Bad Vegetarian, Bad!

It's been a week and a half since I revealed my grand plan to become a vegetarian in support of my BFF's 30-Day run at Veganism.  I thought today would be a fine time to report on my progress.

Day One - No meat whatsoever!  This is easy!  I am totally rockin' this whole Vegetarianism thing.  Hooray for broccoli!!!   I am down with the herbivores!   Potatoes...  They're what's for dinner!

Impossibly Easy Southwestern Pie

Days Two & Three - On a mission to locate awesome vegetarian recipes.  Searching online and finding some super-yummy stuff.  Created a "Vegetarian Recipe" board and started pinning away.  I can't wait to try my hand in the kitchen!

Day Four - Ohhh...  You know what would make these recipes really good???  Meat!!!  Still haven't eaten any, but that Southwestern Pie would sure be yummy with some hamburger.

Nutty Mixed Up Salad

Day Five - Went to J@son's Deli for an office birthday lunch and got the absolute best salad I have ever had!  "The Nutty Mixed Up Salad..."  Organic field greens, grapes, raisins, dried cranberries, apples, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, feta cheese, raspberry vinaigrette dressing...  Granted, it had grilled chicken breast in it, but I didn't think about that until I was finished.

Day Six - Katie informed me that I am officially "the worst vegetarian ever" just because I had chicken in my salad at lunch yesterday!  Glad I didn't mention the pizza rolls that I had for dinner tonight...  I don't think those should count though.  There's barely anything in there, and I think it's fake "meat" anyway.  :-)

Day Seven -  Man, I really want a taco.  Like the kind with shredded beef from Fuzzy's...  I wonder if I could be a vegetarian most of the time, but with an occasional "cheat day."  Like an "a little meat for two meals out of the week" is okay kind of thing...  I think that's acceptable.  I'm going to Fuzzy's!

Mimi's little insomniacs after they FINALLY crashed.

Day Eight - Got a late-night phone call from Heaven asking if I could keep Booger and Banana overnight so she and Kelly could take care of a little emergency that had come up.  When they came to pick up the kids afterwards, they brought me a Chili's giftcard as a "thank you" and wished me "good luck on that whole vegetarian thing" (giggle giggle).  I wonder if Chili's chicken fried steak could be considered a vegetarian dish...

Day Nine - Made a pork tenderloin that I've had up in the freezer for dinner.  Can't just let it go to waste, right?  I wonder if I could be a 2/3 vegetarian...  Like "meat-free for two out of three meals of the day..."  Works for me!  Or maybe I could just give up red meat so chicken and pork could be fair game.  That sounds doable!

Day Ten - OMG!!!  I WANT POT ROAST!!!  I haven't made a pot roast since last winter, but boy oh boy does it sound delish...  Forget this mess!  Katie is on her own!  I am officially a "vegetarian who eats meat."

A Blaze of Glory: Mishaps of the Culinarily-Challenged

I am not exactly known for my culinary prowess.  I give myself some credit.  I'm not the worst cook in the world.  I'm fairly certain that I could boil water if given proper instructions, but I will admit that the extent of my culinary genius tends to be along the lines of EZ Mac-n-Cheese with cut up hot dogs.  For the most part, if there are more than five ingredients or spices of any kind, I will probably screw it up.  I know this about myself.  I'll own it.  In fact, I'll even throw out a few examples of my culinary mishaps on the World Wide Web for all to see!  :-)

My first clue that I should probably not be let loose in a kitchen came one evening when I had the oh-so-brilliant idea to make myself some S'mores.  I had all of the ingredients, and they were calling my name!


This is what I wanted...

What I ended up with was something akin to a charred heap of burning rubble.  Apparently graham crackers catch on fire in the microwave.  Who knew?!?

After my microwave went down in a blaze of glory along with my S'mores, I was at a complete loss as to how I was going to eat.  I ended up doing what anyone would do in that situation.  I called my Mommy.  And darned if she didn't laugh at me when I asked her how on earth a person was supposed to cook hotdogs without a microwave!  Who knew there were so many different ways to cook a hotdog?!?

After I mastered the cooking of the hotdog, I must have mistakenly determined that I was a whiz in the kitchen because I just knew that I could tackle entire meals by myself.  I even decided that I would face my fears about raw meat head-on and cook chicken and use ground hamburger!  I sat down one Saturday afternoon and spent the next four hours creating a menu for the week.  It was a thing of beauty!  I have a slightly disturbing love of lists, so I was immediately digging this whole "cooking" thing even though I had yet to actually cook.

