I Fear I Will Never...

...have a "normal" telephone conversation ever again.

Something happens to intelligent human beings when they have kids.  Add their friends and family having children around the same ages to the mix, and they're all doomed to the following telephone conversations with each other for an as-yet-to-be-determined amount of time:

Scenario Number One:

6:35pm - My sister calls my cell phone.  I know it's her from the ringtone.  I can not answer because I have Bug in my arms feeding him his bottle with one hand, and wiping away at the spit up on my shirt with the other.  I say aloud "I'll call you back!" in the hopes that she will hear me even though I never actually answered the phone.

7:15pm - Bug is in bed, so I call Christy back.  She doesn't answer.  I assume she is putting the Mini Munchkins to bed.  I text her "Call me when you're free."

9:00pm - Text from Christy "Kids are all asleep here.  I know you're putting Monkey to bed, so call me when he's down."

9:30pm - I finally call Christy.  Within the first 30 seconds, we have used the words poopy, spitty uppy, and booger wall.  We forget who called the other first, and totally don't remember what either of us were going to tell the other or why we were calling in the first place.  We end the conversation with "Mama needs to go night-night."


Scenario Number Two:

11:30am - Mom calls me at work to tell me that Monkey is eating his lunch and has been talking about Mommy coming home the entire time.  I ask to talk to him.

Me:  "Hi Monkey!  It's Mommy!  What are you doing?"
Monkey:  (silence)
Me:  "Nana said you wanted to talk to Mama.  Are you eating lunch?"
Monkey:  (heavy breathing)
Me:  "Mama loves you, baby!  I'll be home in a little while.  Do you want to watch Thomas the Train?"
Monkey: (crickets chirping)

Mom: "Well, he was talking about you non-stop."

Monkey (in the background): "Mama on da phone!  Hewoh!!!  Hewoh, Mama!  Thomas.  Kitty Cat.  Cheese.  Bye-bye!"


Scenario Three:

Me (calling Christy):  "Hey!  You answered the phone!"
Christy (whispering):  "Yeah...  I'm hiding in my bedroom.  Hopefully they won't find me!"

We chat for a minute.  Literally one minute, then SCRRREEEAAAMMM!!!

Buddy:  "Moooom!  Pooper took Butterfly's sippy cup and now she's mad!"
Christy:  "Well take it away from him and give it back to Butterfly."

(pause...  "OWWW!!!  That's not nice, Pooper!)

Buddy:  "Moooom!  Pooper bit me when I tried to take away the sippy cup and give it back to Butterfly!"
Christy:  "I'm sorry.  He's a toddler.  He doesn't know any better."
Buddy:  "Will you tell him to stop?"
Christy:  "Is he still biting you?!?"
Buddy:  "No."
Christy:  "Well then I guess everything's okay then, huh?  I'm trying to talk to Aunt Tammy.  Go play."

(one minute later...)

Ka-Diva:  "I want to talk to Aunt Tammy!"
Buddy:  "Me too!  Can we come to your house, Aunt Tammy?!?"
Christy (now resorting to bribery):  "If you two will go keep an eye on your brother and sister so I can talk to Aunt Tammy for ten uninterrupted minutes, you can go to Aunt Tammy's this afternoon!"
Me:  "Uh, really?  Okay."
Buddy and Ka-Diva:  "OKAY!!!  YAY!!!"

Source

(three minutes later...)

Christy:  (mid-sentence):  "...oh man!  They found me!," she exclaimed as she spotted two pairs of toddler eyes staring at her over the mattress.

And that was the end of that phone conversation.  :-)


Scenario Four:

My BFF Katie calls me at work because she knows it's probably the only time she'll be able to reach me.  We talk for about twenty minutes when she says, "I guess I should probably go in."

Me:  "Go in where?"
Katie:  "Oh, I've been in my truck sitting in my driveway.  They don't know I'm home yet."


