Moving In and Gettin' Comfy...

Things have been going pretty well since Little Miss came to live with me.  The first 4-5 days were hard for her...  Lots of changes, and she absolutely REFUSED to lose bodily contact with me in the house during her waking hours.  That is, unless she was pitching a fit because she wanted to take a walk in the stroller.  Little Miss is an "all or nothing" girl, and the first 4-5 days could have been pretty bad if she wasn't such a good sleeper at night.

Things that made Little Miss happy:

1. Walks in the stroller (I have lost 7 pounds from taking multiple walks every day)
2. Being outside
3. Shopping (I am now broke from daily shopping excursions)
4. Eating (glad she was eating, because I haven't had the time!)
5. Sleeping (I love to sleep too, we will get along well in that area :)

Things that made Little Miss unhappy:

1. Everything else

Somehow though, on the 5th evening, everything seemed to click!  She somehow decided that Mimi (that's me) is actually a pretty cool person, and fun to be around.  We had gone shopping that afternoon with my sister so Little Miss was already in a good mood from an afternoon of enjoying one of her favorite pasttimes.  She took a nap (another favorite), woke up and got dinner (another favorite)!  Then I informed her that she needed a bath, and I was preparing for a battle.  Bathtime has not been very successful since she arrived.

I decided to use the infant/toddler tub because it was smaller and would hopefully not overwhelm her like the regular tub seemed to.  She initially started to cry, and I could see a fit approaching, so I (the Queen of Redirection) quickly got her attention by pouring water over her hands.  She started getting interested in that, and then I gave her one little bath toy which she immediately took and started playing with.  After she seemed calm and almost happy, I gave her one other small toy and started to wash her off while she was playing.  No tears at all!  And I even let her play a few minutes longer so she could start associating bathtime with something fun.  Success!!!

After bathtime we headed out to the living room for a little playtime.  In five days, this child had absolutely refused to leave my lap while we were in the house.  This day, however, she decided to sit next to me on the couch.  She still didn't want to get on the floor, but we sang songs, played pattycake, This Little Piggy, read books, and everything else I could think of for a good half an hour before we headed to her room for bedtime. 

It was still a few minutes early, so I thought I'd attempt to put her down on the floor and see how she did.  No crying!  :-)  She just started exploring her bedroom for the first time since she moved in!  I decided to let her explore and started working on sorting a tub of baby clothes.  I sat on the floor and started pulling items out, looking at the tags, and sorting.  Little Miss watched me intently for a minute, then came over, and started "helping" me.  She did exactly what I was doing.  Pull one article of clothing out of the bin, open it up, look at the tag, and then handed it to me.  She stood there and "helped" me until every last piece of clothing had been sorted.

Then she pointed to her crib and was ready for bed.  :)

In the two days since, Little Miss has not cried with me at all!  She's genuinely excited to see me when she wakes up in the mornings and when I get her from daycare.  We have fun together!  And I have a little giggle monster on my hands at times.  :)  I am so, sooo grateful to have these few weeks alone with her before her baby sister comes to live with us.  My Little Miss deserves some one-on-one Mimi time and to know that she's a special girl.  I'm definitely excited every time I see her have a "breakthrough" moment, and I love, love, love seeing her smile!  I'm eager to see what this next year brings...

Changes

It's amazing how quickly things change in Foster/Adopt Land when time usually seems to stand still in that world.  Last Monday, after over two months of waiting to get licensed by my new agency, I was about aready to go over there and ask if they wanted me to write up the homestudy for them.  Then, the phone rang...

The program director at my agency said, "Tammy, I have a few things to talk to you about."  What then came out of her mouth absolutely sent me reeling.

1.  She had two pages left to finish my homestudy.
2.  She just emailed questionnaires to my personal references.
3.  She's hoping my references will respond immediately because...
4.  She needs to get my licensing number right away because...
5.  She has not one, but two babies for me if I want them!

She had very little information on the girls other than that the 11-month-old had been removed and placed in another foster home on Friday after some questionable findings with her newborn baby sister.  The other foster home was a brand new home and had no experience with infants.  Older baby was placed with them on Friday, and by Friday night, they were already asking to have her moved because they were completely overwhelmed and had no clue what they were doing.  She said that if I was willing to take both girls, she was pretty certain they'd be mine if I said yes.  They just had to check with the caseworker and explain that I was a few days away from having my licensing number, but that I'd already fostered before so I knew what I was doing.

