Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Five

     Thanksgiving Day 1998, I sat with my family in the CCU waiting room at UCLA Medical Center eating my turkey sandwich and potato chips from Subway.  Three weeks earlier, my grandmother had called to tell us that my grandfather had been admitted to the hospital.  His doctors had just broken the news that he would not be leaving again without a miracle.  We had come to California to say goodbye.

     For as long as I can remember, my grandfather had heart problems.  He had his first heart attack in 1982 followed by numerous surgeries and procedures.  Despite his poor health, my grandfather had always been a rough, tough, stubborn cowboy.  The kind of rough and tough cowboy who rode in a horse show ten days after his quadruple bypass when he made my grandmother wrap his chest in ace bandages and told her not to worry...  As the years passed and my grandfather's heart disease progressed, it became clear the only option was a heart transplant.

     I think the fact that he always seemed to recover before gave us a false sense of security.  Even when he was put on the transplant list, we thought "Okay. We'll get him a transplant and he'll be fine.  No problem."  We had no idea what we were in for.  No one ever expects to be in that situation.  No one ever thinks it can happen to them.  But when he was admitted to the hospital in early November, the reality of what was happening set in and the waiting truly began.  The doctors and nurses did everything they could think of to try to keep his heart beating.  It was a constant battle on their end to keep him alive and to try to find a suitable match.

     As the weeks progressed, the waiting became almost unbearable.  Every time my grandfather heard a helicopter landing he would ask, "Do you think that's my heart?"  My grandmother was afraid to leave him alone.  She would listen to him constantly to make sure he was still breathing.  We prayed for a miracle.  We prayed for a match...  But knowing the cost of what a match would mean for another family made us second-guess ourselves.  Who were we to hope for something like this?  We constantly switched between feelings of hope, despair, frustration, guilt, and every other emotion you can name.

     But on December 9, 1998, we got our miracle.

Day Five - Today, I am thankful for the miracles that have been given to families like mine through the gift of organ donation.

We lost my grandpa early this year to something completely non-heart related, but even in the midst of our grief we can't help but be grateful for the thirteen extra years that we got to spend with him.  He lived a second lifetime in those thirteen extra years, and in that time I got to know my grandpa better than I ever had before.  I think of the past thirteen years, and all of the memories that we never would have had had it not been for the ultimate gift from a stranger:

• Listening to my grandpa tell stories about when he was young...
• Walking around with me in Laguna Beach, pointing to people and joking, "My tan is better than his, right?"  ;-)
• Shooting hoops with my dad before my sister's wedding...
• The times when my dad, mom, sister, brother-in-law, and the kids all loaded into our cars and made the two-hour drive to spend the weekends on the lake, hang out in the barn with my grandpa, fish off the dock, and always, always have something on the grill.
• Listening to Buddy and Ka-Diva as they talk about their Papapa (a name that my Grandpa Jim chose himself because he was their "Papa's Pa" ;-)  I love that they have so many great memories of their great grandpa and that they will be able to tell Pooper and Butterfly all about their awesome Papapa who was a real cowboy.
• Having my grandpa meet Booger Bear and knowing that he got to see me "be a mom."  (He didn't get to meet Monkey while he was still here, but I do believe he paid him a visit a couple of days after he passed away.  That's a story for another day, but I will say that that experience left me with a huge sense of peace, and makes me smile every time I think about Monkey's "conversation" with his Papapa that night.)
• Seeing that he was still the same old, stubborn, tough cowboy, but with a few subtle changes...  He was more patient than he was before, more sensitive, and more open with his thoughts and feelings.  I loved sitting back and watching him and my dad grow closer than they'd ever been before as they'd just sit on my grandpa's porch and talk or work on projects around the property.  I loved watching him and my grandma together...  Just seeing how much they loved each other and knowing how thankful they both were to have those extra years together...

