Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Hardest Thing...

It's the hardest thing in the world...  Doing the "right" thing when it means letting go of your child...

I have spent the better part of the past two weeks trying my hardest to find out what is going on in Monkey's case, and to try to get longer, unsupervised visits with his parents if things are still going as well as they were in November.  As far as I know, things are still on track to move him home in March, and I desperately want him to be able to spend some quality time with his parents before that happens.  How can he possibly feel comfortable leaving the only home and only Mama he's ever known when he's going to a strange house and people who he has only seen for one hour a week at a CPS office?


For me, this is the suckiest part of foster care.  Loving a child with my whole heart...  Wanting to be their Mama forever, but knowing that I won't be...  So my days consist of being the best Mama that I can be now, all the while working towards helping my children's biological parents be the best parents they can be when my babies leave.  Quite frankly, it sucks!  But I know that by doing so, I'm still loving and protecting my little ones to the best of my ability even after they leave my home. 

Why wouldn't I try to get parents who are doing well longer visits at home when it means my baby will know them better and be familiar with his new home when he leaves?  Why wouldn't I tell them everything that I know about their baby so they can keep his routine, know his favorite toys, and serve his meals the way he likes them?  Why wouldn't I push his caseworker to do her job and do what's right for this family when they have worked so hard and changed their lives for the better? 

I cherish every single day that I have with my babies, but when it's clear that their families are ready to be the best parents they can be, I know it's time for me to let go.  And it sucks.  Just sayin'...

10 comments:

Small Town Joy: said...

I completely agree! In our case there are no visits for this baby. Praying we stay on this track.

Teresa said...

I absolutely feel this exactly as you wrote it. Our little guy has court this week, and I expect him to be ordered home. I'm devestated by that, but I still called the caseworker and asked that his visits be overnights from now on. I'll have time to be sad after he's gone, but right now it's all about advocating for the easiest transition he can have.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

It just never gets easier. But it feels so good to do the right thing.

Diane said...

You have a wonderful attitude, one that puts your child first. I hate case managers and other employees of the system that do their jobs on paper, without considering the emotional ramifications to their decisions. I have always tried to lead the way in my kids' transitions home, because frankly, the professionals often take the easy attitude of "they're kids, they'll adjust". Makes me mad when they look at it as a black and white placement, often with minimal transition for very young children, justifying they "won't remember". Pooh! Good luck and keep advocating!

Our Journey said...

I'm in the other corner. I haven't had the experience of a baby/child being ready to go home...not sure I will with this case either. Good for you though putting Monkey's emotional needs above all else! It will help all of you transition better I'm sure :) Still wondering what it's like to have a bio-parent do well and work hard to get their little one back. So happy for Monkey but sad for you :(

Carrie said...

What a selfless thing you are doing. If only everyone involved in making decisions for these little ones would truly do what is best for the child. When we "transitioned" our babies to their grandmother, she wasn't interested one bit in their routines, favorites, what they liked to eat, etc. It broke my heart because I knew that those things could only help them and if she truly loved them, she would want to know...

MamaFoster said...

going home in march but no over nights or anything before then? that sounds odd...

Tammy (aka. "Mimi") said...

Booger never had any overnights. I dropped him off at daycare the morning of court, and they just never brought him home. After what happened with HIM, nothing surprises me when it comes to CPS and "transitions" (or lack thereof).

Mama P said...

Yes...yes it does suck. Big. So big that no one can even understand it except those who have been through it. I also hate the comments from friends/family when you are getting ready to send a child home that "They don't deserve to get them back," etc., when we can see how much the bioparents have put into their case plans and how they love the best they can.

Princess and Squishy are the only other two that we've had overnights for. Baby Tot didnt even have unsupervised visits before he was returned home, neither did Kiddo or Bonesy.

One Blessed Mom said...

((Hugs)) I know how you feel. I'm going through it right now with my 24th placement. However, my child, if he goes home, is going home (where ever that will be) to a mom who is really no better off than she was when he was taken from her at age 1 month. He's been here 16 months. The hardest part of fostering for me is giving back a child and having to worry about it every hour of the day because you know mom can't take care of him because she hasn't even been able to take care of herself. Yes, I'm filled with worry because I fear that my baby is at high risk for neglect.
Sending prayers your way. God bless you for all you do for your kids.

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