Our Bully

Everyone knows that the Booger Bear has a bit of an ornery streak. I've witnessed it at home when he antagonizes Angel. Angel tries to love on him, and he decides it would be fun to pinch her and say, "Ow!" When he's feeling especially bully-ish, he instigates it himself.

He's a tricky one, this almost 14-month-old... He draws you closer by blowing kisses your way. He smiles and flirts. He might even give you a hug. Then, when you least expect it, his true intentions surface. "Ow!" he shouts. The poor, unsuspecting soul usually panics and thinks that they somehow hurt him. Angel and I know better. We know to run. Because when the Booger shouts, "Ow!," hands start making bodily contact in the form of a pinch, a hair tug, or a slap. ...and not OUR hands... The Booger's.

He knows that he can't really get away with it with me. He didn't appreciate his first "Time Out" session, and now immediately "apologizes" by hugging me or kissing wherever he pinched. But with Angel on the other hand, I truly get the full effect of being a mother of two. He "greets" her every morning with an "Ow!," a slap, and a chuckle. Angel, not realizing that she does it, cracks up and says, "Ow! Stop that!" He keeps it up until Angel starts whining like a 6-year-old and the Booger is just howling and laughing away. I fully expect to hear myself shouting, "Don't make me come back there!" or "Do I have to pull this car over? Cause I will!"

So yeah, I knew the Booger Bear was a bit of a bully at home... I didn't really believe our sweet little boy could actually be that bad at his daycare though. That was until the first time I decided to surprise him by picking him up early...

The Booger has a best friend. Hunter is the "Big Boy" in the class. The Booger Bear, as I mentioned before, is the baby. Our boy's not stupid. He knows to get in good with the big guy. Better to be "besties" with the bully than to get bullied on yourself. They get to daycare at the same time ever day. They eat breakfast together. The teachers tell me they are ALWAYS together. So I wasn't really surprised when I walked in that day to see the Terrible Twosome together, standing outside the crib of their sleeping friend. I was, however, a little disturbed by what they were doing to that poor boy.

They hadn't seen me come in, so I got to watch as they came up with their brilliant plan. Poor James... Sleeping, unsuspecting little James... The Booger Bear and Hunter must have decided they wanted their friend to wake up (The daycare calls the three of them the Three Musketeers.) The boys stood and watched James for a few seconds when the idea must have come to them simultaneously. They turned to look at each other, got these mischievous grins on their faces, and proceeded to turn back to the crib and start POKING their sleeping friend! James must be one sound sleeper because he didn't budge, but Hunter the Booger kept looking at each other and cracking up as they continued to turn back and poke poor James.

I couldn't help but laugh. I suppose that wasn't the most "parental" response to physical abuse, but the looks on their faces were hilarious. They were so stinkin' ornery! Then the Booger saw me, and the ornery grin turned into his angelic little smile. Both boys blew me kisses as if they hadn't just been tormenting their friend three seconds before.

Yep... We have a little bully on our hands. Fortunately, he's cute too. If I'm going to continue receiving calls from the principal's office, at least the cuteness acts as a buffer. His daddy will be in for it when he's older though. And I will laugh and laugh... :-)

Enough is Enough Already!!!

So I have a question to all of you seasoned foster parents out there... Is it ever okay for a foster parent to say, "Enough is enough!!! Something's got to give, and it's not gonna be us!!!"?

You see, I've had the Booger Bear since May and Angel since June. Although they are mother and son, because they came into care at different times, it's opened up a whole new can of worms as far as people involved in their case(s) and the number of monthly appointments that we have and strange people coming into our home. On any given day, we have AT LEAST two CPS-related appointments (ex. therapy, medication monitoring, visitations, parenting classes, training classes, home visits with case workers, CASAs for each child, attorneys, court dates, etc.). We try to cram in all of the mandatory doctor and dental visits as well as our routine visits that we would have regardless of CPS on the two days a week that we don't have standing appointments. My 13-month-old has his own dayplanner, for crying out loud!!! AND IT'S FULL!!!

It's bad enough that these kids are living in foster care. Why on earth does the system make it WORSE by forcing them to have no life outside of CPS?!? One case worker even had the nerve to ask why Angel isn't involved in any extra-curricular activities! Another asked when she was going to start job-hunting! SERIOUSLY!??! I asked them when, exactly, they proposed we schedule something seeing as how Angel has appointments EVERY FREAKING DAY for those people! You expect her to WORK too?!? You're all freaking crazy.