When I think about my Grandpa Jim and the last thirteen years that we were blessed to have him with us, I can't help but think about the person who made it all possible.  What was he like?  Would he have approved?  Does his family know what a huge blessing he brought to our lives?  What can I say to a family who, when devastated by grief, still had the presence of mind...  The goodness of heart...  And the generosity of spirit to give so much to complete strangers?  How can I possibly show my gratitude to a person I will never meet - a family I may never know?  ~  There may be no perfect answer, but I do know this:

I will try to carry on their gift of life.  I'll continue the chain they created when they put others before themselves.  I will spread the word about the importance of organ donation and what an amazing blessing it can be to so many people.  I will discuss my decision to donate with my loved ones, and encourage others to do the same.  I'll share what an incredible difference that one life has made for my entire family.  ...and I'll pray that, because of their influence, this life, my life, can make a difference for someone else.

On this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for miracles and for those who made those miracles possible with their ultimate gift of life.

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Four

They say "It takes a village to raise a child," and looking at my family over the past couple of years, I have to say, that African proverb is dead on!

Day Four - Today I am thankful for my "village."

With my sister's two sets of twins (2nd graders Buddy and Ka-Diva and almost 19-month-olds Pooper and Butterfly), my 20-month-old Monkey, and my "honorary" brood of 19-year-old Heaven, 16-year-old Kama, honorary son-in-law Kelly, 4-year-old Booger Bear, and almost 22-month-old Banana (not to mention any other foster kiddos who come my way), we've definitely got our hands full!  Fortunately, our "village" has come together to do whatever we can to raise these kids without doing too much damage.  ;-)

With so many kiddos so close together in age, but just far enough apart in size that they're all a size apart, our first village "perk" is that of sharing clothes.  I have my "foster care closet" with nicely organized storage bins of children's clothes ranging from 3 months to 3T-4T.  As all of our little ones grow, the closet is the first stop for "shopping."  As they outgrow their clothes, everything (and then some) makes its way back to me for future foster babies!  The "closet" has been a great addition to the "village economy," and I'm certain has saved us all hundreds of dollars in clothing costs. 

Village undertaking number two would have to be that of "coordinating schedules."  On any given week, my sister, our mom, and I pull out our day planners and coordinate our plan of attack.  Because my sister and I both work outside of the home (me full-time, and Christy part-time), we depend heavily on our mom during the work week.  Quite honestly, when I say "it takes a village...," what I mostly mean is "it takes our mom!"  Not only does our mom move from house to house to watch toddlers, she somehow manages to help around our houses too!  I have a Magical Dishwashing Fairy who comes to my house on the mornings that my mom keeps Monkey for me, and my sister has a Magical Laundry Fairy who helps her out.

Village undertaking number three would be our constant "on call" status.  With all of Pooper's appointments, after school stuff, gymnastics, school, etc. and just all of the other things that come with a family of six, their schedule tends to change from week to week, so I try to be as flexible as I can be.  I tend to be the "on call" transportation when one of the big twins gets sick at school or needs a ride home from tutoring.  Fortunately, I work just down the street from the kids' school, so I can make a quick run and be back at work in 20 minutes.  I'm also "on call" for Booger and Banana when Heaven and Kelly need help.

Village undertaking number four is that of "musical households."  Christy's got her hands full, so we do our best to entertain the big twins by having them spend the night with Nana and Papa, spending time at Aunt Tammy's having fun with the Saturday Crew, and having playdates at each other's houses just so there are more grown-ups to watch all of the toddlers around at the same time.  The kids enjoy playing with each other, and the grown ups enjoy being able to tag team for diaper duty.  :-)

Village perk number five is that of utilizing each of our strengths when it comes to entertaining and educating the kids.  Heaven and Kama are the adventuresome ones who are always up for anything.  Exploring in the woods, painting pumpkins, scavenger hunts, decorating cakes...  You name it!  These girls are all in!  Kelly, Chris, and my Dad are the "fun" ones who are always willing to play with the kids, no matter what crazy ideas they come up with.  "Throw us across the pool as many times as you can, Kelly!" or "Let us ride on your back and race around the house, Papa!" or "Let's see what we can make that is really, really gross, Daddy!"  They'll do it!  I am the creative one who always has fun arts and crafts projects planned and was most recently designated "homework project coordinator" when Buddy and Ka-Diva had a huge "make a hat" book report project due.  Christy is the organized one who helps coordinate all of our schedules, makes sure all four of her kids feel loved and special, and according to the Big Twins she gives the best hugs and is the best Mommy on the planet (even if she makes them eat "diet food" occasionally ;-).  And our Mom is the steady, nurturing one who we all depend on to keep us sane.

