Wednesday, September 10, 2008

And the Winner Is...

It was a monumental day in CBC Land today. Were the 1100 already underpaid employees given cost of living increases to help them out and possibly improve morale a bit? Did management decide to give bonuses to the employees whose workload more than doubled after our merge with another blood center? Of course not! That would just be silly!...

Today marked what I believe is the 37th week in a row where an already-established member of management was promoted to an even higher level of management. Now that's just what we needed! A Senior, Senior Director under the COO, but over the Senior Director over the Director over the three Managers over the one (I kid you not, ONE) employee in the Facilities department... Can anyone say, "top-heavy?"

I have to admit, I'm a little bummed. Not because it seems that I will soon have seven bosses within a ten person department (we only have three right now, so we're overdue for some new management positions by CBC standards), but because no one let me in on how I can get one of these positions! I have my theories, of course. And I have decided to try them out one at a time until I find the one that works.

Week One in Tammy's Quest for Directorship - "Calling Dibs"As soon as this week's new Director was announced, I jumped up on my chair and loudly exclaimed, "I CALL DIBS ON NEXT WEEK'S DIRECTOR POSITION!!!" I think it is quite possible that whoever screamed the loudest might get the job. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, although I might have to fight my Accounting Manager for it. He yelled rather loudly himself, and then he proceeded to challenge me to a game of "rock, paper, scissors" for it. He doesn't scare me though. I can outsmart him.

Week Two, Should Week One Fail - "Entering the Raffle"I believe it's highly possible that everyone has been entering some sort of Management Raffle that I don't know about. I know I've seen my bosses take out what look suspiciously like ticket stubs around the same time every week, just before the new promotions are announced. I just need to find out where I can purchase those tickets, and I'm in! If I buy enough of those puppies, I bet I could move from Supervisor to "Triple Platinum Senior Director to the 25th Power" in no time!!! That'd be cool.

Week Three - "Discover the Secret Handshake"It has occurred to me that promotion to a management position might not be as straightforward as calling dibs or entering a raffle. I have decided that I must also watch our steadily-growing management team for unusual behavior such as a secret handshake when they think no one is looking, or the utterance of the week's new secret password. I'm fairly certain I saw this week's winner and a couple of the chief officers bump knuckles, dance a Riverdance jig, cross their arms in that rapper pose, and utter something that sounded like, "Cock-a-doodle-doo! Peace out" when they thought they were alone. I'll have my eye on them, that's for sure!

Week Four - "Promote Myself"Shoot! With over 500 supervisors, managers, directors, senior directors, chief officers, etc. already in place, who the heck is going to notice if I start showing up to management meetings?!? I'm already one of the chosen few with access to "All Users" via email. I think I might just send out an email telling everyone to join in congratulating me to my new, well-earned position as "Super-Duper, Big Boss Lady Over Everyone and Everything."

I'm sure there are plenty of other strategies that I can use to further my CBC career and head in the direction of management. Honestly, I think it might be more difficult to avoid promotion into management at the rate they're going! It's actually become a big joke among the "little people" at the office. So next week, when the 501st person is promoted and you hear hysterical laughter coming from CBC headquarters, don't be surprised. Just be kicking yourself for not learning the secret interpretive dance. It could have been you!
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