Hooray for Highlighters!

As a writer, I've come to realize that I tend to write more passionately about topics that are close to my heart or that hold meaning in my everyday life. After looking back at some of my past posts, I've discovered that (1) I spend way too much time at the office because (2) I have emotional reactions to office supplies. I find that slightly disturbing (especially because I've been regularly-medicated for a while now). I have given warnings to others about the dangers of paper products and have praised the inventor of my amazing stapler. Today, I believe I shall expand on my love of the highlighter.

I've always said that I would marry the man who proposed to me on bended knee with a package of multi-colored, free-flow ink highlighters. Diamonds are supposed to be a girl's best friend and all, but I think HIGHLIGHTERS ROCK!!! :-) You see, I am one of those people who goes to bed at night with the next day's "To Do List" on the brain. I fall asleep to the soothing lull of "I need to do this... and I need to do that..." rather than to counting sheep.

Some people write down a rough "To Do List" for the day or week. The OCD in me, however, compels me to not only write a "To Do List," but to create multiple sublists within the main list! It's not so much that I need the list to remind me of what I need to do. It's because I get a total thrill every time I can mark something off as "completed" with one of my free-flow ink highlighters! It makes me feel so accomplished... So in control and ready to conquer the world! And it makes me even happier when I can color-code completed tasks by category (which is why I need the multi-color pack). They're so pretty, and the beautiful colors make me happy. Someone told me once that I could "just mark it off with a pen." I must have looked at them like they had a third eyeball. ARE YOU NUTS?!? You can't "just mark it off with a pen!" If you do that, you can't see through the ink to see what you've accomplished! DUH!!!

Unfortunately, I didn't realize that my compulsive need for lists and my affection for highlighters weren't exactly normal until I took a personality psychology class in college. The professor was discussing different personality types and some distinguishing characteristics. I wasn't really paying too much attention (I was working on my lists), but then I heard him say "Many Type A personalities will write lists of the lists that they need to write."

I glanced down at the list that I was working on:

• Grocery List
• To Do List
• Homework List for Psych Class
• Lesson Plans for Gymnastics
• What to Pack for Vacation

Well, CRAP! That's embarrassing. I quickly slid that particular list under my book and tried to pay attention, but my highlighters were calling my name, "Taammmmy... Oh, Taaaammy... Use me, Tammy..." So I started working on my "To Do List" instead. The professor goes on to describe more Type A traits and says (as he walks over to my desk and places his hands on my shoulders), "And there are some severe Type A's who might even add something to their list that they've already done just so they can mark it off." I am certain that I turned twenty shades of red because I had done just that! The guy had been watching me the whole time just so he could use me as an example of "one who needs to be medicated."

So, while my somewhat abnormal love for highlighters has caused me some slight embarrassment over the years, I still can't help but ask for them every Christmas. To me, there's no better way to start off a new year than with a brand new package of highlighters. HOORAY FOR HIGHLIGHTERS!!! You bring me such joy... :-)

*** DISCLAIMER - Should my future husband be reading this post, be aware that my comment regarding my preference of highlighters to diamonds in no way releases you from the obligatory diamond engagement ring purchase. I may be a little quirky, but I'm no fool! :-) ***

Run, Chunky Monkey, Run!!!

My best friend (bless her heart) mentioned the other day that she was "thinking about doing a 5K." I give her props. That is indeed quite an undertaking. I've thought many-a-time about doing a 5K. Although, I must admit, I usually wake up screaming from what would clearly be classified as a night terror by any self-respecting psychiatrist. Who in their right mind would willingly do something like that?!? Personally, I would much prefer to sit on my couch, eating Frito pie, and cheer on the contestants of The Biggest Loser as they flop themselves around the track. Run, Chunky Monkey!!! Run like the wind!!! You go, girl!!!

Katie then goes on to say, "I think it would be a good and fun way to get back into shape." WTF?!? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!? And what do you mean by "back into shape?" Are you insinuating that my Santa Claus belly isn't sexy as all heck as it jiggles like a bowlful of jelly? I might just be offended by that! I usually revel in fact that I would be the "skinny chick" on The Biggest Loser. (I won't mention that I usually stop watching the show around week 8 when those fat chicks start weighing less than me.)

