Friday, July 15, 2011

Superhuman Baby Powers - Part Two

After my initial post about the superhuman powers that my child possesses, he seems to be morphing even more into some sort of "Superbaby" with abilities I didn't even know were possible for a 4-month-old!  Over the past week, Monkey has developed the following "superpowers."

  • Subliminal mind control - I don't know how he does it, but every single night, Monkey somehow manages to coax me out of a sound sleep, out of my bed, and down the stairs to heat up a bottle and go into his room to feed him...  Only to walk in and discover a soundly-sleeping baby!  I don't get it!  But I think it must have something to do with his next superpower...

  • The lung capacity of a blue whale - Monkey has never been a "crier."  He is, however, a whiner of epic proportions.  When he isn't squealing his dog whistle squeal, he is usually "talking" to himself in "whine."  I played the clarinet in school, and we had these things called "endurance contests," where you blow into your horn and see how long you can hold a single note.  Monkey does the same thing.  With his voice.  "Uuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....."  I timed him once.  25 minutes 37 seconds.  One continuous whine.  IN HIS SLEEP!  That, my friends, is impressive!

  • The ability to store massive quantities of baby food in ways similar to that of squirrels preparing for winter - With Monkey hitting the 4-month-old mark, his pediatrician gave us the "go ahead" to begin introducing baby foods.  He hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet, as he seems to store the entirety of his meal within the confines of his cheeks.  I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late.  His mouth appeared to be empty!  That was until I discovered his next "superskill..."

  • Projectile spitting - Well, not "spitting" so much as "waiting until he appears to have finished his meal and then choosing the exact moment that I put down his spoon to sneeze the hidden contents of his cheeks across the room."  I have found Stage 1 bananas and rice cereal 10 feet away!  And I have to admit, I am still rather perplexed as to how those peas ended up on the ceiling behind his highchair.  True talent, you have to admit...  But perhaps Monkey's most amazing skill is...

  • His Houdini-like ability to escape from virtually any restraining device. - I don't know how he does it, but I have had to "retire" nearly every piece of baby equipment that Monkey had previously enjoyed up to this point.  I have awoken to the sound of ripping velcro every morning this week as Monkey attempts to unstrap himself from his Tucker sling.  He tends to look rather smug and proud of himself each morning as I walk into the nursery to greet him.  I can no long put him in his bouncer because he immediately turns on his side, slips a leg out of the harness and attempts to pull himself over the top to the floor.  His swing has become some kind of amusement park ride where he thinks it's sole purpose is to allow him a feeling of "flying" as he leans forward over the edge, spreads his arms wide, and squeals in delight.  "Nothing on earth can hold Houdini a prisoner!"  Oiy!!!
In addition to his superhuman abilities, my child is also becoming quite the environmentalist.  Water conservation appears to be his calling as he has single-handedly filled our community swimming pool with the 10,000 gallons of drool that escapes his mouth each day.  I haven't had to shower in a week due to the never-ending spit "baths" I have received every day.  We are also in the midst of a nasty drought and I believe we are on Day 14 of 100+ degree weather.  With water restrictions all over, I have been tempted to lend Monkey out to family and friends to "water" their yards with his saliva.  I think we might be able to rig up some kind of harness/pulley system and let him "fly" over the grass while his drool dribbles down to the dry ground below.  That is, if he doesn't escape the harness first!  ;-)

Yep!  My kid is special!  I am quite the proud mama.  What can your kid to?  :-)

1 comment:

My Fam-i-Lee said...

so funny! The little people in my house never cease amazing us either!

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