Thursday, May 8, 2014

Mimi's Infant Dress Code

As I've been purging and organizing my stash of tiny human clothing while I'm on my self-imposed one-year foster care break, I've decided to be very particular about the types of outfits I will keep for future babies.  I figure I've been dressing infants for over five years now, and I can safely say what I will and will not be putting on my child.  As I started going through my foster care closet (aka. My "Monica" Hidden Closet of Doom), I realized that I have established rather clear-cut "rules" on infant clothing.  Let me introduce you to:

Mimi's Infant Dress Code

Rule #1 - No one piece outfits or pajamas with legs that pull over the head!  I learned this lesson the hard way at about 2:45am one morning when Monkey had a diaper blowout of massive proportions in his brand new adorable red flannel jammies.  I realized as I was cutting his clothing off of him, ER-style, in the middle of the night that all future outfits must have an easy means of escape that don't involve pulling poop-covered material over my child's head.  Yes, the outfit may be the cutest thing you ever saw, but trust me when I say it won't be quite so cute in a blowout situation.

Rule #2 - Snaps must not be "hidden."  It is hard enough snapping pajamas in the dark after a diaper change.  Those "fancy" jammies where you have to turn the seams inside out so the snaps don't show are just not right!  Whoever came up with that design clearly didn't have children or they never would have released those garments into the market.

Rule #3 - Tight-fitting thermal jammies must be at least two sizes larger than what the baby typically wears.  I played a mean trick (unintentionally, I promise) on Miss Kaitlyn at daycare one day. I sent a cute little outfit for Bug's "I Drooled Down to My Toes in my First Outfit of the Day" ensemble. I had never put him in it myself though because I took one look at it and thought, "That's gonna be a "B" to get him into!" So I sent it to let Miss Kaitlyn have go at it. She's young and in shape! Surely she was capable of wrestling the squirming octopus into submission! The look she gave me when I walked in the door to pick up my little Bugmeister that afternoon made me rethink my position on the matter in the future.   I believe she said something along the lines of "Don't you ever do that again!"  ...and I am fairly certain that chocolate made its way to daycare the next week as I grovelled for forgiveness.

Rule #4 - I am all about the zipper!  My mom has always said that she hates zippers because she worries about all of the awkward positions you have to put the baby into to get them in the outfit.  I maintain that any child who can suck on their own toes with ease will have absolutely no problem bending in half to get their leg into that one non-zippered side of the outfit.  Zippers just make life easier.  Bring on the zippers!!!

Rule #5 - Hair accessories need to be proportionate with the child's head.  I adore hair bows on baby girls!  I can't wait to get a little pink up in this house so I can accessorize to my heart's content.  But when it comes to your little one's hair accessories...  Puh-leeze!!!  Try to show a little restraint!  When your little girl's hair bow is bigger than her entire head, perhaps it's time for your loved ones to stage an intervention.  (This is a touched up photo of Monkey.  I didn't want to offend anyone by posting an actual photo of their baby with a ridiculously large bow on its head, but I think you get the idea.)

Rule #6 - This one is more a personal "rule" than one that I would impose on others, but I simply can not let my kids run around without pants.  I don't know why.  It's not like a baby in nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt is hurting anything.  Heck!  It might even be more convenient to forgo the pants altogether, but for some reason I just can't do it!  My babies wear bottoms.  Period.  The ironic thing about this rule is that I tend to sleep in a t-shirt and undies myself.  (TMI, I know.  You're welcome for that! ;-)  I can't tell you the number of times that Monkey has exclaimed when he calls me into his room in the middle of the night, "Mommy!  You no having any pants!"  So the fact that my children are always bottom-covered due to my crazy hang-up really is rather funny.

I'm sure I could list another dozen rules if I really thought about it, but these seemed to be the ones that immediately came to mind.  What about you?  Do you have an unspoken dress code for your little ones? 

1 comment:

G said...

Your "must have pants" rule made me laugh because I'm the exact same way and hadn't even realized I'd made a rule about it!

I've been fretting (mildly) over the fact that M has all these onesies and not enough pants/shorts/skirts to go with them. Because a 3 month old couldn't possibly wear just a onesie in the heat of a Deep South summer! :)

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