My Newest Addiction

Hi...  My name is Mimi, and I'm addicted to Scentsy.

It's a sickness, really...  One for which I should probably seek some sort of psychological or medical intervention...  But OMG!  Those tiny little squares of smelly goodness just make me so happy!!!

Growing up, my mom had always been what we like to refer to as a "Tiny Flame Pyromaniac."  She always had candles going around the house.  The house smelled great, and her obsession with good smelly wax transferred onto my sister and me.  We've both been known to have multiple candles burning throughout the house at any given time.  ...and then we had children, and we didn't know what to do!  How do we enjoy our obsession with hot wax that makes your entire house smell like a bakery when there are little people wanting to play with the flame?!?  There are only so many high, out of reach places where you can leave lighted candles!

...Enter - SCENTSY!!!...

So "What is Scentsy?" you might ask...  OMG!  "Only the best, most amazingly innovative invention since the airplane," I say!  It's a cross between potpourri and a candle warmer without all of the watery mess of potpourri or the frustration of the "hidden candle wick" after you heat up a jar candle on a warmer.  They have super-pretty electric burners and dozens and dozens of fantastically amazing scents that come in little wax bars.  You just put a couple of squares from the bar into the "pot" on the burner and PRESTO!  Your entire house smells like you've been baking cookies or have fresh-cut flowers in every room!

I had a feeling that I was going to be in serious trouble when I went to my first Scentsy party at Katie's house right before Christmas.  I left there $80 poorer and anxiously-awaiting my three Scentsy Plug-In Packages (Yes!  They even have plug-in warmers!)  I ordered a package for myself, one for my mom, and one for Christy to try out in the hope that this super-cool product would prevent us from eventually burning down our houses with our "tiny flame pyromaniac" tendencies.  We loved them!

Then Katie hits me up with, "I think I'm going to start selling Scentsy myself."  Being the fantastic BFF that I am, I naturally had to be the hostess of her very first party.  Sales were great, and as hostess, I ended up with about $80 worth of free merchandise as well as four other items at 50% off.  I left that party another $80 poorer and the proud owner of about half of the 80 available scents and four additional warmers.  (I'm beginning to see a theme here with the "80"s) 

A few weeks later, I fell victim again when I received an email about the "Warmer of the Month."  It was so cute!  And it wasn't like any of the other warmers in the catalog.   I had to have it...  I also just had to have the "Scent of the Month" (along with a warmer for my office and five other scents that I hadn't seen at the previous parties).  "JUST SAY 'NO,' TAMMY!!!"  But, alas...  $80 later, I was the proud owner of the oh-so-adorable bird nest warmer of the month...

Things seemed to settle down for a little while.  I hadn't made any Scentsy purchases in a month or so.  I'm sure Katie was beginning to freak out a bit because I do believe that I have single-handedly kept her business going.  And that's when it came...  Another email from Scentsy Heaven... 

Bringing back 20 Retired Scents for July only!!!

I see where this is headed, and it's not pretty.  I really could have used that $80.

Foster Pregnancy

Yes.  It is a real thing!  I've hit the two-month "foster pregnant" mark without a placement, and the symptoms of foster pregnancy are really kicking in.  While foster pregnancy may not have all of the symptoms that traditional pregnancy has, it does have a list of symptoms all its own.  They are not pleasant, and based on my whiny-assed cry baby reaction completely irrational, less than mature response to the waiting, I once again realize that I would not be a good "real" pregnant person.

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #1 - Growth of an additional appendage (aka. the cell phone).  When I am foster pregnant, my cell phone follows me everywhere.  And I do mean EVERWHERE.  I become one of those icky people who lugs the cell phone into the bathroom with me on the off chance that my family specialist calls me with a potential placement.  It hasn't happened yet, but I'm not taking any chances.  Goodness knows, the one time I don't take it with me, she'll call.

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #2 - Uncontrollable need to constantly check the display on the cell phone.  I find myself picking up the phone every 5-10 minutes to look at the display.  You never know...  It's possible that I might have missed a call!  Sure, the phone is never more than an arm's length away, and the darn thing is set to ring as loud as possible as well as vibrate, but what if I experience a moment of temporary deafness or if the phone fails to function properly?!?  I don't want to miss "The Call."  So the phone must be checked!

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #3 - Heart palpitations at the ringing of the cell phone.  Without fail, every single time the phone rings my heart skips a beat.  If it happens to be my family specialist's phone number that pops up on the caller ID, my heart starts racing.  I've even designated a special ringtone just for her, but it doesn't matter.  My heart still goes all whompy when I'm waiting for a placement and the phone rings.

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #4 - Side stitches and leg cramps.  You might be wondering about this one, but the side stitches and leg cramps are a direct result of hours and hours of pacing.

