Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Biggest Loser... (Or Not)

When Katie and Sasha guilted me into joining Fat Class a couple of months ago, I started thinking that it might be a good idea to add a workout plan to the diet as well.  After a few physical therapy sessions for my ankle/leg, I got the green light from "Olga."  I remembered my sister, Christy, mentioning that she wanted to join LA Fitness, so I tagged along with her when she went to sign up and ended up joining myself.

I've been rather frustrated with my lack of weight loss progress.  I mean, seriously!  I joined Fat Class seven weeks ago and the gym three weeks ago!  Why haven't I seen any results?!?  I mentioned as much to Christy this weekend.  She just looked at me and said something along the lines of, "Tammy...  You dropped out of Fat Class after two weeks and you haven't set foot in the gym since you joined."

Whatever, Christy...  I paid my money!  I guess I should have joined Jenny Craig instead.  Lose 10 pounds for $20 or whatever their deal is...  I'd be skinny by now!  I've shelled out $120 already!

I have to admit, I'm getting a wee bit nervous about our upcoming cruise.  Sure, it's not until November, but Christy and Katie seem pretty committed to this whole "diet and exercise" thing.  Me...  Not so much.  I'm more committed to Taco Bueno and Mexican Inn. 

I knew I was in trouble when Sasha and I got an email from Katie a couple of weeks ago asking if we wanted to sign up for an exercise Boot Camp with her.  I nearly deleted the message after seeing the title alone, but I thought I would humor her and at least look at the link that she had forwarded.  Take a look and see what Katie thought would entice us to sign up. 

***Elite Boot Camp*** 

F'Real!?!  She has LOST HER MIND!  I took one look at the muscle-bound dude with the megaphone and wanted to run screaming for the hills.  Fortunately, Sasha agreed with me when I emailed Katie back and told her she had flipped her lid, lost her marbles, been taken over by aliens...  I believe Sasha's response was, "Oh HELLLL to the NO!"  Katie, slightly offended, asked us "What's wrong with a girl wanting to get a little exercise?"  Sasha replied, "Nothing.  As long as I don't have to participate!"  That's my girl!  ;-)

That same day, Katie also sent us a link to a blog on "clean eating," and told us that we should use it to get "healthy ideas on what to eat."  I kind of wanted to cry.  What happened to my Tex-Mex partner in crime, and why on earth is she sending me links to sites with foreign things called "EVOO" and "tofu?!?"  Doesn't she remember who she's talking to?!?  She knows I don't cook!  I asked her what the heck "EVOO" was and she said something like "You obviously don't watch any cooking shows."  You think?!? 

Apparently "EVOO" is extra-virgin olive oil.  Cool!  I actually have some of that!  Granted, I bought it when Angel was living with me and doing the cooking, but I have it.  I wouldn't have a clue what it's used for though.  And the name of it opened up an entire line of questions such as "Are there really levels of virginity for olives?"  I thought you were either a virgin or you weren't.  "Does an olive's level of 'virginization' truly matter?"  "Isn't it considered discrimination to refuse the use of de-virginized olives in the oil making process?"  Poor loose olives...  :(

I then had to tell the tale about my bad experience with tofu.  (Although, does a person ever really have a good experience with something called "tofu?")  I was hanging out at my best friend's house back in high school, and her mom made us hot dogs for lunch.  She neglected to tell us that they were tofu hot dogs until after we had both taken bites and looked at each other in horror because we were tricked into eating what I still swear was wet sand wrapped in pig skin.  If that is considered "healthy eating," I will stick with Mexican food, thank you very much.

I suppose at some point I'm going to have to cave to the peer pressure and actually go to the gym.  I'll probably even have to exercise at the gym at some point (although I would much rather park my rear in the sauna or lounge in the whirlpool.)  I don't want to be the only one wearing a mumu on the sandy white beaches of Cozumel though, and I'm not sure that I can convince Christy and Katie that the mumu is back.

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