Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Three

Eight years ago, I was eagerly awaiting the January birth of my first niece and nephew.  We were a family without children, and desperately wanted some little ones to love.  Who would have thought that eight years later, my sister would have not one, but two sets of boy/girl twins?!?

Day Three - Today, I am thankful for my amazingly awesome nieces and nephews.

Before I was "Mimi..."  Before I was "Mama..."  I was "Fun Aunt Tammy," and I do my very best to continue to live up to the precedents that I set long ago when it comes to these kids and their expectations of their Aunt Tammy.  How could I not!?!  These kids are simply the best!

My Oldest Nephew, "Buddy" - 7-year-old "older" twin to Ka-Diva, and the absolute sweetest, most loving child you will ever meet in your life...  Fiercely protective of the people he loves, he has this incredible heart, and is always trying to take care of people and make everyone happy and comfortable.  He has been amazing with all of my foster babies, and is always one of their favorite people because of it.  He can be a total goofball, but he is also quite a gentleman and is very popular with the ladies because of it.  ;-)  He is an "old soul" and wise beyond his years.  He has "deep thoughts," and often says things that make you stop in your tracks and think.  He's ridiculously bright and totally gives me a run for my money when playing games. There's no "taking it easy on him because he's a kid."  He's way too smart for that!  I am so unbelievably in awe of him.  He inspires me every single day, and I can't say enough how very, very proud I am of him!  :-)

My Oldest Niece, "Ka-Diva" - "Younger" twin to Buddy, and my absolute "Mini Me" in every way...  I will never have to wonder what my own biological daughter might be like because Ka-Diva is all Aunt Tammy.  She's inherited the women in our family's looks (we all look exactly alike), and has my personality in spades.  Her "strong leadership skills" and "executive tendencies" are all me!  (Sorry, Christy! ;-)  She's a 37-year-old in a 7-year-old body!  Ka-Diva has my sense of humor...  Very dry and sarcastic with a quick wit.  Like the time the doctor asked her rate her pain "0 = no pain and 10 = the worst ever", and she quickly replied "If I had no pain, why would I be at the doctor?!?"  She can be totally serious and then bust out with the goofiest faces you've ever seen in a split second.  She's very into safety and an excellent "babysitter" for all of the kiddos in her life.  She's always practical, anticipating their needs, and watching out for potential dangers.  I love every single second that I get to spend with my "Mini Me," and I am so blessed that I get to be such a huge part of her life.  She makes me smile that "knowing" smile because with her, I know what's coming next.  ;-)  I love this girl like no other! 

My Youngest Nephew, "Pooper" - 18-month-old "older" twin to Butterfly, and one very special little boy...  He's a super-cute, generally laid back little guy (well, big guy considering he outweighs every toddler in the family by a good 4-5 pounds and is at least 3 inches taller than the next tallest kiddo) with a super-deep slow chuckle or an ear-piercing, high-pitched squeal that would call dogs depending on his mood.  He's a very quiet one who lives in his own little Pooper World a lot of the time, but those moments when you can connect with him...  when you get him smiling or catch him enjoying something he's never done before...  Those moments make your heart melt and touch you in ways that you don't have with the other kiddos.  I love being a part of this little man's life, and I love that I am blessed to be here to love him and to watch as he blossoms and discovers himself and the world around him.

My Youngest Niece, "Butterfly" - "Younger" twin to Pooper, and the "baby" of the family (although if you ask her, she'll let you know in no uncertain terms that she is one of the big kids).  This child loves her Aunt Tammy like crazy, and never fails to boost my ego to new heights every time I walk through the door.  "Oh!!!  YAY!!!  YAY!!!  YAY!!!  HI!!!  HI!!!  YAY!!! YAY!!!"  (with jumping up and down and much applause)  Who wouldn't eat that up?!?  :-)  Out of all of the kids, I'm fairly certain that Butterfly will be the one who gives my sister and brother-in-law the biggest run for their money as she grows up.  She is quite the precocious little thing, unbelievably headstrong, and completely fearless.  She's the one we fully expect to find on top of the refrigerator any day now.  I love this little girl like crazy, and I can't imagine a world without Aunt Tammy's little "Butterfly."


