and bring Monkey to me so he could rest, he seemed relieved to hand him over and trust that I would just be Mama and take care of things for Monkey while he got well himself.  I think he knew all along that I would do it, but he was afraid that I'd look down on him for not being able to take care of Monkey.  I think I finally convinced him that I completely understand how hard it is to be a single parent because I've done it on my own for the past three years.  I reassured him over and over that I understood, and that he just needed to take the time to rest and get well and that I'd handle everything for Monkey in the meantime.  Since that week, Monkey's dad has simply sighed a relieved "thank you!" any time I offer to keep him longer when I know his dad needs help.  His dad had the opportunity to get in some overtime this week, so I am currently on Day Four of 11 straight nights with my Monkey man!  :-) 



LOVE that I can share him with you now!

At 15 months old now, Monkey is a full-fledged toddler and continues to crack me up and melt my heart every single day.  He is finally taking an interest in walking (although he still prefers the speed of his aerodynamic crawl).  He loves the applause and praise that he gets every time he attempts to walk, so his "routine" tends to be:  Stand up, clap, walk a few steps, clap, sit down, stand up, clap, repeat.  He is talking up a storm and will repeat just about anything you ask him to when he's in the mood.  His favorite phrases at the moment are "Uh-oh...  Where'd it go?" and "It da cat!  It da kitty cat!"  His morning conversation with Mr. Bunny tends to go something like, "Doh doi took-a took-a.  Uh-uh-uh (his version of "choo-choo" for Thomas the Train).  Mama.  It da cat!  Dada. Cough cough.  Nana.  Bugga doh doi.  Duck!  Quack! Quack!"


I'm moving into my bigger place on the 15th, and am super-excited about being able to open my home back up for new placements!  It's going to be an adjustment having more than one little one, but it feels too weird without CPS controlling every aspect of my life.  It's pretty bad when your "social life" is having your agency worker, caseworkers, CASAs, etc. come for their monthly home visits.  Now that I think about it, my house stays a lot cleaner when I have placements too.  :-)

I never heard back from the GAL about the girls.  I can't say that I'm shocked.  I've learned not to expect too much when it comes to these things.  When she started our conversation with "I'm probably overstepping, but..." I was pretty sure it wouldn't go very far.  She probably called the girls' caseworker who I'm sure got mad that the GAL was trying to do her job for her and just refused out of spite.  (Gee...  I don't sound jaded at all, huh? ;-)  I'm going to call again after I get moved into the new place and tell her that I'm going to open back up for new placements if it doesn't look like there's a chance the girls will end up with me.  Hopefully she'll at least return my call this time!

So that's where things stand right now...  Monkey is awesome.  Monkey's dad is awesome.  Moving on the 15th.  Licensed in the new place on the 18th.  Calling GAL about potential adoptive placement after that.  Opening back up and awaiting "The Call" after that!  Might be a busy summer!  :-)



Potty Time (or Not...)

(Drawing by "Mimi")

It has happened...  Monkey has hit that stage in his development where he likes to stick his hand under the bathroom door and call out, "Mama?"

The current development is an improvement, I suppose.  He usually beats me to the restroom and attempts to climb into my lap, sit on my feet, take all of his toys out of his bathtub caddy, or throw every last toy he can find into the bathtub while I'm indisposed.  I'll take a toddler hand under the door over a toddler on my lap while I'm on the potty any day!

I think most moms consider it a grand vacation when they get the rare opportunity to potty in peace.  I remember my sister telling me about one particular time when Buddy was about 3 years old.  The twins were learning all about "privacy" and were eager to put it into practice and show that they understood what that term meant.