As you can tell, I'm a wee bit fed up. I put my foot down as far as scheduling things during the school day. Angel IS NOT missing school unless absolutely necessary for her HEALTH. PERIOD. Fortunately, she has a fairly short school day, so we have been able to schedule things later in the afternoon. UNfortunately, I am a single parent trying to work full-time, and having to take off work constantly is going to get really old for my boss and co-workers. I try to make everyone schedule evening visits, but it doesn't usually work out that way. The CASAs have been great about coming in the evenings, and luckily we have case aids who are able to transport the kids to and from their weekly visitations. Everyone else though, is making it rather difficult.

At what point (if ever) is it okay for me to say, "No, I CAN'T take off work to do a home visit at 2:00!" or "I'm sorry, but Angel is going to take gymnastics and her classes are every Tuesday and Thursday evening from 5:30-7. We're busy. You can come at 7:30 or on Friday night at 6."? Can I ask a therapist who can't work around our schedule for a referral to another therapist who CAN, or do we just have to suck it up, miss work, and potentially get fired all because she was "really busy this month."? I'LL SHOW YOU "REALLY BUSY" LADY!!!"

I think I need better meds, or maybe MY OWN therapist. But I don't DARE schedule an appointment for MYSELF! I'd end up having to miss it anyway due to a surprise visit from a case worker or a last minute mandatory training session. Fun times! How on earth do people do this with FIVE foster kids?!? It's definitely a full-time job and seems to require a lot more patience than I have at the moment. Fortunately, I'm a wee bit OCD and an organizational freak, so I'm getting a pretty good system going as far as all of the paperwork goes. UGH!

HELP!!!

A Call from the Principal's Office

Source

The call every parent dreads... You look at the caller ID, and it's your child's school. GREAT! Guess we're in for another trip to the doctor!

I answer hestitantly, "Hello?"

The voice at the other end says, "Hi Tammy. It's ******* (the principal). I just wanted to call and let you know that your child got bitten again."

Me, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? That's the second day in a row!"

Principal, "I know... Well, apparently your child is a little bit of a bully, and it seems the other kids are retaliating."

My 16-year-old you might assume? Nope! The 1-year-old!!! It seems we'll be having more lessons on the importance of sharing and keeping our hands to ourselves.

The Booger Bear is the "baby" in his class, and has "Little Man's Syndrome." What he lacks in age, size, and motor skills he makes up for in attitude. He wants WHAT he wants WHEN he wants it, whether another child is playing with it or not. His teacher said that he's been known to spot a toy that another child is playing with from across the room, go into his "Super-Aerodynamic Baby Crawler Mode," race across the room with his head low to the ground in order to pick up speed (I do believe TACKLING was involved on more than one occassion), and rip the toy out of the hands of the unsuspecting child.

The morning after the latest "biting incident," I was saying goodbye to the Booger and told him sternly, "Now I don't want to see another incident report today, Buddy. You need to SHARE and BE NICE." One of the other mom's overheard me and lamented, "Oh no!!! It was J?!?" Apparently, it was HER son who's been biting him every day. I assured her not to worry about it because the Booger started it and needs to learn to share. If he gets bitten enough, he'll learn eventually.

We ended up finding the "good" in the situation. At least the kids seem to be best friends because they're always together. Hitting and biting and toy-stealing aside... :-)

Quote of the Day

I thought I'd start putting some of my favorite quotes on here too... My absolute favorite, and the one that is closest to my heart is...

I found this quote the year after Bipolar Girl became medicated and started to turn things around. It seems like I had spent most of my adult life chasing things that I thought would make me happy, but everything always seemed just out of reach.

It wasn't until my year of getting myself together that I finally realized that I needed to stop focusing on what I didn't have, and start focusing on all of the good things in my life. Amazingly, within a year of me deciding to stop chasing butterflies, they found me! Their names are "Angel" and "Booger Bear", and I've never been happier.

A Boy & His Bubble Bath

Totally secure in his masculinity, the Booger Bear enjoys a good bubble bath every now and then... Granted, he spends more time INHALING the bubbles than he does relaxing in them, but he seems to enjoy himself. :-)