One day...  in the distant, far-off future...  in a galaxy far, far away...  My sister, mother, friends, and I will be able to have a telephone conversation that doesn't involve little people tugging on our pant legs chanting "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"  We will be able to talk for more than a minute without mention of bodily fluids.  We will be able to talk about ourselves in 1st person, rather than saying "Mommy really needs a nap."  One day, years from now when our children are grown, we will be able to call each other in peace!

Oh, who am I kidding?  Somehow I have a feeling the conversations will be eerily similar, only the "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" will be replaced with the "Mimi! Mimi! Mimi!" of our grandchildren's voices.  I fear the phone conversations of the present are my new "normal."  I suppose I should look for some good hiding places before Bug and Monkey are onto me!  :-)

We're Still Alive and Kickin'

Wow!  I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I last posted here on the actual blog!  I've developed the habit of posting on the FB page every day, but when it comes to sitting down and writing a piece long enough to be "blog worthy," I just haven't had the time.

Bug has been with me for six weeks now, and in that time I have had every illness known to man.  Sinus/ear infection, upper respiratory infection, the flu, a stomach virus, and now bronchitis.  Up until last week, Bug at least had been perfectly healthy.  Then my little guy got RSV, so it's been a rough week for all of us.  Very, very thankful for an awesome Mom who has literally been camped out at my house since last Friday taking care of Bug, me, and Monkey while we've been trying to get over all of the sickness!  At least this time, I learned my lesson about saying "I need a break, already!"  You won't hear those words coming from my mouth this time around!  No sir-ee!!!  :-)

Bug Update - At 4-months-old, Bug has got to be the happiest, most content little guy I have ever met.  I always thought that Monkey was a happy baby, but he had nothing on Bug!  Bug smiles, coos, and babbles away from the moment he opens his eyes until he's asleep for the night.  Even with RSV and having to do breathing treatments every four hours, my little Bugaboo does his best to smile right through the worst of it.

He is constantly talking to his "friends" (aka. anything that has eyes ;-), and the one perk to him having RSV and having to elevate his mattress is that he has a great view of his "friends" on the wall.  Bug wakes up chattering away to Pooh Bear and Piglet until it's time to get up for the day.

He is always on the lookout for Mama, and will crane his neck in order to get to look at me from across the room.  He's trying really hard to roll from his back to his tummy, and will scoot in 360 degree circles in his attempts.  He's laughing out loud, and thinks that Mama is one funny, funny lady.  :-)

I can not get enough of this kid!  :-)

Monkey, on the other hand, isn't quite sure what he thinks of the new kid on the block.  :-)  He seems to be more intrigued than anything...  until Mama makes the grave error of actually picking up the baby.  Then Monkey comes unglued screaming "NOOOOO!!!" as he runs from the room.  :-)  For the most part, he tolerates Bug while he's in his swing.  He'll even go so far as to try to give the baby his bottle or share his cars.  He does not, however, like to share his Mama.  We've had some rough nights and some serious separation anxiety because of it.  Fortunately, Monkey's no longer a foster kiddo, so on one particularly rough night, my little guy just camped out in Mama's bed.

At almost 23-months-old, Monkey is a complete riot.  He talks non-stop, and never fails to crack me up.  His favorite phrases right now are "Come on, guys!" and "There [Mama or whatever] is!"  He is a bottomless pit when it comes to eating, has a total sweet tooth thanks to his daddy, and is constantly asking for chips, cookies, cheese, [gold]fish, chocolate, etc.  And his "terrible twos" come out when Mama says "no."  He loves to sing songs and will repeat everything that he hears.  He is still fascinated with Thomas the Train and has several episodes completely memorized.  Bedtime is still "our" time, where we cuddle and sing and giggle for 20 minutes straight before Monkey goes down for the night.  We sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in rounds and Monkey laughs his "crazy" laugh and tells me "I funny!  I goopy! (goofy)"

Yet another kiddo who I can't get enough of!  :-)

Things are very quiet with Bug's case.  He's had one visit with his maternal grandmother one week into being in care, but no contact with anyone since.  CPS has yet to locate his parents, and no one has bothered to call to ask about him since.  I have to admit, I'm having a difficult time getting into a "reunification" mindset when everything in me knows that my little guy needs so much more than a birth family who refuses to put him on their list of priorities.  This is the first case I've had where I don't think reunification is even remotely a good choice for my baby.  I don't think it will work, and I know my little guy will end up back in care.  The thought of sending him back to a family who chooses crime and other negative things over him terrifies me.