One trip to the grocery store later, having purchased items that were completely foreign to me like "EVOO" and bay leaves, I decided to hit the ground running and cook my first real "meal."  Lemon pepper chicken, steamed asparagus, and wild rice with waldorf salad for dessert... That first real "meal" turned out to be my last.  Apparently there is a timing issue that needs to be addressed when cooking several dishes for one meal. I ended up with rubber chicken, soggy rice, crunchy asparagus, and an apple for dessert.  Twelve years later, I have yet to muster the courage to attempt another full-fledged "meal."  Casseroles all the way for this single foster mama!

Some people might wonder why I choose to only foster infants.  One might assume it is because infants don't have nearly the amount of emotional problems that older children in foster care possess.  However, for me, one of the major deciding factors was the whole "you have to feed them" thing, and the thought of having to prepare actual meals with a variety of food groups scared the bejeezers out of me.  Give me an infant on bottles and baby food or toddlers who love Gerber meals and fruit any day!  That, I can manage.  I just really hope that when I finally am able to adopt, my kids enjoy a good ole casserole.  'Cause that's what they're going to get.  :-)

Fat Girl Rationalization ;-P

I decided to go with the Chili Cheese Fritos for lunch today because it just seemed like more of a well-rounded "meal" than the competition.

Chili = MEAT

Cheese = DAIRY

Fritos = CORN chips...

Can I rationalize my horrific eating habits, or what???  ;-P

It's a Twin "Thing"

After 6 1/2 years, my sister finally got the baby shower she deserved the first time around!  When Christy got pregnant with Buddy and Ka-Diva after years on the fertility treatment roller coaster ride, we were all thrilled silly.  We started planning her baby shower early because she lived in another state at the time, and we knew that she wouldn't be able to travel later on.  Little did we know, she'd end up on bedrest at 20 weeks.  So our baby shower plans kind of went down the drain.  :(

Now, 6 1/2 years later, Christy's pregnant with her second (and last) set of twins!  And this time... bedrest or not...  We were giving her a shower!  At least she's back in the state, so it made things a lot easier.  :)  My BFF Katie and I were determined to throw her an insanely awesome shower to make up for the one that she never got for Twin Set #1, and I have to say, I think we pulled it off!

The Theme:  Dr. Seuss Starring Thing 1 and Thing 2!  (Perfect for twins!)

The Inspiration:  Just Google it, and you can find all sorts of awesome ideas.

So here's what we came up with, in photos...  (I will tell you now that you will not be seeing photos of the guest of honor.  She is very pregnant with twins, and I fear for my physical well-being should I post photos of her on the World Wide Web for all to see.  ;-)  We did get some great pics though.  :-)

Katie's house is currently being remodeled, so we had to get a little creative when it came to covering up exposed beams, etc.  We (and by "we," I mean "Katie" because I'm a big giant chicken when it comes to standing on ladders) covered just about all of the exposed beams with turquoise table coverings.  A "life"-sized "Cat in the Hat" greeted guests as they arrived.

Lots of Dr. Seuss books and little "hidden" touches throughout the house...  Complete with a kids' table and homemade Dr. Seuss coloring books for the kiddos.

The Sign-In table...

Guests signed a matted photo of Thing 1 and Thing 2 in place of a traditional guest book. The picture was framed so Christy can hang it in the nursery.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 Diaper Cakes...  We'd never done diaper cakes before, but they were surprisingly easy!  We knocked these out in less than 30 minutes!

Yes, we even had a candy bar.  (Hee-hee...  Get it?  A "candy bar?"  ;-)

Thing 1 & Thing 2 cupcakes that Katie's mom made for the shower. SO CUTE! They started out with blue cotton candy "hair," but the humidity was a little too high, and it quickly melted. :( Mama Havins was prepared though, and Plan B worked out perfectly! Thank you, Kathy!!! :D)

SUPER-YUMMY cake that my friend, Jeanne, and her husband made for us.

One table of food... Green deviled eggs, "Thing" Jello parfaits, fruit salad, our awesome "Thing" cake, raspberry tea w/fresh raspberries, and cranberry lemonade punch...

Christy's favorite of the day was the "Thing" jello parfaits... But the green eggs were gone within 15 minutes.

More yummy food!!! Goldfish crackers & Chex Mix, cheese & crackers, fresh veggies w/ dip (thank you, Mom, for putting those together!), and ham & cheese sliders (sandwiches went FAST... Got the recipe here).



