As I step onto the scale,
I pray, Oh Lord, I'm not a whale.
I've gone to the restroom and blown my nose.
I've shaved my legs down to my toes.
I've plucked and tweezed and cleaned out my ears.
I hope this will help calm my fears.
I've flossed my teeth. I've trimmed my nails.
I've heard that last step rarely fails!
I've popped all zits and stripped off my clothes.
What else can I do? Lord only knows...
I chant, " Light as a feather...I'm lighter than air...
I'm a teeny, tiny model-type with nary a care."
So as I tiptoe onto the scale,
I pray, oh Lord, I'm not a whale.
And if I've not lost as much as I should,
I'll know that I did all I could.
(Just a little pre-weigh-in advice from the master!)