Then Katie adds, "There are some that are the 'fun runs'." There are so many things wrong with that particular statement, I don't even know where to begin. Let me start by saying, "just because it rhymes, doesn't mean it's a legitimate phrase." I have never let loose of a "smart fart" or seen a "turtle girdle." I've never heard a "whiny hiney" or participated in a "skunk dunk." Rhyming, yes... Legitimate things or events, I think not. In my mind, "fun" and "run" are two words that should never be combined. The thought of running sends me into full-blown anxiety attacks. No chunky girl likes to have her "fluff" flopping around as the earth trembles beneath her feet as she attempts to quickly launch her body forward! The only time I've run since junior high was when I joined the gym a couple of years ago and Skinny Bitch made me. And believe me... There was nothing "fun" about it. I thought I was going to die. I think this whole "fun run" thing is just an evil ploy to get us to pay money for a worthy cause. Can't I just donate some money and not run? Then we could all be happy!

Just when I thought all hope was lost when it came to my BFF's sanity, she says, "and I can take a stroller to those." THANK YOU, LORD!!! She hasn't lost her mind after all! Now we're talking! I'm all about riding in the stroller! I said as much... and darned if Katie didn't yell at me on Facebook! Apparently the stroller is for the baby. Go figure!

Crazy Week

It's been a pretty crazy week in Foster/Adopt Land. In the past 6 days, I've been submitted for THREE possible placements! The first two ended up going to other families, but I'm still waiting to hear back on the latest one.

It's funny how you learn to roll with it as you get further and further into the process. Since I was verified on December 31st, I've had four potential long-term placements and one potential short-term respite care placement. I've had varying reactions as time has gone on, and I can tell now how I'm learning to take it as it comes.

My first possible respite job would have been for a 6-week-old baby girl. I would have had her for a week while her foster family was out of the state. I spent the entire week leading up to the day preparing for a 6-week-old preemie, only to find out the day before she was supposed to come that the judge ended up placing her permanently with a family member. I was SO BUMMED just because I really wanted the practice.

My second possible baby call (the first potential long-term placement) came one day while I was at lunch with my mom. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest when I saw that my agency was calling. I thought FOR SURE I was gonna get that baby. I even freaked out because my bathroom was dirty, so my mom went over there to clean it after lunch. I was CRUSHED when I found out later that I didn't get her. :-(

Third possible baby call came last Tuesday. I did pretty well not getting my hopes up too much, although I did run around and do some quick spot cleaning at the apartment just in case. I didn't get her though. I was a little bummed, but not totally devasted like I was the first time. And I was secretly glad it happened because it forced me to do the dishes. :-) I did, however, have a little pity party for myself for a moment. "Why won't they pick me? What's the matter with ME?!?" But I got over it quickly.

Potential baby number four call came on Thursday. I was excited because I really (and I mean REALLY) wanted a few days off work (that's an entire different blog in itself. I'll probably expand on that later). They called back twenty minutes later to apologize though and to tell me that they had accidentally posted the baby in the wrong county. I was rather proud of myself though because I didn't get bummed out about not getting the baby or anything. Although I WAS really bummed about having to go back to work on Friday. :-)

Potential baby number five is in the works as I type. I'm not freaking out. I'm not even expecting that I'll get him (although I'd love it if I did). My house is FAIRLY clean, so it should be fine. I might take out the trash or something if they call and say they're bringing him over. :-) I'm learning not to hyperventilate every time I see the caller ID from my agency. At least I know HOW the process works now, so I go into it expecting that I WON'T get the baby, rather than that I WILL. It makes it much easier.

For those of you who don't know how it works, here's a little explanation:

When a baby is taken from the home and a suitable relative can't be found, the child's case worker sends out a broadcast email to the county's case managers with the details. The case managers then "submit" interested foster parents' homestudies to the child's case worker. Each broadcast email closes at a certain time to allow multiple families to essentially apply for the job of fostering. After the broadcast closes, the child's case worker chooses a foster family from the many submissions they received. So it's not like there's a waiting list and they go in order, or a first-come first-served sort of thing or anything like that. They really do want to find the best fit for the child and the foster family.