Buddy (outside the closed bathroom door) -  "Mommy???  Mommy???  Are you in there?"
Christy - "Yeah, Buddy.  I'm in the restroom."
Buddy - "Whatchya doin' in there?"
Christy - "I'll be out in a minute, sweetie. Go play!"
Buddy - "Can I come in?"
Christy - "Not right now, honey."
Buddy - "Are you going potty?"
Christy - "Yeah, baby.  I'll be out in a minute."
Buddy - "Are you going #1 or #2?"
Christy - "Don't worry about it, Buddy.  That's private.  Go play!"
Buddy - "Can you see me, Mommy?" (looking under the door)
Christy - "Buddy, don't look under the door."
Buddy - "Oh, okay." (pause)  "Can you see my hand?" (sticking hand under the door)
Christy - "Yes, I can see your hand.  Go play!"
Buddy - "Do you need privacy?"
Christy - "Yes, Buddy.  I need privacy."
Buddy - "Oh, okay."
...pause...
Buddy - "I'll just wait for you right here then!"

Source

Having only fostered infants and toddlers (and one teen), I haven't really ever had to deal with the bathroom conversations before.  That should prove to be a fun new experience when I get my first preschooler.  :-)  Most of my "potty time" involves multi-tasking (when I can get free of the children), cleaning up messes that I'd rather not have to clean up, and trying to entertain toddlers and my cat who inevitably follow me in there and then get fussy when I won't play with them! 


One day, I will be able to potty in peace.  Probably not anytime soon though, so I suppose I'll just have to get used to having an audience.  :-)

... And so are the days of my life ...

Buddy, the Baby Whisperer

My nephew, Buddy, is the absolute sweetest, most loving child you will ever meet in your life.  He is always trying to take care of people, make everyone happy and comfortable, and is very protective of his twin sister and the Mini Munchkins.  He has been amazing with all of my foster babies, and is always one of their favorite people because of it.  You could definitely see why when I interviewed the twins for last week's "Foster Friday Q & A."  Buddy's answers were so full of love!

I've always known that Buddy has an amazing heart, but I think my first glimpse into just how special he really is came when he met my very first foster child.  Buddy was only four years old when he met my little Immobile Munchkin, but the impression that little girl made on him remains to this day.  Even at that young age, he knew she was special.  She was fragile.  Munchkin was his first glimpse into the need for foster care, and I think that the special care and attention that he gives to my little ones partially stems from that first meeting with that baby girl.  My kids need extra love, and Buddy knows it.

When Booger came to me a few weeks after Munchkin left, Buddy immediately took his role of "oldest foster cousin" very seriously.  He was Booger's constant companion, teacher, helper, and protector, developing a relationship that has lasted to this day.  Booger absolutely worships Buddy.  At seven years old, having a constant 3-year-old "shadow" can get annoying at times, but Buddy takes it all in stride.  In his words, "I have to set a good example."

Watching Buddy with all of my kids, his brother and sisters, Banana, and even other kids he comes into contact with, it's clear that he's an "old soul" and wise beyond his years.  He constantly takes others under his wing and does his best to make them feel safe and happy.  He cares.  And little kids know it.

When Little Miss came to me, she was a sad little thing.  To see true grief in the eyes of an 11-month-old is a terrible thing.  She rarely smiled in the beginning, but if anyone could bring a smile to those sad little eyes, Buddy could.  She knew she was safe with him.  She knew he loved her.  And she knew that when Buddy was around, she mattered.  She was the center of his world, and that made all the difference for a little girl who had never had that before.

I love looking through all of my pictures of Buddy.  Each and every photograph depicts a loving, protective, nurturing boy usually with a baby, toddler, or preschooler glued to his side.  Banana is so smitten that she refuses to let him get more than an arm's length away (although I think the feeling's mutual :-).

I am so unbelievably in awe of this kid.  He inspires me every single day, and I can't say enough how very, very proud I am of him!  :-)

"Foster Friday" Q & A - Through the Eyes of 1st Graders

When a person or couple makes the decision to become foster parents, that decision affects the entire family.  Biological children, extended family, grandparents, etc. are all brought into the emotionally exhausting world of foster care whether they want to be there or not.  I have been extremely fortunate that my family fully supports my decision to foster, and they have embraced each of my children as their own throughout this journey.

