Tuesday, December 13, 2011

You Can't Touch This!!!

Yes...  Someone is in DESPERATE need of a haircut!

(It should be noted that while this is indeed a monkey, it is not my Monkey.
It is, however, a remarkable representation of what his hair looks like at the moment.)

Foster care can definitely bring out the "crazy" in people, and that is very, very evident when it comes to bio parents and their children's hair.  One of the things that caseworkers and agencies stress over and over again is "Never cut foster children's hair without getting permission from the bio parents first!"  No problem!  It's easy enough to ask.  What I never imagined in my wildest dreams was that actually receiving permission to perform that much-needed task would take an act of Congress.

I have a theory as to why bio parents are so unreasonable when it comes to hair care.  I think that hair care is one of the few areas that bios still have some control, and they use it...  Even if it means their 2-year-old sports a rat's tail down to their ankles.  I suppose, in some ways, it's understandable.  Many of these parents are trying to hold onto whatever parental control they can have, and if hair care is all they can get, they will take it.  Often times to the extreme!

In Monkey's case, I don't think it's an issue of control.  I think it might actually be a cultural thing.  A cultural thing that doesn't bode well for poor Monkey...  After I was initally told "no haircut," a friend of mine said to me...  "I hate to tell you this, but if his parents are 'old school,' our people don't believe in cutting a baby's hair until after their first birthday...  Something about them going deaf if you do."

Poor Monkey...  He already looks like a troll doll on the verge of becoming Billy Ray Cyrus in his extreme mullet days.  I hate to think what he's going to look like three months from now after his 1st birthday!  My poor baby's gonna end up looking like an English sheepdog by the time he goes back to his parents (who, I am certain, will promptly get him a haircut).
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CherubMamma said...

Oh, how sweet of you to mention my Dude in your post. LOL I absolutely detest his rat tail!

Oh yeah, and Dolly's hair goes several inches past her bottom. Yes, she even has to keep her pony tails out of the way when she's going to the bathroom. But under no circumstances am I to cut one tiny hair on her head.

I believe it's both cultural and some weird thing going on in our case. A social worker said something about not cutting their hair until some relative (maybe even their bio dad) gets out of jail. <>

Julie said...

I have had bio parents take the "control" very seriously and not allow a child to get a haircut - just b/c they could say no. I've also had bio families not care what was done with the kids hair. I found my best strategy (especially for that baby's first haircut) is to invite the bio family along to Great Clips, etc. and pay for it myself and take lots of pictures for them and of them with their kiddo. I'm happy b/c the hair is cut - they are happy b/c they were a part of the moment :)

Dasaani said...

My FP neighbors had their little guy for two years and the bio's still wouldn't let them cut his hair. He was being constantly teased because his hair was almost down to his tush. The bio mum didn't care he was being tormented in school and wouldn't allow his hair to be cut. I can understand them having control, but when it further hurts the kids, I think that's where a line needs to be drawn.

Andrea said...

We had the same issue. It wasn't that the grandparents were against it, it's just that they wanted to give him his first hair cut. BUT we had to wait about 3 months before they could see him. He was a little black baby with a huge afro. And they did follow the 'no cuts before a year' tradition. It didn't bother me that much, but it drove my husband crazy :) I'll admit when he came back from a visit with them, he looked a lot better, I apparently didn't know what I was doing hair care wise :)

FootPrints said...

i'm totally with you on the control thing! totally! my baby j (2.5) looks like the little guy on the Jack playing card. he has a not so nice bob.

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