My "village" is a busy, busy place.  My "village" is chaotic.  My "village" keeps us all on our toes.

My "village" is absolutely perfect! 

And for that, I am eternally grateful...

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Three

Eight years ago, I was eagerly awaiting the January birth of my first niece and nephew.  We were a family without children, and desperately wanted some little ones to love.  Who would have thought that eight years later, my sister would have not one, but two sets of boy/girl twins?!?

Day Three - Today, I am thankful for my amazingly awesome nieces and nephews.

Before I was "Mimi..."  Before I was "Mama..."  I was "Fun Aunt Tammy," and I do my very best to continue to live up to the precedents that I set long ago when it comes to these kids and their expectations of their Aunt Tammy.  How could I not!?!  These kids are simply the best!

My Oldest Nephew, "Buddy" - 7-year-old "older" twin to Ka-Diva, and the absolute sweetest, most loving child you will ever meet in your life...  Fiercely protective of the people he loves, he has this incredible heart, and is always trying to take care of people and make everyone happy and comfortable.  He has been amazing with all of my foster babies, and is always one of their favorite people because of it.  He can be a total goofball, but he is also quite a gentleman and is very popular with the ladies because of it.  ;-)  He is an "old soul" and wise beyond his years.  He has "deep thoughts," and often says things that make you stop in your tracks and think.  He's ridiculously bright and totally gives me a run for my money when playing games. There's no "taking it easy on him because he's a kid."  He's way too smart for that!  I am so unbelievably in awe of him.  He inspires me every single day, and I can't say enough how very, very proud I am of him!  :-)

My Oldest Niece, "Ka-Diva" - "Younger" twin to Buddy, and my absolute "Mini Me" in every way...  I will never have to wonder what my own biological daughter might be like because Ka-Diva is all Aunt Tammy.  She's inherited the women in our family's looks (we all look exactly alike), and has my personality in spades.  Her "strong leadership skills" and "executive tendencies" are all me!  (Sorry, Christy! ;-)  She's a 37-year-old in a 7-year-old body!  Ka-Diva has my sense of humor...  Very dry and sarcastic with a quick wit.  Like the time the doctor asked her rate her pain "0 = no pain and 10 = the worst ever", and she quickly replied "If I had no pain, why would I be at the doctor?!?"  She can be totally serious and then bust out with the goofiest faces you've ever seen in a split second.  She's very into safety and an excellent "babysitter" for all of the kiddos in her life.  She's always practical, anticipating their needs, and watching out for potential dangers.  I love every single second that I get to spend with my "Mini Me," and I am so blessed that I get to be such a huge part of her life.  She makes me smile that "knowing" smile because with her, I know what's coming next.  ;-)  I love this girl like no other! 

My Youngest Nephew, "Pooper" - 18-month-old "older" twin to Butterfly, and one very special little boy...  He's a super-cute, generally laid back little guy (well, big guy considering he outweighs every toddler in the family by a good 4-5 pounds and is at least 3 inches taller than the next tallest kiddo) with a super-deep slow chuckle or an ear-piercing, high-pitched squeal that would call dogs depending on his mood.  He's a very quiet one who lives in his own little Pooper World a lot of the time, but those moments when you can connect with him...  when you get him smiling or catch him enjoying something he's never done before...  Those moments make your heart melt and touch you in ways that you don't have with the other kiddos.  I love being a part of this little man's life, and I love that I am blessed to be here to love him and to watch as he blossoms and discovers himself and the world around him.

My Youngest Niece, "Butterfly" - "Younger" twin to Pooper, and the "baby" of the family (although if you ask her, she'll let you know in no uncertain terms that she is one of the big kids).  This child loves her Aunt Tammy like crazy, and never fails to boost my ego to new heights every time I walk through the door.  "Oh!!!  YAY!!!  YAY!!!  YAY!!!  HI!!!  HI!!!  YAY!!! YAY!!!"  (with jumping up and down and much applause)  Who wouldn't eat that up?!?  :-)  Out of all of the kids, I'm fairly certain that Butterfly will be the one who gives my sister and brother-in-law the biggest run for their money as she grows up.  She is quite the precocious little thing, unbelievably headstrong, and completely fearless.  She's the one we fully expect to find on top of the refrigerator any day now.  I love this little girl like crazy, and I can't imagine a world without Aunt Tammy's little "Butterfly."