Anyway... That's the scoop for today! Wish me luck on getting a baby soon. I'll keep everyone posted.

Toilet Paper Etiquette 101

Random Rambling #1 - "Toilet Paper Etiquette 101"

As I journey evermore closely towards my lifelong goal of motherhood, I have become increasingly philosophical and introspective. What truly matters? What's really important? After serious contemplation, I've come to realize that one of the most important things in the world has, quite sadly, been neglected by millions...

... Toilet paper etiquette ...

We all have little pet peeves that drive us crazy, but I'll bet you didn't know that something as mundane as toilet paper could quite literally send people into fits of frenzy. I speak from experience. In my thirty-four years, I have not only been on the receiving end of "Toilet Paper Rage," I have also developed my own theory on proper "Toilet Paper Etiquette." I have, of course, prepared a list for future reference. Feel free to post it in your home bathrooms or in public restrooms everywhere. :-)

"Toilet Paper Etiquette 101"

1. Always have a backup roll within reach! - Personally, I think this would be common sense to anyone stocking bathroom supplies. How many times have you neglected to check the readily-available toilet paper supply before it was "too late?" What is one supposed to do if the extra toilet paper is stored in the hall closet? I'd hate to be a guest at that party!
2. Never cut costs by buying cheap toilet paper. - Trust me, you and your guests will thank me for this one. Yes, in these tough economic times, we are always looking for ways to save money. But believe me when I say it's just not worth it. Cut costs somewhere else... Like by buying store brand canned vegetables or eating lots of rice... Clip coupons for crying out loud! But stick with the super absorbent, double ply, quilted triple rolls when it comes to the barrier between your bum and, well, you know. That single ply sandpaper stuff just doesn't get the job done.
3. Develop the habit of putting the toilet paper on the roll the same direction every time. - Now, I have to admit, I never gave this one a second thought until college. One of my best friends pretty much lived at our apartment, and he shared the hall bathroom with my roommate. After a year of hearing his theory on why the toilet paper must come over the top of the roll, and hearing her complain because he was constantly griping at her for putting it on "the wrong way," I have spent the past 14 years terrified of doing just that. I suppose it doesn't really matter which way it goes... over the top, on the bottom... His main point was that "you should be able to get up in the middle of the night and not have to open your eyes to find the end of the toilet paper. If you always have the end over the top of the roll, it's always there for you. It will never let you down."
4. If you do use the last of the toilet paper, change out the roll! - You wouldn't think this would be that difficult. It takes all of three seconds to pop off the holder, discard the empty roll, and put on a new one (especially if you have followed Rule #1 and have a backup roll within reach). But I swear, I must be the only person on the planet who is capable of this mind-boggling task! There is nothing more irritating than reaching for the toilet paper only to discover an empty roll on the holder, and three mostly-used rolls sitting on the back of the toilet or on the counter 4 inches from the empty holder. I've decided that my family has some secret pact to never change the toilet paper just because they know it drives me insane!
5. Perhaps most importantly... Don't be lazy when the end is near! - I can't tell you how many times I've gone into a bathroom, saw that there was toilet paper on the roll, only to discover that whoever had used it last had left only enough squares on the roll to circle it once just so they could say, "I didn't use the last of the toilet paper!" That's more irritating than if they had used all of it! It's not fun attempting to salvage enough useful toilet tissue off of the part that stuck to the glue on the cardboard.

Toilet Paper Rage is not pretty, and it can be avoided if these five simple guidelines of Toilet Paper Etiquette are followed. Please do your part to help make the world a better place.

House Rules

 

 

Today I started going through all of my foster/adopt paperwork... I thought I'd go ahead and try to get a filing system going now before I get too bogged down with receipts, forms, etc. That's when I found one of my required assignments entitled "House Rules, Rewards, and Consequences."