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #5 - The compulsive need to do everything that you did before past placements in the hopes of recreating the scenario.  Before the Munchkin, I whined about foster pregnancy on my blog (hence this post today).  Before the Booger, I emailed my family specialist and told her not to forget about me for the 1,000th time (I did that this morning).  I firmly believe she placed the Booger Bear with me just to get me off her back.  :-)  I'm putting off packing for the big move because if it's anything like what happened with the Munchkin, I'll get a placement at the most inopportune time (right before I have to move and before I've packed).

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #6 - Nesting.  And not just your typical "preparing for a baby" nesting...  Foster parents "nest" for a wide range of ages.  I've been busy getting the house ready for up to two kiddos, boy and/or girl, any age from 0 to 4 years old!  Fortunately, the more placements I have, the more supplies I accumulate.  Eventually, I'll have it down to a science!

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #7 - The urge to bite the head off of the next person who asks, "So do you have a baby yet?"  F'real?  If I got a baby last night, do you think I'd be at work today?  Ummm, no.  "Well, when are you going to get one?"  Seriously?  Go away.  You make my brain hurt.  Granted, part of this symptom might be more related to Bipolar Girl and the fact that my anti-crazy meds haven't fully kicked in yet, but foster pregnancy doesn't help matters much either.

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #8 - The impulse to ask inappropriate questions about adoption plans to every pregnant teenager you see or to call CPS yourself to report the obnoxious woman who hauled her 7 children under the age of 4 out in the 30 degree weather in nothing but diapers and t-shirts, but was all bundled up in heavy winter gear herself.  That just irritates the hell out of me!

Foster Pregnancy Symptom #9 - Whining about waiting.  Whining about what's taking so long.  Whining about "Why won't they pick me?...  What's the matter with me?"  Just whining in general.  I think whining is just a "pregnancy" symptom no matter what kind of "pregnant" you happen to be.

So you see...  Foster pregnancy is not without its symptoms.  Fortunately, I can still drink my Diet Coke.  I don't have to pee every five minutes.  And I'm sleeping great (except for when I jolt awake in the middle of the night to grab the cell phone and check the display to make sure I haven't missed "The Call.")

"Foster Friday" - Too Much to Do

Now that I've had a few placements, I've found that I am very quickly learning how the system works (or doesn't work in some cases).   I'm still a newbie though, so I could always use helpful advice from people who have been where I am.  I thought I would use this forum to provide some real-life insight and tips from experienced foster parents to people new in Foster/Adopt Land.

What you may not know:

***  Your life will no longer be your own if you don't set some ground rules. ***

The vast majority of the initial foster care training classes are geared towards what to expect from the children in your care.  Very little emphasis is given to what to expect from the adults in Foster/Adopt Land.  It can be extremely frustrating and overwhelming for new foster parents when they have no idea what to expect. 

Example #1 - When I got the Immobile Munchkin, she was brought to my house by a Case Aid and my Family Specialist from my agency.  The morning after she arrived, I was bombarded by phonecalls from people wanting to "set up a time to come to the house."  My FS wanted to set up her follow-up, the Munchkin's caseworker wanted to come by, and someone from someplace I hadn't heard of until that point wanted to come evaluate her.  I later learned that young children entering foster care in Texas are automatically evaluated by ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) to determine where they are developmentally and to schedule different therapies if needed.  No one had ever mentioned that before.  I also received phone calls from Star Health (medical insurance) wanting to do a medical history for the baby (a baby who I knew absolutely nothing about other than that she came to me in a body cast and a helmet that she had to wear 23 hours a day to reshape her skull).  I had to schedule a follow-up with the doctor at the hospital, a regular physical exam, and a dental appointment.  There were four people wanting access to my house (next week's "Foster Friday" topic) within one day of placement and multiple outside appointments needing to be done within two weeks!  It would have been more, but the Munchkin was moved into her new home after 5 days.

Example #2 - When the Booger Bear came to me, I had a little better idea of what to expect based on those few days with the Munchkin.  Within the first two weeks, Booger had visits from his first caseworker, his new caseworker, my family specialist, ECI, and an investigator.  Angel came less than a month later, and things really got crazy.  Fortunately, the kids had the same caseworker.  But that was pretty much where the similarities ended.  Over the rest of the year we had monthly visits from their caseworker, my family specialist, and each child's CASA (court appointed special advocate).  Also making appearances over the course of the year were one of Angel's attorneys (she had two - one as a parent and one as a child), a psychiatrist, the director of my agency, case aids providing transportation to visitations, and a rep from Licensing.  It was insane!  And those were only the people coming to the house!  We had multiple required appointments away from the house as well!  I had pretty much had enough, leading me to write the "Enough is Enough" post.

"What did I do to make things easier on me and the kids?"

Simply, I learned that they need to schedule around me.  I'm a single working mom, and I have no intention of losing my job, so they need to work around my schedule.  I plan one weekday a month to take off work and let all of the regular monthly visitors know a few weeks ahead of time.  If they want to do their home visits during a weekday, they need to schedule for that day.  Otherwise, they have to do evening or weekend visits or they can go see the kids at their school or daycare and do my interview over the phone (I didn't even realize that was an option until about 9 months into the placement and the Booger's caseworker mentioned it off-handedly). 