These four kiddos have brought so much joy, laughs, and love to our family!  They complete us!  ...and I am very, very thankful that God entrusted these little souls to our family to love.

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Two



2-months-old

Day Two - Today, I am thankful for every second of the past 18 months that I have been blessed to be this little guy's Mama.  When you become a foster parent, you expect loss and a broken heart many times over.  You certainly don't expect to remain your child's Mama eight months after they have returned home.  You don't expect to be typing a blog post late at night and hear your little guy snoring over the baby monitor eight months after he was supposed to be only a memory.

 

3-months-old

When that sleepy little 2-month-old came through my door 18 months ago, I never could have imagined what the next year and a half would bring us.  At three months old, Monkey was giving me a run for my money with reflux to the point of aspirating and choking and almost total hearing loss for nearly two full months.




4-months-old

Eventually we found the right combination of medications, things began to straighten themselves out, and my Chunky Monkey's true personality shined through.  Always smiling, my happy little guy never failed to make my heart melt.

5-months-old

By 5-months-old, we were quite the little family...  Monkey, Kitty Cat Tommie, and me...  We had hit our stride, got into a groove, and were moving right along as a happy threesome.  :-)

6-months-old

At 6-months-old, my Monkey man was becoming quite the "big boy."  Popping out several teeth and doing his very best to sit up straight and tall.

7-months-old

In October, Monkey finally got the hang of getting up on all fours.  He was quite proud of himself, but got frustrated when he couldn't figure out how to move forwards. 




8-months-old

F'real...  I've got a cute kid!  How on earth am I supposed to choose only one picture a month!?!  I really hope I'm not one of those annoying moms who thinks my kid's adorable when in all actuality, they are really unfortunate looking.  I'm fairly certain I'm not.  I mean, really!  Look at this smiling happy baby!  :-)

9-months-old

I was blessed to have Monkey with me for his very first Christmas.  He was all about the bows.  Apparently, no present stood a chance against the power of the shiny bows.

10-months-old

At 10-months-old, Monkey was finally pulling himself up and crawling around like madman.  His greatest obsession was Kitty Cat Tommie.



11-months-old

By February, I was so completely in love with this kid.  I knew that court was coming up in a month, and I was preparing my heart for the loss.  I started taking him to his visits with his dad myself so I could do my best to make sure his father learned every possible thing about our baby boy.

1-year-old

In March, we celebrated Monkey's first birthday.  I soaked up every second of his sweet little face.  I gobbled up his double chin.  I loved on my baby as if every day would be the last.  I also made a decision that would change the course of my life...  I (and my mom) offered to continue to keep Monkey four nights/three mornings a week for his daddy so he could continue to work his night schedule and not have to put Monkey in overnight childcare with strangers.

Last morning w/Mama

I spent my last morning with Monkey, laughing, cuddling, and taking lots of pictures with my baby boy.  When his daddy came to get him after court, all of our lives changed, but I think they changed for the better.  That week began what has been eight extra months where my baby boy has two parents and a Nana who love him like crazy.




13-months-old

The move back and forth between daddy's house and mine never once phased Monkey.  He is always thrilled silly when his daddy comes to pick him up and is just as happy to launch himself into my arms when he comes back.  Proof that an infant/toddler can form a bond to a bio parent during one hour a week if that parent is dedicated, loving, and consistant.

Mother's Day

"That's not Monkey," you might say!  And you're right...  Those are my Mother's Day flowers that Monkey's daddy brought me.  "Thank you for being a mother to Monkey," he said.  Thank you for letting me be his mom!  I'm the lucky one!



15-months-old

Monkey's personality shining through...  At 15-months-old, my boy could crack me up!  He could crawl 50 miles an hour, but still flat out refused to walk.

16-months-old

One week before he turned 16 months, we had a playdate with Banana who has been running since she was 10 months old.  He took one look at her and must have thought, "Well crapfire!  I can't let that girl out-do me!"  He stood up and ran across the room like he'd been doing it for months, and has been running ever since.