Close-up of the individual veggie cups with dip. SUPER CUTE, and everyone seemed to like them.

The game table... We did the "Baby Food Guessing Game," the "What's in the Diaper Game," and the "Guess How Many Candies Are in the Bottles Game."

I kind of think the candy in the bottle game was rigged. Christy won the M&M one and was only ONE PIECE OFF!!!

Game prizes...  Katie laughed at me because I wrapped and "Seuss-ed" them up a bit.  :-)

I saw this frame idea on several sites, and HAD to do it.  It was a fun way to make sure that we got pictures of everyone at the shower, and we all had a blast.  We had one escapee, but managed to capture everyone else.  Here are a few of my favorites...

My mommy! :-) We forgot to take pics of ourselves because we'd all been working so hard, so we took some last-minute ones so we could prove that yes, we WERE at the shower too. :-)

Katie's mom, Kathy Sue (not to be confused with MY mom, Kathy Sue). We couldn't have pulled this shower off without our moms! They were AWESOME!

Even the kiddos got in on the action!



Besties and co-hostesses... We really do need to go into business doing this. It would be so much fun planning parties with other people's money! :D)

Overall, I was pretty proud of how everything turned out.  I think I hurt in places I didn't even know I had for a few days afterwards, but it was worth it!  Christy got an awesome shower with house full of her closest friends and family.  Katie, our moms, and I were so happy that we could pull this together for her!  She deserved it!!!  :-)

I Cooked Meat!!!

I did it!!!  I COOKED MEAT!!!

I suppose one must first understand my complete and total disdain for cooking, touching, or even looking at raw meat in order to truly grasp the enormity of that statement.  I think it stems from early memories of my mother making fried chicken when we were young.  I still have the mental images of her cutting body parts off of raw chickens in our kitchen sink.  And let me just say...  OMG!!! EWWWW!!!  Don't even get me started on the nastiness of preparing meatloaf!  And then the whole trimming the fat off of round steak or shoving your hand up a turkey's hind end...  I'm gagging at the mere thought of it!

Thanks to the joys of frozen, boneless, skinless, fully-cooked chicken breast, my dad (the Master of Meat) who makes the best BBQ on the planet, and these things called "restaurants," I've managed to go most of my adult life without having to go down the meat aisle at the grocery store.  "What about when you make Hamburger Helper," you ask?  I do Hamburger Helper without the hamburger.  And I've also discovered the awesomeness of those Banquets Homestyle Complete Meals.  Everything is right there for you.  No nastiness required.

When Angel moved in with me last summer, you would think that my major concern would have been how she would adjust to having rules or if I could handle the situation as a whole.  But no...  My big "panic" was over the thought of having to cook dinner and how that would most likely have to include a meat of some sort!  I was dreading it like you wouldn't believe!  I prayed she was a vegetarian!  You can imagine my excitement that first day when Angel asked if she could be in charge of cooking.  :)  She insisted that she loved to cook, and that she really wanted to do it...  and the dozen jars of spices that she unpacked from the very few belongings that she brought with her proved that she meant business!  Let me tell you, I ate well when she was with me.  That girl can cook!!!

I don't think Angel believed me when I told her that I couldn't be near raw meat until one particular trip to the grocery store.  Most shopping trips, I'd just send Angel to grab whatever she needed from the meat aisle while I was getting other stuff.  I could avoid gagging, and Angel wouldn't have to see her mother act like a fool in public.  It was a win/win situation.  However, the day before Christmas, we had to make a special trip to the store to get the ingredients for Angel to make fajitas (SOOOO GOOD!!!) for our Mexican Food Christmas with the family.  Somehow, I didn't time it correctly, and I headed back to find Angel just as she was holding up two packages of (I cringe as I think of it) raw chicken strips and steak and asked me, "Do you think these will work, Mom?"  I must have turned three shades of green and started dry heaving as I turned my back and walked away without answering.  And all I could hear (besides the ringing in my ears) was Angel giggling in the background and yelling, "Sorry, Mom!"  :)

So, yeah...  I don't cook meat.

Fastforward to last Monday when I decided to try "Something New" and make Red Beans and Rice with ground hamburger...  Just like Angel used to make for us...  I DID IT!!!  I BOUGHT AND COOKED THE MEAT ALL BY MYSELF!!!  I even used the spices that Angel used for it, and added additional red beans and everything.  Granted, I never actually touched the meat.  I cut the cellophane off of the top of the carton and dumped it straight into the skillet.  Then I used a spatula to separate it all up.  I tried not to really look at it until it was nearly completely cooked, and I think I only gagged a couple of times.  :)

Yes!  I cooked meat!  And it was good! 

