Monday, March 4, 2013


I had one of those moments at lunch today where I'm SURE I'm over-thinking things, but...  Monkey's dad came to pick him up and (long story short) Monkey wanted to stay with Mommy.  He cried.  He clung to my neck.  He had the sad, pouty lip and big tears.  Monkey's not feeling well, and you want your Mommy when you're not feeling well.  I told him that he would get to see Mommy again tonight, and that I loved him...  Not realizing immediately that this was the first time I have ever actually called myself "Mommy" in front of his dad.  MONKEY calls me "Mommy" in front of him all the time, but this was a first for me.  I noticed his dad kind of tearing up as they left, and that's when my brain went into overdrive.

Was his dad sad that Monkey didn't want to go to him?

Was he upset that I call myself "Mommy" when he has a birth mom who's missing out on everything because she just couldn't get better?

Was he upset that Monkey's birthmom is missing his birthday today?

Was he worried because he knows something I don't know and maybe he's losing his job and he won't need me to keep Monkey anymore and he knows how upset I'd be and how upset Monkey would be and he doesn't know how to tell me so he's putting it off until the last possible second?  (See...  Over-thinking!)

All sorts of thoughts running through my head...  Heck.  For all I know his dad's allergies could have been acting up and he wasn't upset at all!  But all of that thinking made me think (shocker :-)...

As sad as I am that Monkey's mom hasn't been able to heal enough to be a positive part of his life, I am (selfishly) grateful that I am the Mommy that Monkey knows.  I'm grateful that he's been my little boy for the past two years.  I'm grateful that when he talks about "Mommy," I know he's talking about me.  I'm grateful that his daddy knows that too, and that he supports it even though it hurts him to know Monkey's birthmom is out there somewhere.  I'm grateful that his birthmom risked her life to give birth to him, even though she wasn't able to overcome the things that stood in the way of her being able to be his "mommy" long-term.  I'm grateful that God chose me to take that place in his life when he was two months old.  I'm grateful for every single second that I get to be this little guy's mom.


MamaFoster said...

i think he was just sad that his son was so sad and if he could he would give him a home with a mom and dad living under the same roof, but can't.

i think that is probably all there is to it

Charlene Hertzberg said...

I'd imagine that he was just sad that little Monkey was upset. He might have even been filled with gratitude to have you in their lives. Having someone your baby can count on besides you has got to feel like an awesome gift to a single parent without a lot of family resources.

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