17-months-old

Pictures of my little gooberhead begin to get more and more scarce as this kid is always on the go!  Every so often I luck out and get his attention long enough to capture the cuteness on film.  :-)




18-months-old

Me and my Monkey Man...  At 18 months, he began to hit the Terrible Twos.  Monkey's "Terrible" Twos are more the "I'm Just Going to Be Contrary, Mama" Twos.  For the most part, he doesn't pitch the usual fits that a normal toddler pitches.  He just matter of factly tells me "no" in a calm, cool, and collected tone.  :-)



19-months-old

At 19-months-old, my baby isn't a baby anymore.  He talks to me in "toddler" conversations.  He sings songs, dances, uses his manners by saying "thank you," and cracks me up by making funny noises that he knows make his Mama laugh.

Today - 20-months-old

I have been blessed beyond measure with the relationship that I have with Monkey and his daddy. Monkey has a Mama who would walk through fire for him and a Daddy who loves him so much that he did the same to ensure his little boy would continue to have the only Mama he's ever known. The past 18 months of being Monkey's Mama have taught me more about self sacrifice and the unconditional love of a parent than I ever could have imagined.  This little guy is my heart in human form, and I am unbelievably thankful that I've been given the opportunity to continue to be his Mama.

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day One

It's November again, and the Holiday Season is upon us.  For me, November is a month of Thanksgiving.  A month to actively reflect on my life and share the things that I am most thankful for...  I have been very blessed, and I love to express just how much certain people, things, experiences, etc. mean to me during this time of year because I know I don't generally say it enough.

I checked out last year's "Day One," where I expressed my thanks for "the little things," only to look down and realize that I was once again drinking out of my Route 44 morning Diet Coke with lime and extra ice, and I realized that I am just as thankful for the small things as I was last year.


Day One:

Today, I am thankful for a a boss who understands my need to take a last minute day off in order to meet my OCD need to CPS-proof my house before my homestudy.  MUST HIDE THE TUMS!!!  (Sidenote - They never even left the living room!  Easiest "homestudy" ever!  Nice Lady came with them, and since she was just here three weeks ago, she vouched for me. ;-)

I found myself enjoying comfortable shoes as I made the hike from work to my car, stuffed crust Pepperoni Lovers pizza for dinner (something my oldest daughter gags at the thought of, but my youngest daughter can appreciate as much as I do), a huge jug of ice water (which made me realize that I could never last on Survivor because I want ice in everything), a hot, relaxing bubble bath (complete with Mr. Bubble bubbles :-), and an episode of Criminal Minds (because Shemar Moore is yummy!).

I am thankful for comfy pillows that turned me "laying down to rest my eyes for a few minutes" at 8:00pm into "totally crashing and awakening in a puddle of my own drool 240 minutes later."

I am happy to have internet foster mama friends, a sister, a BFF, and a daughter who are total insomniacs (or just busy moms with no time for that sleep business) who I can always count on to chat with me in the middle of the night when we're all on FB.  (This will likely come in even more handy in the near future when I am up 2-3 times a night doing bottles.)

I am thankful that my "extra" check hit this month and I was able to buy a new camera!  We all know how I loooooove showing off my kiddos (even if it is just their feet or a tooth or two while they're in care), and my new camera has already turned me into a full-fledged paparazzo (as if I wasn't already).

I smile every time I step on a Lego (after muttering "almost" curse words and crying), find a puzzle piece in my shoe, get my nose picked by toddler fingers, have half of my lunch begged for and eaten by a certain hungry baby bird every day, and hear Monkey calling "Mamaaaaaa...  It good morniiiinnnngggg!!!" over the baby monitor.

I have so many big things to be thankful for, but never forget the little things!  It's those "little" things that build your life.  Mine is pretty awesome, and for that I am eternally thankful!  :-)

Thankful - Day Nine

When I first started fostering, I knew absolutely nothing and absolutely no one in the crazy world of Foster/Adopt Land.  I am a planner.  I like to prepare.  So one of the very first things I did was start this blog, and began to desperately search high and low for other foster family bloggers in order to get some realistic idea of what I was willingly getting myself into. 

Day Nine:

Today, I am extremely thankful for you!  My online foster family friends...

