Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Superhuman Baby Powers

It's a bird!!!
It's a plane!!!!



In the 7 1/2 weeks since Monkey came to me, it is becoming increasingly clear that my newest child has special abilities unparalleled by mere mortals.  I know most parents tend to think that their children are exceptional in every way.  That whole "love is blind" thing that causes otherwise rational people to enroll their rather unfortunate-looking 2-month-old in modeling school because they smile when they pass wind...  But in Monkey's case, I don't think I'm exaggerating in the least little bit!  ;-)

  • My baby is capable of producing deadly natural gasses with such potency and force that they have the potential to irradicate entire rebel nations.

  • My child becomes an octopus with superhuman strength upon placing him on the changing table.

  • My child has the ability to break glass and bring people to their knees with his voice alone as he has mastered the fine art of squealing at ear-piercing decibels that rival that of the finest dog whistle.

  • My child can render virtually anyone (with the exception of the totally hairless) powerless with his hair-tangling, vice-like grip.  Want to see a grown man cry?  Just let my child at his underarm or chest hair...  Works every time.

  • My child has secret weapons known as "lobster claw toes."  His razor-sharp toenails seem to grow at a rate that not even the most vigilant Mama can control.  If his hair-tangling, vice-like grip doesn't rendor you helpless, his lobster claw toes will.

  • Yes, MY baby has Superhuman Baby Powers!  What can YOUR baby do?  ;-)

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Julie said...

This post cracked me up!!

Mama P said...

Haha!!! I didn't realize our placements were so close together! We've had Princess and Squishy for six weeks. :) MY super toddler can reach things from across the room while in her crib (still havent figured that one out). MY super toddler can eat a man-sized plate of food in 5 minutes flat and then break plates because there is no more. MY super toddler can completely turn into stone when given a task to do that she chooses not to. I mean, statue.of.stone. NOT.budging. It's awesome. ;)

Our super baby is the easiest baby in the entire world, probably God's way of making up for his super sister...our house must be his disabling kryptonite because he's just squishy.

Learning To Abandon said...

haha love it! Sounds like a superhero if I've ever heard of one!

My Fam-i-Lee said...

This post made my day! So funny!

Varner's of Frisco said...

This is your best post ever!

My toddler superpower the ability to escape from everything! His favorite it is to get out of the straps in his stroller and jump out.

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