Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Time to Take the Happy Pills!!!

I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and bipolar tendencies my entire adult life.  The past couple of years though, have actually been pretty good, even with all of the insanity and emotional highs and lows that come with foster care.  I weaned off of my meds, and haven't had to take any kind of medication for nearly two years!
Lately though, those feelings of wanting to snap the heads off of anyone who dares to look at me funny slight irritability, having a burning desire to quit my job and open a group home for troubled teens impulsive thoughts, and moments where I burst into uncontrollable sobs because my Diet Coke has gone flat inappropriate emotional responses are back.  The good thing about all of this is that after 20 years of dealing with it, I've pretty much learned to recognize when I'm in need of medical intervention vs. just being an emotional "girl."  Crying during sad movies and Hallmark commercials = Perfectly normal "girlie" response...  Having a full-on hyperventilating, forced to breathe in and out of a paper bag, feeling like my heart is going to explode, panic attack because I don't know what I'm going to wear to my 1-year-old's birthday party = Not so much.

So I made an appointment to get back on some anti-crazy meds.  I figure I should probably do that before I go and do something completely irrational...  Like buy a six bedroom house...  or take in several teenage gang members and live the dream of driving around in a Partridge Family bus while making music with my new little family...  or move to Fiji and live in a shack on the beach while making a living by selling handmade flipflops made out of seashells.

Fortunately, my current impulsive ideas are more along the lines of wanting to break my lease and rent a house that I can (mostly) afford, take in one specific teen, possibly open up to a sibling group placement with one baby and one older sibling, and perhaps buy a minivan.  :-)  And course, attempt to promote my lullaby singing career on YouTube.  Monkey tells me I have talent in the lullaby singing department.  And I did successfully serenade an entire ER full of people (although unintentially) with my musical rendition of James Brown's "I Feel Good" during a recent trip to the children's hospital. ;-)

If I still want to rent a house and take in multiple kiddos after I've been on my meds for a little while, I'll probably do it.  But until I know it's not just Bipolar Girl talking, I need to try to avoid the multi-thousand dollar brain farts if at all possible.  :-) 


Andrea said...

Seriously love that you posted this with such honesty. I suffer from anxiety and it's very high at the time of goodbye. I've come to realize there is no shame in needing my Paxil daily. When I did try to wean off, I was a blubbering mess, no good to anyone. :)

CherubMamma said...

The Diet Coke part made me laugh out loud!

I'm glad to hear that you're taking care of yourself. No shame in any of that!! :)

Small Town Joy: said...

Good for you. But... if you do decide to move to Fiji and sell flip flops... I am totally in!

MamaFoster said...

Lol, I am like that every day...seriously

MamaFoster said...

Lol, I am like that every day...seriously

Mie said...

Get on with your bad self girl! For the record, I just love you. Even if you move to Fiji and sell sandals.

Barnicles said...

Are you still able to foster while taking meds? This interests me as I would worry it would work against me

Barnicles x

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