I'm frustrated with myself because I have always been a strong advocate for my kids' families.  I have always tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and do whatever I can to help them heal and make positive choices.  It drives me nuts when I see foster parents immediately stake a claim to their foster children and do everything they can to stand in the way of allowing a family to heal.  And while I would never purposefully stand in the way of reunification when there is even a remote chance of it working, right now, I'm just not willing to bend over backwards to make it happen when it comes to Bug like I have with all of my other kiddos.  Of all of my little ones, I think that Bug is coming from a place that just isn't safe and I don't want to send him back to that.  Not that I have a choice if that's what the State decides to do...  but I'm still (not so) secretly hoping that my little Bug will be my legal "forever."

Notes to Self...

 

• When making the spur-of-the-moment decision to "just throw on yesterday's jeans and run to the store," it might be wise to make certain they aren't the same jeans that the baby peed on.  Just sayin'.

• The Walmart door greeter probably isn't going to appreciate your snarky sense of humor.  When she asks, "Is he your first?!?" and you reply "Oh goodness, I've totally lost count.  He's the only one living with me full-time though," she's probably going to stare in horror or confusion as you walk away.

• Only buy infant pajamas that have a full zipper or snaps entirely up the front. Believe me when I say you do not want to have to attempt to pull pjs over your baby's head after a 3:00am diaper blow-out. I have done the whole "cut the clothing off of the baby" thing in order to avoid that, but it's kind of a bummer when you really like the outfit.

 

•  Always be aware of those times when the baby is not with you, and adjust your speech and actions accordingly. Standing up at the office and announcing, "Mama's gotta go potty. I'll be right back" will probably result in chuckles and taunts from your co-workers. Absentmindedly taking a tissue to your boss' nose after he sneezes... Probably not wise. Always be aware of those times you are childless!

 

• When the obnoxious single dad in the WIC office begins complaining, LOUDLY, about how long it is taking for the tenth time in only fifteen minutes, it would probably not be the brightest decision to start singing the "Have Patience" song just as loudly.  Others might find it amusing.  Him, probably not so much.  ;-)

Have patience, have patience

Don't be in such a hurry.

When you get impatient, you only start to worry.

Remember, remember that God is patient, too...

And think of all the times when others have to wait for you. 

 

 

Yes, these are just a few of the things that I thought I should write down.  Some things are too important to forget.  And remembering not to make jokes about not knowing what your baby's father looks like with the elderly church ladies would probably be one of them.

 







Kid Quotes

Time for a few more Kid Quotes as we round out the year...  :-)

My sister was going through some of Ka-Diva's papers, and found this "Emergency Contact Card" mixed in with her things.  She lists her Mom's Cell Number and 9-1-1 for emergencies.  At first glance, I wasn't quite sure what she meant by "Mrs. Lynn - Not that bad."  Mrs. Lynn was the big twins' Kindergarten teacher a couple of years ago and lives on the other side of their cul de sac.  I thought, "Well, that's nice that she thinks Mrs. Lynn isn't 'that bad,'" but what does that have to do with emergency contacts?  That's when I realized Ka-Diva meant that she should contact Mrs. Lynn if there was an emergency that wasn't "that bad."  :-)  Funny thing is, my sister has called on her more than once!  Her husband is an EMT, and with four kids, someone is always getting hurt.  :-)

 

Buddy (upon taking a long, looong time in the restroom, my mom called in to him "Buddy, are you okay in there?") - His response...  "I'm good!  Just a singin' and a poopin'!"  (such a boy!)