I said, "No."

It absolutely KILLED me to say "no" because being single, it takes months for me to get a placement unless the children are already in care.  Caseworkers want couples or stay-at-home moms, so if I get my placements the "normal" way, it takes forever.  The Booger Bear came to me from another foster home as well.  But I had no idea how I was going to be able to take care of a newborn and a soon-to-be one-year-old by myself!  So I told the director that I didn't have two cribs and that I was a little concerned about being able to handle that on my own, so as much as it was killing me, I thought I needed to say "no."  Then I did what any self-respecting adult would do.

I called my Mommy.

During that conversation, I ended up pep-talking myself into calling my director back and saying, "You know what!  Let's give this a try!"  And as of right now, I am so glad I did!!!

On Tuesday, she called me back and asked how soon I could take the 11-month-old already at the other foster home.  She said that the parents were nervous wrecks and that she wasn't comfortable leaving her there anymore.  I said, "I'm ready for her tonight if you want me to take her!" 

I still wasn't licensed, but they moved her as a "respite" placement with the understanding that she would be an official foster placement as soon as we got my number.  Her foster parents were bringing her over to my house themselves because they had some things to bring with her.  And I opened the door to the most beautiful little girl ever!  Understandably timid and scared, but she came to me and let me take over.  She even fell right to sleep and slept over 12 hours the very first night!

At that point, there wasn't much information on her baby sister.  Just that she was, in the caseworker's words, "a whooooolllle other ballgame."  So I took my "Little Miss" and started to do what I could to make her comfortable and to get her used to me before our lives become insane again when "Itty Bitty" baby comes home...

I Must Apologize...

I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  This past week or so has been a crazy one in Foster/Adopt Land.  I have good reason...   She's 11 months old and the prettiest, sweetest little thing on the planet (if I do say so myself)...  I've been calling her "Little Miss," and the nickname seems to have stuck.  So "Little Miss" it is in Blog World!  :-)

Please pray for her and her baby sister who might be joining us at some point, as well as her parents and extended family.  This little one deserves the happiest, safest, most joyful life full of love possible.

I Must Have Done Something Right!

Since meeting Angel in June of 2009, I've often wondered if she's learned anything at all from her time with me.  Most of the time I feel like I've completely failed her...  That I've just been talking to a brick wall and that she doesn't listen to a word I say.  But then, when I least expect it, she will do or say something and I know that she really has been listening!

It's the small things really...  Things like when I overhear her saying something like "My mom said that..." and she repeats verbatim something that I told her.  Or like little comments that she made while she was opening her baby shower gifts this weekend.  She got some bibs, and she looked at me really excited and said, "Look mom!  They have the plastic lining on the back!"  I had made an offhanded comment about a month ago about how it's good to have bibs with the plastic lining so that you can keep them on teething babies, and the drool doesn't soak through and give them a rash.  Any time she got a gift that I had said was on my "baby essential" list, she explained the purpose of the item to everyone there.  I loved it!  Just to know that she was paying attention and actually heard what I said was priceless!

I think the thing that I was most proud of this weekend was in hearing her say, "thank you" to so many people without any prompting from me.  It seems like a small thing...  Like what you teach a 2-year-old and just expect from someone older, but Angel had never said "thank you" to anyone in her life until she came to me.  I remember the first time we talked about it was right after she had moved in, and my mom had bought her a CD player.  She really didn't have much of a response when she got it, but after my mom had left, she was so excited and told me how no one had ever done anything like that for her before.  I asked, "Well, did you thank her?"  And she looked at me like the thought had never even occured to her.

As the months went on, I made sure that I thanked her for every little thing that she did.  Every time, she looked surprised, and would smile and say, "you're welcome!"  But she still never thought to say "thank you" herself.  At one point, I made a comment about how it would be nice to hear a "thank you" every once in a while, and then she really started trying.  She had a hard time at first.  You could tell that it was a last minute thought, but she would say it.  I would always get that same surprised expression and big smile that she would get and say "you're welcome!" just like she did.