Over the past three years, I have "met" an amazing group of women who have proven to be a constant support system, a sounding board on those days when I just need to vent, and a daily inspiration to me throughout this journey. 

There's just something about being able to talk to a group of people who completely understand what you're going through because they have been there themselves.  I can say just about anything, and you all just "get it."  You understand all about the conflicting emotions involved when you are fostering, but want to ultimately adopt.  You "get it" when I say that I want Monkey to have more visits with his parents in one breath, and "I'm his Mama" in the next.  You know exactly what it feels like to love these kids so much that you will let them go. 

You know when I need a virtual hug, a good laugh, or a "OMG!  I can totally top that one!" story.  It's always nice to know you're not alone, and being able to follow along in your journeys...  To hear your thoughts and feelings about your own experiences...  To share all of the ups and the downs that foster care inevitably brings with each of you has helped me in more ways than I can say.

I have learned so much from all of you, and I can't thank you ladies enough for all of your support, the camaraderie, the laughs, and your friendships.  I am so grateful for the online friendships that I have made over the past three years!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you!!!  I wouldn't have maintained what little shred of sanity that remains without you!  :-)

Thankful - Day Eight

Being a single, full-time working parent is hard.  Being a single, full-time working foster parent adds an entirely new level of stress and responsibility that can sometimes be rather overwhelming.

Day Eight: 

Today, I am thankful that I work with a group of amazingly-supportive and understanding people.  When I first started navigating my way through Foster/Adopt Land, I had no idea how crazy it could be.  My first three placements were insane, and I felt like I was a huge burden to my co-workers as I seemed to miss more days of work than I was there.  They have been behind me 100% though, and have willingly picked up the slack when my home life inevitably interferes with my job.

Fortunately, I have learned ways to better control CPS' invasion of my daily life, and have managed to keep its interference with my job down to a minimum (well, as "minimum" as it can be anyway).  It seems to have become second nature to everyone at the office as well.  When I received the call that Monkey was on his way late one Sunday night, I called and left a message for my boss telling him that I got a new little one and that I wouldn't be in the next day.  When I called on Monday morning to check in, he had already gotten the ball rolling on my FMLA paperwork for me.  He and my "partner in crime" both told me to "do what I need to do" and that they'd "handle everything there."  My boss ended that conversation with "so I guess we'll see you part-time for the next couple of weeks while you do all of his initial appointments, and we'll get you back full-time after that!"  It cracked me up that he seems to be an "old pro" at this foster care thing now too.  :-)

On top of picking up the slack during the times that I have no choice but to be out of the office, my co-workers have always genuinely cared about my babies.  They spoil them rotten when I bring them up to the office on the third Wednesday of the month (the one day a month that I take off for home visits).  They are always on the lookout for coupons and good deals for baby things.  They bring clothes and toys that their grandbabies have outgrown for my "on-hand stash."  They bring totes and other bags that they come across because they know it kills me to send my babies home with their things in trashbags. 

They offer advice when I ask for it...  Listen to me vent when I need to...  They humor me and ooh and ahh over what must have been hundreds of baby pictures over the past three years...  And they have given me shoulders to cry on (and have cried with me) when I have had to say "goodbye" to my babies.  Foster care touches so many people...  Not only does it have an effect on the people directly involved, but it can impact the lives of everyone in ways that many people don't even realize.  Watching my co-workers rally around me and my kids has proven to be a huge eye-opener for me, and has made me appreciate even more what amazing people they truly are (I thought they were pretty great before I started fostering).  They are certainly under no obligation to be there for me and my babies, but they are...  and for that, I am truly thankful.

I really do work with some awesome people.  If I had the money, I would give them extra just for being fantastic people.  Or a really fancy solid gold trophy!!!  Fortunately, they seem to appreciate the occasional gift of morning donuts and chocolate every once in a while.  They're a pretty easy to please bunch. ;-)  But they are definitely a group of people that I am thankful to call my friends.

Thankful - Day Seven

(From Booger Bear's lifebook...)