Who knows...  Maybe I'll brave up and do meatloaf soon!  (Is it possible to prepare meatloaf without touching it?)

More Recipes for the Cooking-Impaired

It’s that time again. The time of the year when potlucks and family dinners abound… The time of year that puts fear into the hearts of the culinarily-challenged… Is your idea of a gourmet meal macaroni and cheese with cut up hotdogs? Mine too! So once again, I have decided to share one or two of my “Recipes for the Cooking-Impaired” to help you through the month ahead.

Black Forest Angel Food Cake

1 Box Angel Food Cake Mix
1 Can Cherry Pie Filling
4 Tbs Cocoa
Top with Cool Whip after cooling

Dump angel food cake mix, cocoa, and cherry pie filling into a mixing bowl.
Mix together for one minute on medium speed.
Pour into non-greased, non-floured angel food cake pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 40 minutes.


Or, for the Slightly More Courageous…

Holiday Potatoes

8-10 potatoes
1 cup sour cream
1 - 8 oz bar cream cheese
1 tsp onion powder
1 stick butter
½ tsp garlic powder
salt
pepper

Boil and mash 8-10 potatoes.
Add all additional ingredients.
(Salt and pepper to taste.)
Mix well.
Grease deep casserole bowl with butter.

Bake in a 350 degree pre-heated oven for one hour.

Recipes for the Cooking-Impaired

It's November now, and the holiday season will be here before we know it. It's a time of family gatherings, evenings out with friends, and endless potluck dinners. Yes, potlucks… For many of us, that one word can induce panic attacks complete with heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and cold sweats. We're the people whose first response to the potluck invitation is usually something along the lines of, "I'll bring the plates!"

It's not necessarily that we're cooking-impaired… Surely most of us could master boiling water provided we have careful instructions. I like to think that I am merely cooking-impatient. My personal philosophy is that anything that calls for more than five ingredients or that takes more than five minutes to prepare is just not worth the hassle (aka. the 5/5 Rule). Give me cold Pop Tarts or EZ Mac-N-Cheese any day.

Whatever the case, some of us just need a little help finding the perfect potluck dish. Luckily, I've collected a few recipes over the years that adhere to the 5/5 Rule, and you'd never be able to tell. People will rave about your tasty dishes. They'll beg you to tell them your secrets. I say, let them marvel at your newfound talents in the kitchen. They need never know you followed the 5/5 Rule.

Creamy Fruit Dip

1 bar cream cheese
1 jar marshmallow cream

Beat cream cheese. Add marshmallow cream; beat until smooth. Chill before serving.


(If you'd like to get really adventuresome, add a few tablespoons of crushed pineapple or orange juice to the mixture.)

--- NOTE: It might be a good idea to make sure someone is bringing a fruit tray before making Creamy Fruit Dip.



Dump Cake

(You can call this Cherry-Pineapple Upside-Down Cake for added flare)

1 box yellow cake mix
1 stick margarine
1 large can crushed pineapple (not drained)
1 can cherry pie filling

Mix pie filling and pineapple in a 9x11 glass dish. Cover with cake mix. Dot with margarine. Bake for 55 minutes in a 350 degree oven.

Thanksgiving Dinner

So, I just read my cousin Sheena's latest blog. She's newly married, young and optimistic... and she is attempting to prepare her first Thanksgiving Dinner all by herself.

I have to admit, I'm rather in awe of her bravery. While I am the oldest of all of the cousins, I have never once attempted to cook a Thanksgiving meal by myself. The thought of sticking my hand up a dead, raw turkey's butt for the sole purpose of removing its' "bag o' innards" is rather repulsive to me. My idea of a gourmet meal is EZ Mac N' Cheese with cut-up hotdogs. So Sheena's determination and excitement about her latest endeavor is truly inspirational to me.

It's not that I can't cook, per se... I'm not completely culinarily-challenged. I am perfectly capable of boiling water if given proper instructions. My problem is that I am impatient. The thought of slaving in a kitchen for four or more hours to prepare a meal that takes 15 minutes to eat just doesn't make sense to me. Go to a restaurant. Or better yet, go to Mom's! You get to bring the leftovers home with you if you do that. :-)

So Sheen... Good for you, girlie! You go for it! And if everything works out well and you haven't gone completely insane by the end of it... Maybe I'll come to Ohio for Thanksgiving next year... :-)