I also try to let the monthly visitors know as soon as one of them schedules their visit at the house.  More often than not, one or more of them will try to visit at the same time.  It's definitely easier on me and the kids, and it's really helpful having the adults involved in the case together in order to be certain that everyone is on the same page.  Because there are so many people involved in these cases, lack of communication tends to be a HUGE problem.  Getting several of the key players together at one time has been very helpful for all of us.

I try to schedule outside appointments on my one day off a month as well (ex. dentist, physicals, etc.).  It's usually an insanely busy day, but if I can get the majority of the month's appointments done in one day, it leaves the rest of the month for the kids just to be kids.  There are inevitably unavoidable things that come up that can't work around my schedule (ex. court dates, weekly therapy, agency audits, etc.), but for the most part things are getting easier as I figure out what all I can control.  I found out recently that some therapists will go to the kids' schools so that would help considerably.  I'm also lucky because I get a case aid to do transportation to and from visitations for the kids due to the fact that I'm a single working mom.

With so many appointments, it can be difficult to keep track of it all. 

Mimi's Tip for the Week:

*** Purchase a dayplanner with lots and lots of room to write down appointments and notes for each child, and keep it near you at all times. ***

I have a large (8.5 x 11) weekly planner that never leaves my side when I have a placement.  I use it to keep track of everyone's schedules as well as to jot down notes about visitations, milestones, behavioral problems, giving medications, etc.  It comes in incredibly handy when I complete my monthly progress reports and med logs for the kids.  Keeping it with me has also helped when I get the inevitable phone calls asking, "When did so-and-so last go to the dentist?" or "How many visits have the kids had with their parents now?"  It's a great way to keep track of schedules as well as doubles as a diary of sorts.  Believe me, I can't tell you how many times I've had to go back and reference notes and other pertinent information in mine.  Having everything in one location is a huge help when it comes to the paperwork.

So what about you? 

How do you other foster parents keep track of everything?  Do you have any advice for new or potential foster parents when it comes to all of the required appointments, visits, paperwork, etc.?

***  Next week's topic: "Foster Friday" - You're Coming to My House? ***

Sir Thomas (My Spoiled Cat)

This was Tommie (my extremely spoiled cat) this morning...



I tried to pretend like I was still asleep, but after 15 minutes of constant meowing, very loud purring, laying on my head, chewing on my hair, licking my arm, and burying his wet nose in my ear, I finally gave up and got out of bed to feed him.  The little snot took ONE BITE and promptly ran back into my bedroom, jumped up on the now empty bed, curled up smack in the middle of it, and went to sleep.

Where did I go wrong?

Mother's Day (Edited)

You know you have a bad case of baby fever when you have to stop yourself from asking the pregnant teen carhop at Sonic if she would consider letting you adopt her baby.  I swear, it took every ounce of willpower in me not to ask, "So...  What'ya gonna do with it after it's out?"

I'm having a really hard time with Mother's Day looming right around the corner.  For the second year in a row, I'm a mom without my kids.  Last Mother's Day, I was between placements.  The Immobile Munchkin had been moved to her new home (which is still working out fantastically, I might add :), and I was impatiently awaiting the Booger Bear's arrival.  This year is even harder because I've been a mom to Booger Bear and Angel for nearly a year, and now they're gone.  I was a mom for a year, and I don't even get to see my kids on the one day that's supposed to be special for moms.  Even if I do get a placement between now and then, it won't make up for the fact that I don't get to be with the two of them. 

I'm just having a serious case of the "it's not fairs," the "woe is me's," the "why is it thats," etc.  It's not fair!  Why is it that there people like me who want to be parents so badly and who would be great parents, but can't have children?  Why is it that there are people who have absolutely no business having babies, but are popping them out like PEZ dispensers?  I don't get it.

But on the other hand, the one thing that I am sure of is that fostering is what I am meant to do.  God never would have put this in my heart if He didn't mean for me to throw myself into it with all that I am.  My sister is a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I have to agree.  If I had been able to get pregnant, I probably would have gone that route.  If I could have afforded a private adoption, I probably would have done that.  Instead, God put speedbumps and detours along the way that led me to foster care.  And as hard as it is, it is absolutely worth it.  Fostering has already brought three amazing kids into my life.  Three kids who I never would have met or loved if I hadn't listened to what God was telling me to do...

So I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself because I'll get to be "mom" to dozens of kids before I'm through!  How many women can actually say that?  (Except for Mama Duggar maybe) :D  Maybe one of these years, I'll actually have some of them with me on Mother's Day.  Who knows...  Maybe God will send me my next kiddo this week, but if not I'll just remind myself that I've been "mom" to three unbelievable children, and I hope they know how much I love them and how blessed I feel to have had them in my life.

***  Wow!  This is exactly what I needed to see today!  So many people ask, "How/why do you do foster care?"  This puts it into words. ***