My niece and nephew were only three years old when I made the decision to foster, and they have been a huge part of my kids' lives.  At seven years old now, Buddy and Ka-Diva have spent half of their lives as "foster cousins."  I've never really sat down and talked to the kids at length about foster care or their thoughts and opinions on the subject, so I thought for our first "Foster Friday" Q&A I would "interview" the twins.  What I learned in that hour and a half long conversation just confirmed what I already knew about these kids.  They have huge hearts, caring spirits, and deep thoughts.  They also surprised me with some of their responses and made me rethink my own stand on certain subjects!  I hope you gain a little something from reading about foster care "Through the Eyes of 1st Graders."

When the twins learned that I was going to "interview" them, they were excited and a little nervous.  Christy and I assured them that there were no "right" or "wrong" answers and that I just wanted to know their opinions on things.  I started the interview by explaining what I was doing, and who I was doing it for.  I told them what a blog was, and I explained that people read my blog to learn about foster care.  I told them that many of my readers have kids of their own, and would love to know what other kids in foster families think about foster care and how they feel about it.  Buddy's response...  "Oh, we will be such a blessing to them!"  I know you will, kiddo!  :-)

The interview went a little something like this:

"Can you guys tell me what foster care is?"  (Ka-Diva approached the interview as she would the classroom, shooting her hand up in the air every time she wanted to answer a question.)

KD - "It's when moms and dads can't take good care of their babies, so we take care of them until they can."
Buddy - "Hey!  That was my answer!"

"So what do I do as a foster mom?"

Buddy - "You take care of them and do everything that a Mom does."

(The kids then proceeded to list every menial task and "Mom thing" they could think of...  ex. change diapers, feed them, hug them, kiss them, give them baths, wipe their nose, clip their fingernails, read to them, teach them things, etc.)

"Do you like being foster cousins?"  (Resounding "YES!!!")

"What is the very best thing about being a foster cousin?"

KD - "When we get to meet them!"
Buddy - "We get to help take care of cute babies and talk to them and play with them and help them when they need help."


"What is the hardest part about being a foster cousin?"

KD - "Diapers."  (always the practical one...)
Buddy - "Well, they seem like they're our family.  Then they have to leave and we don't get to see them, and they're not our family anymore.  We still have good memories, but I miss them a lot."
KD - "Yeah..."


"I think that's the hardest thing for me too."
"Do you think it's easier to talk about them, or not talk about them after they leave?"

KD - "Not talk about them..."  (Ka-Diva is kind of like her Aunt Tammy in that way.)
Buddy - "Talk about them, but I cry sometimes when I think about them...  I'm tearing up right now!"  (And he was!)


"It's okay to cry when we miss someone.  What are some good ways that we can remember them after they leave?"

KD - "Look at pictures."
Buddy - "Tell stories and good memories...  And look at their names on the wall!"  (When I decorated the nursery, Buddy had a great idea to put all of my kids' names on the wall so we could see the names and remember them.  To this day, they read the names on the wall every time they go in there, and usually tell a memory of each child.)


"Do any of my foster kids still feel like family even though they don't live here anymore?"
In unison - "Booger Bear!!!"
Buddy - "Is Booger our family?"

"Well, we get to see him all the time.  He comes to all of our birthday parties.  He came to Easter at Nana Nancy's.  Who all was at Nana Nancy's?"

KD - "Just family."

"Well then I guess Booger's definitely our family, huh?"

(Huge smiles and nods from both of them... :-)
Buddy - "And Monkey too!"



"You know, speaking of Monkey, I have a serious question for you guys...  Was it confusing for you when you heard Monkey call me 'Mama' instead of 'Mimi'?"  (I have always been "Mimi" before, never "Mama" until Monkey.)

KD - "Maybe a little..."


"Why is it confusing?"

Buddy - "Well, because your his foster mama.  Not his real mama...  It's not really confusing for us, but it might be confusing for Monkey."
KD - "Yeah...  He doesn't know you're not really his mama."
Buddy - "Yeah...  If he thinks you're his mama, he might be confused when he goes home and you're not there."
KD - "He's gonna think his mama left him."