These four kiddos have brought so much joy, laughs, and love to our family!  They complete us!  ...and I am very, very thankful that God entrusted these little souls to our family to love.

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day Two



2-months-old

Day Two - Today, I am thankful for every second of the past 18 months that I have been blessed to be this little guy's Mama.  When you become a foster parent, you expect loss and a broken heart many times over.  You certainly don't expect to remain your child's Mama eight months after they have returned home.  You don't expect to be typing a blog post late at night and hear your little guy snoring over the baby monitor eight months after he was supposed to be only a memory.

 

3-months-old

When that sleepy little 2-month-old came through my door 18 months ago, I never could have imagined what the next year and a half would bring us.  At three months old, Monkey was giving me a run for my money with reflux to the point of aspirating and choking and almost total hearing loss for nearly two full months.




4-months-old

Eventually we found the right combination of medications, things began to straighten themselves out, and my Chunky Monkey's true personality shined through.  Always smiling, my happy little guy never failed to make my heart melt.

5-months-old

By 5-months-old, we were quite the little family...  Monkey, Kitty Cat Tommie, and me...  We had hit our stride, got into a groove, and were moving right along as a happy threesome.  :-)

6-months-old

At 6-months-old, my Monkey man was becoming quite the "big boy."  Popping out several teeth and doing his very best to sit up straight and tall.

7-months-old

In October, Monkey finally got the hang of getting up on all fours.  He was quite proud of himself, but got frustrated when he couldn't figure out how to move forwards. 




8-months-old

F'real...  I've got a cute kid!  How on earth am I supposed to choose only one picture a month!?!  I really hope I'm not one of those annoying moms who thinks my kid's adorable when in all actuality, they are really unfortunate looking.  I'm fairly certain I'm not.  I mean, really!  Look at this smiling happy baby!  :-)

9-months-old

I was blessed to have Monkey with me for his very first Christmas.  He was all about the bows.  Apparently, no present stood a chance against the power of the shiny bows.

10-months-old

At 10-months-old, Monkey was finally pulling himself up and crawling around like madman.  His greatest obsession was Kitty Cat Tommie.



11-months-old

By February, I was so completely in love with this kid.  I knew that court was coming up in a month, and I was preparing my heart for the loss.  I started taking him to his visits with his dad myself so I could do my best to make sure his father learned every possible thing about our baby boy.

1-year-old

In March, we celebrated Monkey's first birthday.  I soaked up every second of his sweet little face.  I gobbled up his double chin.  I loved on my baby as if every day would be the last.  I also made a decision that would change the course of my life...  I (and my mom) offered to continue to keep Monkey four nights/three mornings a week for his daddy so he could continue to work his night schedule and not have to put Monkey in overnight childcare with strangers.

Last morning w/Mama

I spent my last morning with Monkey, laughing, cuddling, and taking lots of pictures with my baby boy.  When his daddy came to get him after court, all of our lives changed, but I think they changed for the better.  That week began what has been eight extra months where my baby boy has two parents and a Nana who love him like crazy.




13-months-old

The move back and forth between daddy's house and mine never once phased Monkey.  He is always thrilled silly when his daddy comes to pick him up and is just as happy to launch himself into my arms when he comes back.  Proof that an infant/toddler can form a bond to a bio parent during one hour a week if that parent is dedicated, loving, and consistant.

Mother's Day

"That's not Monkey," you might say!  And you're right...  Those are my Mother's Day flowers that Monkey's daddy brought me.  "Thank you for being a mother to Monkey," he said.  Thank you for letting me be his mom!  I'm the lucky one!



15-months-old

Monkey's personality shining through...  At 15-months-old, my boy could crack me up!  He could crawl 50 miles an hour, but still flat out refused to walk.

16-months-old

One week before he turned 16 months, we had a playdate with Banana who has been running since she was 10 months old.  He took one look at her and must have thought, "Well crapfire!  I can't let that girl out-do me!"  He stood up and ran across the room like he'd been doing it for months, and has been running ever since.

