Um... So, yeah... I just had to share this because for once in my life, I am completely at a loss for words.
Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration. Believe me. I have words. I have LOTS of words about this one! But first, I need to attempt to clear the frightening image of what you are about to see from my brain, wipe the "laughing tears" from my eyes, catch my breath, and locate the words that will accurately describe my feelings about the following:
(I apologize in advance if you feel slightly violated and embarrassed upon viewing this. I know I sure did!)
Direct from last night's episode of "The Sing-Off..." The all male group, On the Rocks, performing Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
Don't get me wrong... These guys can sing! They are definitely talented (hence their status of being one of the top six groups on this show). My discomfort stems from their attempt at "choreography." If I had just closed my eyes and listened to their performance I don't think I would have been scarred for life as I am now.
My initial reaction when the song first started was, "Wow! That sounds real!" Then the lead guy came out and started doing his "sexy walk." I quickly realized that this guy is more feminine than I am, and I got a little worried. As the song progressed, I realized that most of these guys are more feminine that I am, and all I could think was, "Really? Are they serious?"
About halfway through the performance, the guys really start to get into it. All of the body rolls and stuff... And when the entire group got together and did that whole "spanking" thing... I sat there, completely dumbfounded, mouth agape, and for once... Speechless. Then, they all got down on the ground and slithered forward... "Oh, sweet Little Baby Jesus, tell me I did not just see that!" And Lead Guy did that whole "reverse humping" thing...
"NO!!! NO!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! PLEASE MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP!!!"
From that point on, I was laughing so hard that tears were pouring down my face. "One lump or two? (in soprano harmony, no less!)" The literal "pouring of the sugar" move... More "spanking..." Hands caressing the lead guy... Lead guy caressing himself... I was dying!!! I was absolutely dying in hysterical laughter (and at the same time, wanting to poke my own eyeballs out with hot pokers and curl into the fetal position and cry for my Mommy to make it stop).
All I can say is that I am so unbelievably glad that I wasn't a judge on that show last night. Although, I must admit, they handled it very well with comments like, "That was sweet alright! I really liked the choreography." "You had some rather 'artistic' moments in there." "You just can't help but smile when you watch that." (You're not kidding! ;-) Yep... Very proud of those judges! It took me a good 10 minutes to compose myself after that performance, so I doubt my "What the &$^# was that?!?" that I would have stumbled out between chuckles and blotting my eyes would have gone over very well. :-)
As one of the judges said, "I really wish you would have owned it just a little more. This is one of those songs where there's no turning back." I'm not entirely certain that's correct though... because I keep going back to it over and over again... mostly in my nightmares as I see Lead Guy doing that reverse humping thing in the middle of the stage... That was SO WRONG!!!