Reaching New Heights

It has happened... I have reached new heights... I have broken boundaries and have achieved levels I never thought I would reach in my lifetime. No, I haven't met some as yet unattainable goal. I just got fat.

Yes indeed, the Fat Lady Gym is calling my name! (Unfortunately, so are the oh-so-yummy donuts that I'm eating as I write this Fat Lady blog. :-)

So Christy... Katie... Sasha... As of Wednesday, January 2nd, we are hitting the gym full-force. There are FOUR OF US!!! Our logic of at least ONE of us being motivated enough to FORCE the other three of us to get to the gym hasn't exactly worked out. Maybe our Girl Trip that is quickly approaching will. Remember... We HAVE to wear swimsuits in public whether we've lost the weight or not. I, for one, don't want to frighten small children, so Fat Lady Gym it is!

Recipes for the Cooking-Impaired

It's November now, and the holiday season will be here before we know it. It's a time of family gatherings, evenings out with friends, and endless potluck dinners. Yes, potlucks… For many of us, that one word can induce panic attacks complete with heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and cold sweats. We're the people whose first response to the potluck invitation is usually something along the lines of, "I'll bring the plates!"

It's not necessarily that we're cooking-impaired… Surely most of us could master boiling water provided we have careful instructions. I like to think that I am merely cooking-impatient. My personal philosophy is that anything that calls for more than five ingredients or that takes more than five minutes to prepare is just not worth the hassle (aka. the 5/5 Rule). Give me cold Pop Tarts or EZ Mac-N-Cheese any day.

Whatever the case, some of us just need a little help finding the perfect potluck dish. Luckily, I've collected a few recipes over the years that adhere to the 5/5 Rule, and you'd never be able to tell. People will rave about your tasty dishes. They'll beg you to tell them your secrets. I say, let them marvel at your newfound talents in the kitchen. They need never know you followed the 5/5 Rule.

Creamy Fruit Dip

1 bar cream cheese
1 jar marshmallow cream

Beat cream cheese. Add marshmallow cream; beat until smooth. Chill before serving.


(If you'd like to get really adventuresome, add a few tablespoons of crushed pineapple or orange juice to the mixture.)

--- NOTE: It might be a good idea to make sure someone is bringing a fruit tray before making Creamy Fruit Dip.



Dump Cake

(You can call this Cherry-Pineapple Upside-Down Cake for added flare)

1 box yellow cake mix
1 stick margarine
1 large can crushed pineapple (not drained)
1 can cherry pie filling

Mix pie filling and pineapple in a 9x11 glass dish. Cover with cake mix. Dot with margarine. Bake for 55 minutes in a 350 degree oven.

I Have a Dream...

As young girls, we dream of white knights on horseback, charging to our rescue with swords drawn. Nearing "spinsterhood" at the ripe old age of 32, many might suspect that I have given up on that girlhood dream of finding my Prince Charming. I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.

I still have the dream… but having grown wiser and more practical in my old age, my dream of a white knight on horseback has morphed into something more along the lines of "Sweaty Lawnmower Man" riding in to save me in his double extended cab, giant-ass pickup truck (preferably with an attached trailer filled with various pieces of lawn maintenance equipment).

Lawnmower Man, with his trusty weed eater at his side, will single-handedly make his way through the scary-bad forest that was once my front yard. He will squash the enemy scorpions, spiders, and other vile creatures lingering in the dark all the while taking great care not to harm any of the gentle woodland creatures who have made the forest their home. Lawnmower Man will gingerly climb atop his riding lawnmower and proceed to destroy every waist-high weed that dares encroach on Castille d'Tammy. "You think my tractor's sexy?" he asks… "Oh, yeaahhh!!! (especially when it's mowing my lawn!)"

Yes… I still have the dream… and I believe that one day, my Sweaty Lawnmower Man will come… and we will live happily ever after.

~ The End ~

Hmmm...  Perhaps I should be a little more specific.  ;-)

Tattoo 2 (Man, These Things are Addicting!)

So, Mom and I went and got our tattoos last night! Mom's first one and my second... And who almost passed out??? MY SISTER!!!

Yep... One mention of the word, "needle" from Mom's tattoo artist, and we almost lost Christy. And that was BEFORE we even sat in the chairs!!! We were having to tell HER to take, "deep, cleansing breaths..." She had ALMOST recovered, and then I guess they got started on Mom's tattoo.

Apparently Mom did the whole, "clutch the chair arms and grimace in pain" thing that she did when she had her stitches taken out in the doctor's office after her foot surgery. I wouldn't know... I was facing the other direction getting my totally pain-free tattoo (more on that in a sec). But Christy nearly lost it again.

In her defense, I have to say that if Mom did THAT, I can't blame her. I was there when she had those stitches taken out, and that was the closest I had ever come to passing out without actually passing out. I remember thinking, "Man! It's hot in here!" Fanning myself and desperately wondering where the bathroom was so I could go splash cold water on my face. So if Christy had to watch THAT grimace, I know where she's coming from.

She should have just watched ME the whole time because my guy was AWESOME! I seriously barely felt it at all! I even told him as much, "You're GREAT! I can barely feel a thing!" He said, "Why thank you!" ...And Christy lost it again... THIS TIME in hysterical laughter. "Just what every guy wants to hear!" she laughed.

So that was our Friday night, Mommy-Daughter Outing. Ahhh... the things we do to bond with our moms... How times have changed...

(I put up a pic so you can see it. I changed it up a bit from my original plan.  Buddy and Ka-Diva are both really excited about Aunt Tammy's special tattoo just for them. They both even know what part is theirs. They haven't had a chance to see it yet though. They were asleep by the time we got home.)

New Tattoo

So, I'm getting another one, and I'm not going to wait to lose more weight. Too impatient... I've always wanted a treble clef with a flower intertwined, but I decided to change it up just a little and incorporate a couple of things for the twins with the treble clef. I had a great conversation with the twins at lunch today telling them all about it, and getting their input. (They are very opinionated these days.)

Aunt Tammy - "Guess what?!? Aunt Tammy's gonna get another tattoo, and this one is going to be special just for Buddy and Ka-Diva!"

Twins - (smiles) "Yeah!"

Aunt Tammy - "I'm going to get a yellow flower just for Buddy." (because he LOVES picking yellow flowers)

Buddy - (HUGE smile) "Oh! Yeah!!!"

Aunt Tammy - "And I'm getting a pink and purple butterfly just for Ka-Diva."

Yeah...  Not QUITE what I had in mind...

 

Ka-Diva - (considering that, replies) "No. BIG BUG!" (she's all about the big bugs right now)

Aunt Tammy - (laughing) "Well, I don't know about a big bug. How about a DRAGONFLY?" (making that sound really cool)

Ka-Diva - "Ohhhh... Yeah... OKAY!!! DRAGONFLY!!! YEAH!!!" (I must have succeeded in making a dragonfly sound exceptionally cool )

Ka-Diva then proceeded to tell Christy that "Mommy needs to get a tattoo too!" Christy (the big chicken) refused. "Mommy's not getting a tatoo. That's Aunt Tammy's thing." So, Cool Aunt Tammy strikes again!