Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Not Sure I'm Liking Mr. F@cebook Ad Man

When I turned 35 a couple of years back, I began to notice a distinct shift in my ads on F@cebook.  What were previously links to exotic travel locales and fantastic shopping locations changed to ads for AARP and  weight loss medication seemingly overnight.  Call me crazy, but I thought that I had at least a few good years left before I neared retirement!

Within a week, I had received scores of ads which would give even the most secure, self-assured individual a complex:

  • "For Women Over 35 with Stubborn Belly Fat"
  • "For Middle-Aged Chunky Women Looking for Love"
  • "Vitamin Supplements for Women Over 35"
  • Ads for that special yogurt that "regulates your digestive system" - WITH A COUPON!
  • Products for the "Mature Woman Over 35"
  • "Middle-Aged and STILL Single?"
  • Ads for life insurance and discounts for creating and/or updating your will

My personal favorite was the stalking of the underarm hair laser removal ad.  It followed me for days, popping up on every page.  Just what exactly were they trying to say?!?  I was pretty sure I was offended.  After having a nightmare that I had the underarm hair of a Sasquatch one night, I sent out a desperate plea to Mr. F@cebook Ad Man.

"Okay, Mister!  You need to STOP IT!  Yes, I am 35.  My life is not over!   No, I can not braid my armpit hair!  Yes, I am 'still' single.  No, I am not 'desperately looking for love.'  Yes, I 'have stubborn belly fat,' but I've had that for the past 20 something years.  Where were you then, Mr. F@cebook Ad Man?!?  Where were you then?!?  If I get one more ad for 'middle-aged chunky girls looking for love' you and I are gonna have words.  And not nice words at that!"
I knew that my desperate pleas must have been heard because the next time I logged onto my computer, the offending ads had been replaced by an advertisement for pole dancing classes!  Now that's what I'm talking about!!!  This "chunky middle-aged girl's" still got it!  I can totally get down with some pole dancing classes!  So I click on the ad...

"This Month's Special - Discounted Classes for Women Over 35!!!"

That is SO wrong.

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