17-months-old

Pictures of my little gooberhead begin to get more and more scarce as this kid is always on the go!  Every so often I luck out and get his attention long enough to capture the cuteness on film.  :-)




18-months-old

Me and my Monkey Man...  At 18 months, he began to hit the Terrible Twos.  Monkey's "Terrible" Twos are more the "I'm Just Going to Be Contrary, Mama" Twos.  For the most part, he doesn't pitch the usual fits that a normal toddler pitches.  He just matter of factly tells me "no" in a calm, cool, and collected tone.  :-)



19-months-old

At 19-months-old, my baby isn't a baby anymore.  He talks to me in "toddler" conversations.  He sings songs, dances, uses his manners by saying "thank you," and cracks me up by making funny noises that he knows make his Mama laugh.

Today - 20-months-old

I have been blessed beyond measure with the relationship that I have with Monkey and his daddy. Monkey has a Mama who would walk through fire for him and a Daddy who loves him so much that he did the same to ensure his little boy would continue to have the only Mama he's ever known. The past 18 months of being Monkey's Mama have taught me more about self sacrifice and the unconditional love of a parent than I ever could have imagined.  This little guy is my heart in human form, and I am unbelievably thankful that I've been given the opportunity to continue to be his Mama.

Maintenance and Request!

Couple of blog maintainence things and a REQUEST!

1) I will be taking down a large portion of the blog over the weekend in order to make it a little more anonymous, add graphics and pics, update dead links, etc.   Never fear!   It will all come back soon... bigger and better!   I just wanted to give you a head's up first.

2) Next week's "Foster Friday" Q&A will be answering the question "Where can I find local organizations that support foster children throughout the year and/or specifically during the holiday season?"   I have several that I use, but I'd like to put together a listing BY STATE.

My HUGE request is for help FROM ALL OF YOU in providing links to organizations that you use in your area (or just help with the research if you have time).  I know...  I know...  I probably should have started this project a bit sooner.  Nothing like a trainstop in Procrastination Station to make things harder on myself!  :-)

Please email me directly at I_MustBeTrippin@hotmail.com with links to your favorite organizations or if you can offer any other kind of assistance!!!

Month of Thanksgiving 2012 - Day One

It's November again, and the Holiday Season is upon us.  For me, November is a month of Thanksgiving.  A month to actively reflect on my life and share the things that I am most thankful for...  I have been very blessed, and I love to express just how much certain people, things, experiences, etc. mean to me during this time of year because I know I don't generally say it enough.

I checked out last year's "Day One," where I expressed my thanks for "the little things," only to look down and realize that I was once again drinking out of my Route 44 morning Diet Coke with lime and extra ice, and I realized that I am just as thankful for the small things as I was last year.


Day One:

Today, I am thankful for a a boss who understands my need to take a last minute day off in order to meet my OCD need to CPS-proof my house before my homestudy.  MUST HIDE THE TUMS!!!  (Sidenote - They never even left the living room!  Easiest "homestudy" ever!  Nice Lady came with them, and since she was just here three weeks ago, she vouched for me. ;-)

I found myself enjoying comfortable shoes as I made the hike from work to my car, stuffed crust Pepperoni Lovers pizza for dinner (something my oldest daughter gags at the thought of, but my youngest daughter can appreciate as much as I do), a huge jug of ice water (which made me realize that I could never last on Survivor because I want ice in everything), a hot, relaxing bubble bath (complete with Mr. Bubble bubbles :-), and an episode of Criminal Minds (because Shemar Moore is yummy!).

I am thankful for comfy pillows that turned me "laying down to rest my eyes for a few minutes" at 8:00pm into "totally crashing and awakening in a puddle of my own drool 240 minutes later."

I am happy to have internet foster mama friends, a sister, a BFF, and a daughter who are total insomniacs (or just busy moms with no time for that sleep business) who I can always count on to chat with me in the middle of the night when we're all on FB.  (This will likely come in even more handy in the near future when I am up 2-3 times a night doing bottles.)