Dear Booger Bear,

When I decided to try foster care, I never could have imagined how one little person could change my life so completely.  You stole my heart from the moment I opened my door and you flashed that two-toothed little smile at me.  I quickly learned that the best sounds in the world are your baby's laughter and the little "I Yuh You's."  I learned that baby hugs and kisses and "cuddle time" with your little boy can make a bad day turn around in an instant.  In the year that you were with me, I learned what it means to love unconditionally.  I learned what it means to be a mom.  


Day Seven:

I am unbelievably thankful for the little boy who came into my life and changed everything.  The year that he was "mine" was one of the best years of my life, and losing him was by far the most painful thing that I have ever gone through.

But...  "Everything happens for a reason."

Little did I know at the time, Booger Bear was brought into my life for so much more than I had originally thought.

Because of this little boy, I not only became a mother to a son, but I gained a "daughter."  I gained a "granddaughter."  I gained a very unique family tree in the sense that my son is my grandson and his Mommy is his sister.  (Let me tell you, that makes for some interesting conversations! ;-)

I gained a first-hand view of how foster care can work.  I think that was something that I desperately needed.  I honestly don't know if I could continue fostering if I had no hope at all that it could work.  But I see every day that Booger is loved and care for, and that gives me hope for all of the little ones who come into and out of my life.

I am so very thankful for every moment that I have with this little guy.  I am so grateful to his parents for including me in their lives and for truly making me feel like a special part of their family.  I realize how rare it is to be able to have such a close relationship with these children after they return home, and I know how blessed I am that I have that with Booger Bear.  He always has been...  and always will be...  my "very special boy."

Thankful - Day Six

I have an awesome family.  We're close.  We love being together.  We depend on each other for support, and we are there for each other.

Day Six:

Today, I am thankful for my sister.

Your siblings are the people you will know the longest in your life.  If you're lucky, you'll get one like mine.  :-)

Christy is the best friend I could ever ask for, and I have no idea how I would live without her!  We had a discussion once about that very subject and mentioned that we wished we "had a backup, just in case."  ;-)  The few years that we lived in different states were filled with multiple hour-long phones calls every day and constant emailing, and I think the distance and all of the talking helped bring us closer than we'd ever been up to that point.

We know and we keep each other's secrets. 

We know each other better than almost anyone.

We have the same mannerisms and tastes, and have been known to purchase the exact same items at the store during completely separate shopping trips, only to discover what we had done when we show up wearing the exact same outfit.  :-)

We continue to attempt sister roadtrips, even though we always have interesting "adventures" (or misadventures, as the case may be ;-).  We're just certain that if we try it enough times, we'll manage to get one drama-free trip before we're done!  :-)

We share our kids with each other, and love that we can brag about them to each other all we want because we know the other sister is just as invested in our kids as we are in theirs. 

Christy is an amazing mom, and I learn so much by watching her relationship with her kids every day.

We have been with and supported each other through the best and the worst times of our lives.  We listen to each other vent when we're angry, cry when we're sad, share our happiest moments, and laugh when we have our Bipolar Girl episodes (those tend to run in our family...  I'm more the "bipolar" one.  Christy is the "anxiety attack over something as simple as the balloons at her 3-year-olds' birthday party" one.  It's all good.  We know this about ourselves, so we can laugh it off later. ;-)

Christy is my best friend...  my constant support...  and quite honestly, one of my favorite people on the planet.  I love her like crazy, and I wouldn't change a thing about her.  She is strong, loving, determined, kind, outgoing, intelligent, funny, and the best sister anyone could ever ask for.  God really knew what He was doing when He put the two of us together for life, and I thank Him every day for giving me "my best friend...  my sister...  my other half!"  :-)

Thankful - Day Five

October is a big month for me when it comes to "special anniversaries."  It marks the anniversary of the month that I entered Foster/Adopt Land.  It is the month that my Little Miss came to my home.  But most importantly, it is the month that brought the young woman who I call my "daughter" into my life.  One year ago today (And by "today," I mean October 21st because I am a blogging slacker and didn't finish this post until today ;-), I opened my front door, and my life changed for the better.  :-)

Day Five:

Today, I thank Heaven for Heaven!  :-)

The day that Booger Bear left my arms, he went into hers, and I am forever thankful that she has loved that little boy every bit as much as I do. She calls him "ours," and the fact that she understands and acknowledges how I feel about him speaks volumes as to her maturity and the love that she has for him. I think that we initially bonded because we were both "mommies" to the same little boy who neither one of us gave birth to, but both love as if we had.   And the more I got to know her, the more I began to feel the same way about Heaven, so I've officially claimed her as "mine." (whether she likes it or not :-)

Little did I know that the day she walked through my door to drop off a bunch of clothes for Little Miss, I was not only meeting the young woman who had voluntarily put her own life on hold in order to be a mom to my Booger Bear...  I was meeting an amazingly kind, loving, strong, nurturing, thoughtful, funny, simply unbelievably awesome person who I couldn't imagine my life without!

