I Just Can't Take Him Anywhere!

When the Booger Bear was younger, he would say "hi" to everyone we passed in the grocery store aisles. He would smile, wave, flirt... Pretty much win the hearts of everyone we ran into... That was cute. Everyone smiled and it turned into a game when he would say "hi" to the same person in each of the 20 rows of the grocery store.

Now that he's older, and is considerably louder more vocal than he used to be, it's become slightly embarrassing being seen with the Booger in public. It started around 12 months old, when he developed a strange obsession for bananas. We couldn't go into the produce section of the store without him shouting, "NANAS!!! NANAS!!!" I would whisper, "Yes, baby. We're getting bananas." He would continue to shout until I physically picked up the bananas, and I let him HOLD the bananas the rest of the shopping trip. Then, he would go into a full-blown panic when it came time to pay. I would assure him that he would get the bananas back, and I would have to let him hand the "nanas" to the cashier (who also had to reassure him that she wasn't stealing his bananas). He would eye her suspiciously until she bagged them and handed them back.

If only it had stopped there...

I realized around 14 months old that Booger's vocabulary was much, much different than the other children when we were passing through the lingerie section in Target. The Booger started pointing and shouting, "RA!!! RA!!!" (OMG! Is it possible to pretend like I don't know this baby?) I tried to ignore him, thinking he would stop. But when I failed to acknowledge his excited exclamations, he started pulling on my arm, pointing at the bras, and shouting, "Mimi!!! RA!!! RA, Mimi!!!" I lean down and whisper, "Yes, baby. You're right. Those are bras." I tried to ignore the stares and not-so-muffled chuckling of the other Target patrons, but that's rather difficult to do when your child is engaging them in conversation by smiling, saying "hi," then pointing to the bras, and shouting, "RA!!!" Seriously. Shoot me now. CPS is SOOOO going to take my license away.

Booger has also decided in the past couple of months that every young man is "Daddy," and every older man is "Papa." Want to get a good laugh? Just take a toddler in public and watch the young men squirm and panic as he points at them and shouts at the top of his lungs, "DADDY!!!" Hee-hee... :-) I'm holding off on telling my brother-in-law that Booger calls him "Papa" when he talks about him though. Three months younger than me, and he never lets me forget it... So I'm waiting until next month on his 35th birthday to tell him that the Booger thinks he's too old to be his daddy. I'm so mean. :-)

I took the Booger shopping the weekend before I broke my leg, and swore I would NEVER take him in public again. He pulled every last obnoxious toddler trick in the book... Standing up in the cart... Screaming temper tantrums when I wouldn't let him hold breakable items... Slapping me when I told him to stop... I realized that I had become one of those parents that everyone stares at in disgust because I didn't abandon my shopping cart immediately and remove the screamer from the store. I also (finally) understood why parents don't immediately leave. I just wanted to get every last possible item that I could potentially need for the next year just so I would never have to take the Little Toot in public again!

Fortunately (I guess), I broke my leg the next week, and the Booger went two entire months without shopping because my mom did almost all of it while I was wheelchair-bound. I got brave and ventured out with the Booger for the first time last weekend, and it went surprisingly well. I think it had been so long since he'd been shopping that it had become something new and exciting again. I thought I was in the clear! ...and then we got to the checkout line and he spotted the janitorial cleaning cart... Booger loves to clean. He is obsessed with cleaning (seriously OCD baby here, I'm telling you). The old Booger came back with a vengeance as he began shouting and crying, "ROOM! ROOM! PLAY ROOM! WEEP!" (Broom, broom, play broom. Sweep.)

I think it might be a while before we go back to Target. I don't think they like us there anymore. :-(