I've mentioned before some of the total ridiculousness that is required of foster parents. The whole "no foil" thing... The "double lock your medicine" thing... You can't even have dish soap on your counter! Yet hand soap and a clean towel have to be "readily available" at all times. A little confusing, but whatever. At this point, I'll agree to just about anything if it means I'll get to be a "mom" sooner. The "House Rules" assignment, however, was one that I kind of had a problem with.

These "House Rules" must include about ten firm rules of the house, several possible rewards for good behavior, and several consequences for breaking the rules. While I think it's a great idea to establish house rules and have consistent rewards and consequences, the next step in the foster care requirements insists that these House Rules be "prominently-displayed in the child's room for easy reference." I'm fostering infants, for crying out loud! What three-month-old is going to think, "Hmmm... I wonder if this is acceptable behavior... Let me consult my House Rules!"? For that matter, what kind of rules does one give a baby?!?

I was at a complete loss, but then my niece and nephew came over for a visit, and I had one of my oh-so-brilliant ideas. Why not get "Buddy" and "Ka-Diva" to help me come up with some good House Rules?!? Let's see what a couple of (at the time) three-year-olds think is important when it comes to manners, good behavior, and safety! They felt very important helping Aunt Tammy with her "homework." And my sister and I had a blast listening to their answers. Some were really insightful, and others were just downright HILARIOUS (especially because they were said in all seriousness. :-)

Here's what the twins came up with. In the end, I took their answers, consolidated them a bit, and turned it in for my assignment. (But I also added their original answers so the case workers could have a little chuckle.)

Mealtime Rules

1. Always say, "May I please be excused" after you finish eating.
2. No elbows on the table.
3. Chew with your mouth closed.
4. It's not 'good manners' to burp.
5. Try all of your food to find out if you like it, and eat however many bites Mommy tells you to eat even if you don't like it.

Playing with Others

1. Share your toys.
2. Don't hit.
3. Don't kick.
4. Don't take toys from other kids.
5. No fighting.
6. Don't be bossy. ("Princess" and I are working on this one. It's not that we're "bossy" really. We just know how things should be done. :-)

Safety Rules (They've been VERY into safety lately.)

1. No jumping on the couch.
2. No breaking glass.
3. Don't touch fire.
4. Don't open the door by yourself.
5. Don't go with strangers.
6. Always wear a lifejacket by the water.
7. Don't go outside without a grown-up.
8. Always hold a grown-up's hand in the parking lot.

My Personal Favorites

1. (Input from Buddy) - "Turn on your ears and listen when Mommy is telling you something." (There's this thing called "Mommy Deafness" where a mom can be screaming in her child's ear, but he can't hear her. However, he can hear the trash truck coming from five blocks away over his mother's screams.)
2. (Input from Ka-Diva) - "Always say, 'Excuse me' when you burp or toot."
3. (Then added from Buddy) - "It's not good manners to burp or toot, but if you have to, you have to do it so no one can hear." (My sister and I got a great lesson on this in the Chick-Fil-A dining area. The twins were "just soooo gassy" as Princess put it, and were having a contest of sorts. Christy sternly told them to stop it, and a minute later my dainty little niece loudly exclaims, "You didn't hear that toot, Mommy!!!" We might not have heard the toot, but everyone in the restaurant heard her exclamation. :-)
4. (Also from the Ka-Diva) - "Don't go outside in your socks or you have to go into Time Out!" (I'm not entirely sure where this rule came from, but she is extremely adamant about it. She is constantly giving my dad and brother-in-law "time outs" for going outside in their socks.)
5. (Input from both of them at the same time) - "Always brush your teeth or you will get 'cabities' and they'll fall out, but the Tooth Fairy doesn't come if your teeth fall out from 'cabities' so always brush your teeth. :-)
6. (Also from both) - "It's not 'good manners' to wake up Mommy and Daddy when they're sleeping. You're supposed to go in the other room and be quiet."

So those were the most important rules that the twins could come up with. Not bad for a couple of three-year-olds. But before we ended the assignment, I asked them what they thought a good reward was when they did something good. My nephew's immediate response was so sweet... He thinks the best reward is "hugs and kisses." How cute is that?!? :-)