She makes me smile.

She makes me feel needed and appreciated.

We have inside jokes and two great minds that think alike in so many ways.  ;-)

I'm probably overly-protective of her, but I think that's okay.  I think she secretly likes the fact that I go all "Mama Bear" every now and again on her behalf, and that I get all crazy and do the whole "I haven't heard from you in forever" thing when it's only been like 13 hours.  ;-)

In the past year, Heaven has given me so much more than I could ever give her.  She even gave me my first honorary granddaughter!  Banana is the smartest, cutest, most determined little thing, and I love being "Mimi" in the "I get to love her and spoil her absolutely rotten to the core and then send her home with Mama" kind of way.  ;-)  She's given me a continued close relationship with Booger.  She's given her heart to me, my nieces and nephews, and my entire family really...  And she's shared her family with mine.

So today, I am unbelievably thankful for my "daughter."  She may not realize how special she is, but I sure do.  And I plan to let her know it every day for the rest of her life.  :-)

Thankful - Day Four

Day Four:

This morning, I am thankful that I have a stinkin' cute kid.

Because this time change thing is going to DO. ME. IN!!!

4:30am DOES NOT a decent waking hour make...

Unfortunately, Monkey doesn't seem to have received that memo.

So...

I am INFINITELY thankful that

(if I have to wake up at 4:30am),

I am waking up to THIS...

A super-happy morning baby!

Rather than this...

Super-sad face...  :-(

(Although, I have to admit...  That's pretty cute too.  ;-)

Thankful - Day Three

I've always said that the most frustrating thing about life in Foster/Adopt Land isn't the behaviors of the children like they lead you to believe in your initial training classes.  ...The most insanely, mind-numbingly, want to pull your own hair out, makes you want to scream at someone, frustrating thing about foster care is having to deal with the grown-ups involved!

Day Three:

Today, I am thankful for my agency's Family Specialist (aka. "Nice Lady"). 

I know I've mentioned a few times how much I really like this woman.  In over three years of fostering, I can honestly say that Nice Lady has to be the one person on the "business end" of foster care who has genuinely cared enough to help me...  the foster parent as well as my kids.

I met Nice Lady the day that Monkey arrived, and over the past six months she has been a constant support in an otherwise kind of all over the place case. 

She usually responds to email or voicemail requests within an hour or two (completely unheard of in Foster/Adopt Land).  The one time she didn't respond right away, I found out was because she was in surgery.  And I learned that because she emailed me that night from home! 

She does her very best to track down the Invisible CPS Caseworker when I've pretty much given up hope of ever finding her. 

She has contacted doctors and Medicaid for me when I've been too busy at work in order to dispute medical bills.

She listens to my occassional rants about how frustrated I am with Monkey's caseworker, and doesn't judge me.  She addresses all of my concerns to the best of her ability, and has helped talk me down from the "IF I EVER GET AHOLD OF THAT WOMAN..." ledge.

She's acknowledges receipt of paperwork; keeps track of things that I might be missing, but doesn't hound me for it; looks forward to my weekly status reports and photos of Monkey; comments on his milestones and any concerns that I might have about his case; and always, always tells me how cute my baby is.  It doesn't hurt that she tells me over and over how I am one of the best foster parents she's ever worked with either.  ;-)

I am unbelievably thankful for the woman who I believe is absolutely the World's Best Social Worker.  If she ever leaves my agency, I do believe I might just follow her.  :-)  And if you don't have a "Nice Lady" at your agency, I'm thinking you should just come to mine!  I'm willing to share a good thing with my fellow foster parents.  Goodness knows, we can use all of the "good things" that we can get!  :-)