(Wow!  All this time, I thought they were confused about it.  I had no idea they were more concerned that Monkey was going to be confused!)


"You know, I think you guys might be right about that.  I had never thought of it that way!  That's pretty smart!  So do you think I should just keep being "Mimi" with my new foster kids?"

KD - "Yes."
Buddy - "So you don't confuse them."


"But what happens if I get to adopt one of them, and they've always called me "Mimi?"

Buddy - "Well, then they can start calling you "Mama."  (like, duh!)


"Good plan.  I'll do that next time for sure."
"So I have another question that I've never asked you before...  I've only fostered babies and Angel, but if you could pick any age at all for me to foster, what would you pick?"

KD - "Teenagers!"

(That shocked me!)

"Teenagers?!?  Why is that?"

KD (practically rolling her eyes at me for asking a question with such an obvious answer) - "Because they can talk and have a conversation."
Buddy - "I want babies.  Just babies.  Or Booger's age..."
KD - "Yeah, babies or Booger's age or teenagers..."


"So Buddy, you want to be the oldest, and Ka-Diva, you want babies or teenagers...  So you wouldn't want anyone your own age?"

Both - "No."  (Guess that answered that!  I'm thinking we've got a couple of 7-year-olds who don't want competition. :-)


"Do you guys like it better when I have foster babies, or when I don't have foster babies?"

KD - "Kind of both sometimes...  When you don't have them, we get to go swimming and stuff more and don't have to worry about crying babies."  (Ka-Diva loves her Aunt Tammy, and gets a little jealous when she has to share me sometimes.)
Buddy - "I like when you have babies."

"Why is that?"

Buddy - "Because babies are cute, and I love to help them and take care of them.  And babies just love me!"  (A fact that no one will argue.  Babies flock to Buddy!)


"So if you guys were going to give advice to other kids in foster familes, what would you tell them?"

KD - "I'd say don't be mean.  I'd tell them to be nice and take care of them."
Buddy - "Yeah...  I'd say help them all the time."  (Buddy then went on a five minute "example" spree listing all sorts of random scenarios in which one might be able to help a foster child.  Ex. Reaching things that are too high, getting them out from under furniture if they get stuck, opening the art supply drawer for them, etc. :-)
KD - (Not wanting to be outdone, but always the "Little Mama") "Feed them, change their diaper, rock them to sleep..."


"Would you want to be a foster parent when you grow up?"  (Their answers were completely opposite from what I was anticipating...)

KD - "YES!  It's a nice thing to do!"
Buddy - "I don't think so...  It would be too hard.  I wouldn't want to let them go."


"So if a grown-up who had kids asked you whether or not you thought they should be a foster family, what would you tell them?"  (Again, their answers were completely different than I thought they would be!)

Buddy - "Oh, I'd say 'DO IT!"  It's GREAT!!!"  (This from the boy who had just said it was too hard...)
KD - "Don't do it.  You're kids might be jealous.  Wait until they're grown."  (This from the girl who just said that she would absolutely be a foster parent when she grows up...  She must only plan to foster before or after she has kids. :-)


"Is there anything else you want to add before we finish up?"

KD - "Nope."  (Well, okay then... ;-)
Buddy - "Yes.  I just want to say that I have a lot more confidence now."

(Thinking that he was just throwing a big word out there for the heck of it, I asked) - "You have more confidence?  How so?"

Buddy -  "Well, now that we've had so many babies, I really know how to take good care of them.  I have a lot more confidence."

"That's true, Buddy!  You have definitely learned how to take good care of babies!"

"Thank you, guys for answering all of these questions for me!  I know my readers are going to love your answers.  I think it will be a big help."

Buddy - "Oh, I'm sure it will!"  ;-)


And there you have it...  Foster care through the eyes of a couple of 1st graders...  I think I'll interview them again in a couple of years and see how their answers change as time goes on.   They definitely surprised me this time, and made me reconsider a few things.  I'm so proud of these kids!  :-)