Ode to My Reduction - Two Days to Go

As the big day approaches, I find myself becoming a little bit nostalgic. Having massive hooters isn’t all bad. So, in the interest of fairness, I’ve decided to dedicate these last few days to a few of the good “big booby” qualities.

(Also to be performed to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas,but sing slowly, and reverently… Think violins and harps…)

On the first day after Boob Job

I say farewell to thee…

… Built-in cushions made of boobies…

(Have you ever gotten out of bed in the middle of the dark night, misjudged where you were, walked straight into the wall and broke your nose? Have you ever done a set of pushups, have your arms give out at the end, and fall down cracking your chin on the floor?

Well, I haven’t!!! I’ve been blessed to have breasts large enough to break the impact well before my nose or chin become endangered.

Not only do large breasts prevent bodily injury, they also make excellent floatation devices. I have yet to meet a large-breasted woman who couldn’t float indefinitely on her back. Life jacket? I don’t need one… I have built-in buoyancy.

I suppose I’ll just have to get used to facial injuries. And I should probably learn how to swim while I’m at it.)