This weekend, I realized that something that I taught her actually stayed with her.  She thanked everyone who came to her shower individually more than once.  She even said and wrote special "thank you's" to a few people who really helped with the shower on her own that night.  Yes, it seems small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but I couldn't have been more proud of her.  For a girl who had never said "thank you" in her life, it seems to come naturally now.  And I know that's because of something that I taught her.  I must have done something right!  :-)

You Know You're a Foster Parent When...

The longer I have CPS meddling in every single aspect of my life, the more I find myself thinking in "avoid the wrath of CPS" terms.  Stay one step ahead!  Head them off at the pass!  Be so completely CPS-proof that there's no way they'll be able to find anything to chastise me about...  Unfortunately, this mindset has also turned me into a completely anal-retentive, obsessive compulsive, paranoid neurotic...  Luckily, blog world and my online foster parent friends have made me realize that I am not alone in my neuroses.  :-)

After searching through pages of other foster parent friends, as well as living on my own in Foster/Adopt Land, I've compiled a list of key characteristics that experienced foster parents seem to possess.

You know you're a foster parent when:

• You notice random outlets at work, businesses, friends' houses, etc. and think, "Quick!  Get an outlet cover!"
• You see photographs of nurseries and various other rooms and immediately play the "What is Wrong with this Picture" game, pointing out all of the safety hazards and CPS violations you can find.
• You have to go to school more than your child does.
• You have a personal stash of children's clothing and toys that rivals that of any children's retail store.
• You find yourself classifying random children into their CPS categories of care (Basic, Moderate, Therapeutic, etc.).
• You can tell the physician what medication your child needs.
• You learn that "caseworker speak" can be extremely misleading.  "Basically a good child with a few behavioral problems" doesn't mean the same thing coming from a caseworker as it does coming from someone in the real world.  (I think "caseworker speak" is going to get its very own blog post in the near future. :-)
• Your neighbors light up the BBQ and upon smelling the smoke, everyone in your house yells, "Where's ____?!?," your resident firestarter.
• Your neighbors don't invite your family to their BBQs anymore.
• You gather up your monthly paperwork to submit it to your agency and discover that you have completed medication logs for yourself as well as your kids.
• Your cell phone becomes a permanent fixture on the end of your hand due to the fact that you are expected to be at the beck and call of two dozen people at any given moment.
• Your heart skips a beat every time the phone rings.
• The speed dial numbers on your phone consist of therapists, caseworkers, schools, etc. rather than family and friends.
• Your cell phone battery dies before 9:00am due to overuse.
• You experience "foster pregnancy" every time you are between placements.
• You can carry on an entire conversation using nothing but acronyms and actually understand what you're talking about.  (TPR, PTSD, RAD, CASA, GAL, CPS, DFPS, PDD, FAS, ODD, WIC, CCMS, etc.)

• You get super excited when you see things like this...  A super-cool, locking tackle box with multiple compartments for separate storage of oral and topical medications!!!

• And even more excited when you realize you can get it in pink!
• Your idea of light summer reading consists of a simple book on child development or Parenting 101 as opposed to your usual material on the effects of drugs and alcohol in newborns or parenting children with RAD.
• You own stock in the Ritalin company.
• Your Christmas wish list consists entirely of organizational and storage tools...  (ex. storage tubs for on-hand clothing and supplies, a huge dayplanner with lots of room for writing daily notes, highlighters, etc.) 
• Your idea of a grand social event is attending your children's court hearings where you get to talk to social workers, attorneys, CASAs, supervisors, etc.
• You have ever wondered how the story about how Little Timmy tried to kill you turned into, "Little Timmy is doing unbelievably well, Your Honor." by the time his caseworker has to report in court.
• You never complete your US Census early because you have no idea how many people will be living in your home as of April 1st.
• The local schools send you extra enrollment packets "just in case."
• The teachers in those schools have nervous breakdowns when they see you coming.
• You watch your two-week placement go from a crib to junior high.
• You have alarms that tell you when someone is leaving the house as opposed to when someone is breaking in.

(And my personal favorite that I found while searching for "You Know You're a Foster Parent When's...")

You know you're a foster parent when...

"Your heart is bigger than your brain."  :-)