Thursday, March 11, 2010


Everyone handles grief in their own way. I've just discovered that MY way of handling it seems to be to rearrange, redecorate, and clean. The "cleaning" part of that statement surprises me because I never clean. My house is decent and clean on the surface, but when it comes to the deep cleaning stuff... I wait for the Magical Cleaning Genie to show up (thanks, Mom! :-).

Before yesterday's madness, CPS had told me that they were getting an extension and that Booger would be with me for another few months. I had just taken him shopping and let him pick out new linens and stuff for his bedroom and bathroom. I hadn't had a chance to set anything up yet though. So today, I'm starting to set up the nursery in the stuff that the Booger Bear hand-picked. Now, the next baby who comes to my door will have their very own room decorated by their predecessor.

I talked to (well, texted with) the Booger's daddy this morning, and they had a hard night last night. They weren't able to get him down until after 1:00, and he ended up having to sleep in bed with his dad. I told him that was to be expected. Booger's stress hits him at night, so he should probably get used to that sleeping arrangement until he adjusts. His dad really wants to make this as easy on him as possible, so he's been asking me all sorts of questions about what he normally does, likes to eat, etc. He's never had him longer than 9 hours, so this is definitely going to be an eye-opener for him. I don't know if he realizes just how hard it is to be a single parent, but I know he has a lot of help. It's also abundantly clear how much he loves J, so I'm not as worried about him as I might be under other circumstances. I'm really, really glad that he's asking me for advice though. It will make the transition a lot easier on Booger to try to keep things as "normal" as possible.

In the meantime, I'm having a Girls' Night (well, afternoon probably) on Saturday! The first one I've been able to go to in a year!!! Then, we're coming back to my place and painting my upstairs bedroom so I can get my old room back. I have an appointment with the leg/ankle doctor tomorrow morning and I should (hopefully) be free and clear of the fracture boot too!

I'm sure it will take some time before I get my next placement. It's hard to find no medical needs infants for single, working parents so I will likely have a couple of months to enjoy being "Single Lady with a Cat" again. I'm going to catch up on my sleep, catch up on my TV shows, and catch up on my GIRL TIME! It's hard having a social life when you don't have a husband to leave the kids with!

Please keep praying for us... That the Booger adjusts quickly and well... and that I heal from the hurt soon so I can help another baby who needs me just as much as J did when he first came to my door. Thank you for all of your support!


Snarky Mom said...

Oh Tammy. I'm sorry seems like such an inappropriate sentiment but I am truly sorry. I remember the first one that left my house, it was horrible. I didn't get closure and their parents were not receptive to contact or help. It does get easier but grief is always a part of foster care. Somebody is always grieving the loss of a child. I hope you find peace and I pray that J adjusts quickly and easily. Just know that you gave him the greatest start in life and because of YOU he will form an attachment to his father. Be proud of yourself even through the pain of the loss, you have made his life better in so many ways.

natash coleman said...

Your pain will heal but he will always be your first baby. No matter what, trust me when my first two girls left it was the hardest thing I have dealt with in a long time. Be grateful he is letting you stay involoved because in most cases the "parents" want all this to dissappear. J will be in our prayers and so will you. Remember..we are heroes..its what we do:)

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