It's a bird!!!
It's a plane!!!!
In the 7 1/2 weeks since Monkey came to me, it is becoming increasingly clear that my newest child has special abilities unparalleled by mere mortals. I know most parents tend to think that their children are exceptional in every way. That whole "love is blind" thing that causes otherwise rational people to enroll their rather unfortunate-looking 2-month-old in modeling school because they smile when they pass wind... But in Monkey's case, I don't think I'm exaggerating in the least little bit! ;-)
- My baby is capable of producing deadly natural gasses with such potency and force that they have the potential to irradicate entire rebel nations.
- My child becomes an octopus with superhuman strength upon placing him on the changing table.
- My child has the ability to break glass and bring people to their knees with his voice alone as he has mastered the fine art of squealing at ear-piercing decibels that rival that of the finest dog whistle.
- My child can render virtually anyone (with the exception of the totally hairless) powerless with his hair-tangling, vice-like grip. Want to see a grown man cry? Just let my child at his underarm or chest hair... Works every time.
- My child has secret weapons known as "lobster claw toes." His razor-sharp toenails seem to grow at a rate that not even the most vigilant Mama can control. If his hair-tangling, vice-like grip doesn't rendor you helpless, his lobster claw toes will.
- Yes, MY baby has Superhuman Baby Powers! What can YOUR baby do? ;-)