 

(from my sister's FB) - "Butterfly has started the "terrible twos," I'm afraid.  Ka-Diva was frustrated with her last night.  She threw her hands on her hips, huffed, and said, "I can already tell when she starts school she is going to get notes in her binder from the teacher ALL THE TIME!!"

 

Colton (my BFF's 4-year-old) - "Mommy, what's Heaven like?"  Katie went on to describe in beautiful detail what she thought Heaven must be like...  Colton, pondering her description, replied, "Do they have nice chairs?"  Apparently comfortable seating is a concern for this particular 4-year-old.  ;-)

 

Monkey - The older Monkey gets, and the more he is able to communicate, the more I am beginning to discover just what types of things he does when he is with his daddy.  A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take Monkey to his old daycare for a visit.  Along the way, we passed that good old fast food establishment with the golden arches.  I've never taken Monkey there before, but someone certainly has, because my 21-month-old looked out the window, pointed, and exclaimed, "MMMMM!!!"  :-)

 

There was also the time when I thought I would be a super nice Mama and give Monkey his first real cookie.  Not one of those baby ones...  I walked into the kitchen and asked, "Monkey, would you like to try a cookie?"  I didn't think he'd have a clue what I was talking about, but I knew that he would try it because I was eating one (and anything Mama eats has to be good)...  Boy, was I wrong!  Monkey's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as he came running into the kitchen shouting, "COOKIE?!?"  Yep.  I think Daddy's been busted.

 

 Last month, Buddy and Ka-Diva had a book report project where they were required to turn hats into representations of their book.  Christy called me in a panic because she needed some help with the creative side of things.  We spent the next three nights working on the kids' hats.  As we came to a few of the more artistically-challenging portions, I asked the kids if they wanted me or their mom to help them.  Both of them quickly replied, "YOU!"  Christy, slightly offended, said something like, "Hey!  What about me?!?  I can do it too!  But I guess I'm not as good as Aunt Tammy."  Buddy, putting on his concerned, "I need to make this better" face, looked at Christy and said, "It's okay, Mommy.  You are trying your best.  You made a good effort!  That's all that matters!"  (Their hats totally rocked, by the way. :-)

 

 

 

 

(from Christy's FB) - "Ever since we moved into this house (about 5 years ago), circumstances have always unfolded resulting in Chris having to hang our outside Christmas lights in freezing weather.  It has become a tradition now.  Today, Buddy said, 'YAY!  A cold front is coming through!  Daddy can finally hang the lights!'  Sure enough, that is exactly what happened.  He was cold, but the house sure looks pretty now!  :-)" 

(also from Christy's FB) - "The kids have a Christmas performance at school tomorrow.  Ka-Diva (from the tub) said, 'Man, I bet it smells like soap there tomorrow.  All the parents are giving their kids baths tonight so they don't have the one kid there that stinks!' Lol"

(after a particularly smashing success at their Christmas performance) - "Performance went great tonight!  I told the kids that I, without a doubt, had the two most talented kids in the show.  Buddy just smiled and said, 'All the other moms are saying the same thing to their kids right now too, you know...'"  :-)

Monkey - During our little visit to his old daycare, Monkey made himself quite at home.  While hanging out in the "big kid" classroom, Monkey spotted a toy that he apparently just couldn't live without.  He was a man with a plan.  Monkey grabbed the toy, tucked it under his arm like he was carrying a football, exclaimed, "Come on, Mama!" and proceeded to run through three rooms straight to the front door of the building.  The daycare director was standing at the door, and Monkey walked right passed her, said, "Bye-bye!" and tried to push his way out of the building with his pilfered toy in hand!

Booger Bear - We had an early Christmas at my house with all of my kids last Saturday (more on that in a later post because it was awesome!).  At one point during the evening, I overheard a conversation between Booger and my mom.