I am thankful that my "extra" check hit this month and I was able to buy a new camera!  We all know how I loooooove showing off my kiddos (even if it is just their feet or a tooth or two while they're in care), and my new camera has already turned me into a full-fledged paparazzo (as if I wasn't already).

I smile every time I step on a Lego (after muttering "almost" curse words and crying), find a puzzle piece in my shoe, get my nose picked by toddler fingers, have half of my lunch begged for and eaten by a certain hungry baby bird every day, and hear Monkey calling "Mamaaaaaa...  It good morniiiinnnngggg!!!" over the baby monitor.

I have so many big things to be thankful for, but never forget the little things!  It's those "little" things that build your life.  Mine is pretty awesome, and for that I am eternally thankful!  :-)

"Foster Friday" Guest Post: From Foster to Adult

Kelliann is a college senior and former foster youth who aged out of foster care at age 21.  She previously contributed to last month's "Foster Friday" guest post describing "How Foster Care Has Touched Me," and agreed to write this month's guest post for me when I begged her to write more specifically on the topic of how we can help youth aging out of care.  I was so happy she agreed!  :-)

For more from Kelliann, check out her "FACES Youth Blog."  You won't be disappointed!

 

Mimi asked me to contribute to this guest post by writing about the struggles that come with aging out of foster care and how supportive adults can help. “Aging out” refers to youth leaving  foster care without achieving permanency through reunification with their birth family or adoption. Here’s what I’ve got:

First, put yourself in the shoes of foster care alumni:

Think about all of the resources and support you gained from your parents and family after “becoming an adult” at age 18 and transitioning to adulthood. Did it include:

§  Financial support for college or post-secondary education?

§  A place to continue to call home while starting your first job or on college breaks?

§  Independent living skills on how to cook, rent an apartment, or purchase a car?

§  Hand-me-down furnishings and supplies for your first apartment?

§  Health insurance?

§  Someone to call in an emergency or for advice?

§  A place to go for holidays?

§  A support system for the challenges and the joys that naturally come with living life?

Foster youth who age out of care do not have families to provide any of these resources and supports. We must rely instead on ourselves, whatever networks of support we’ve managed to create, and the meager resources provided by the foster care system prior to aging out. As a 21 year old navigating the challenges that come with young adulthood, I continue realizing more and more just how much of a loss it is to age out without a family for all of the reasons listed above. 

Unfortunately, the lack of material resources is often the least of a foster care alum’s worries. Consider that emotionally, most foster youth have a strong background of trauma, abuse, neglect, abandonment, and instability. The inner world of a foster youth can be even more tumultuous than the outer world! 

What are the outcomes when you combine a challenging background with a lack of support? Not surprisingly, the results are discouraging:

§  Less than half of foster youth graduate high school, and only around 2-3% earn a college degree.

§  25% become homeless within two years of aging out

§  25% become incarcerated*

 

How can I help?

The good news is that ordinary people can make a difference for foster youth and those who have aged out!

§  Listen to foster youth tell their stories. Asking good questions and listening are so underappreciated. If you know someone personally who has aged out of foster care, ask about his or her experiences and how having aged out is impacting life now. Ask how you can specifically be supportive.

§  Get involved.

·         Ultimately, the best way to help foster youth is to help them achieve permanent connections with loving families. Adopt or support the adoption of waiting children in foster care. Adopt US Kids and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption are good places to start.

·         You can also support foster youth who have already aged out of care, perhaps through Foster Care to Success or The Camellia Network. Both organizations work to provide encouragement as well as material resources to youth who have aged out.

·         If you are able to connect with a former foster youth in your area, consider how you can step in to meet some of the needs normally addressed by a family. Something as simple as spending an hour teaching a young adult about basic money management or how to apply for educational scholarships can make a huge difference in creating positive outcomes!

§  Don’t be afraid. Foster care carries a lot of stigma, but like all people, foster youth need love and support and will do best when they receive them.

*Statistics from The Camellia Network and Child Trends Research Brief.