Booger:  "Is Santa coming to your house, Nana?"
My mom:  "No, I don't think he is..."  (not elaborating that she doesn't have kids at home)
Booger (eyes HUGE):  "What did you DO?!?"

Booger knew that you had to be pretty bad to have Santa pass you by.  He had already told me that he knew he hadn't always been a good boy, but that Santa had already come to see him once.  So the fact that Nana didn't think that Santa was coming to see her absolutely shocked him.  Booger couldn't fathom a world where Nana had done something so terrible that Santa wouldn't come to her house!  :-)

Banana - Banana loves her Mimi almost as much as her Mimi loves her.  :-)  The following is what I believe is a fairly accurate representation of how our conversations usually go during the times we are together.

Banana:  "Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!  Mimi!"
Me:  "Yeah, baby?"
Banana:  (Big smile)

And last, but not least...  Heaven told me, "So Tammy, I just have to say you're gonna be impressed with your gift from Booger.  :)  It's not much...  Just something simple, but when he and I were looking for your present and found it he said, 'Mommy, this is what Tammy needs from me, so she knows that she can always have me in her heart!'  and the way he said it was so serious."  I love my heart necklace with Booger's initial inside!  And he sure smiled pretty big today when I showed him that I was wearing it.

I've got some pretty fantastic kids in my life, and they never cease to crack me up, make me think, and make me proud to be their "Aunt Tammy, Mama, Mimi, Tammy."  :-)
        

1 Week Down and 3 Months Old

The Bugmeister is 3 months old today, and is one seriously cute kid.  Definitely the easiest baby I've had yet!  He's a total flirt (very popular with the ladies), all smiles all the time, doesn't spit up, only poops at daycare, and only cries (and a quiet cry at that) when he's hungry or needs a diaper change.  He's been with me for exactly one week, and we have gotten into a great routine that should work out really well when Monkey comes back.  He's down for the night around 7:00pm and wakes up between 1-2:00am for a bottle and again between 5-6:00.  He goes back to sleep just long enough for me to get ready for work, and have a little down time before getting him up and ready for the day.  Monkey usually gets here at 8:30pm and wakes up around 7:30am, so the timing should work out well.  We'll have a trial run tomorrow night/Sunday morning when I get Monkey for our family Christmas. 

At 3 months old, Bug:

• Smiles and coos constantly
• Has reflux, but is easily managed with rice in his nighttime bottles
• Taking 6oz of formula every 3 hours during the day!
• 5oz with 1 tsp rice during night feedings
• Loves talking to his "friends" (Monkey's old favorite Mr. Giraffe, and Bug's best "friend" Teddy Bear)
• Has all of the women who meet him swooning when he smiles and talks to them
• Only weighs about 10 pounds the best I can tell (check up on the 27th, so we'll know for sure then)
• In 0-3 month clothes
• Loves to cuddle
• Loves tummy time (crazy kid)
• Gets the hiccups when he cries

Bug has his first visit today with his grandma (and possibly his mom).  Grandma has had him since he was born, so she has been his primary caregiver and I know she's missing him.  My initial impressions are that Bug's case won't last very long, but of course, this is foster care.  I could be totally wrong.  I'll get a better idea this evening after Bug's investigating caseworker brings him back home.

Christmas pjs are a MUST!

As cute as Bug is, I'm missing Monkey something FIERCE.  I've never been apart from him this long, and while I have Bug to keep me busy, I REALLY need my little Monkey Man.  I'm SOOO looking forward to tomorrow night when I have ALL of my kids together for Christmas! My three boys (Booger Bear, Monkey, and my newest little Bug), my girls (Heaven and Kama), my Banana, and my awesome son-in-law Kelly... My family might be unconventional, but I think it's pretty fantastic.  Never in a million years would I have thought that foster care would bring me my family in the way that it has, but I wouldn't change a thing!