See? I told you they didn't last long. :-) It always helps me to write, and what started out as a "woe is me" pity party, turned into me trying to explain (to myself mostly) why it's so hard for everyone to be just as excited for me during my "foster pregnancies" as they are for everyone else during their traditional pregnancies or adoptions. It's hard for people to be excited for me when what they see is the inevitable hurt, and I completely understand that. (Sidenote - If you are one of the people who aren't excited for me, and it's only because you really just don't give a crap, please don't tell me. Just go with my excuse and no one will get hurt ;-).
Having to have a hysterectomy at 30 years old was hard, but in a strange way, it was also one the best things that has ever happened to me. If I hadn't had it, I would still be in pain. I would still be holding on to the slim chance that I might be able to get pregnant through IVF. I would always wonder, "what if..." Quite honestly, it's not the whole "being pregnant" thing that I'm sad about missing out on. I know I'd make a lousy pregnant person! I do not like to be uncomfortable. I do not like to be sick. I do not like having to pee every five minutes. I do like Diet Coke! I do like to sleep on my stomach. And I most definitely do not want to go through the whole squeezing a baby out of my girlie parts thing! I just get a little sad about missing out on the excitement that comes with pregnancy. In the end though, all that really matters is that I get to be "mommy" to more little ones than anyone I know.
If I had been able to get pregnant on my own, I'd probably feel like that was cheating and doing it the "easy" way... And goodness know, I certainly don't do things the "easy" way! Where's the fun in that?!? I say, "Go big, or go home!" :-) Sure, that might be Bipolar Girl talking, but Bipolar Girl ROCKS when she's on a high! ;-)
*** Another sidenote - Okay... I have discovered the real reason that people might be a little less than enthusiastic about my impending motherhood... I've had several offers to help me after my last post, and I realized that what I really need help with is someone to clean my bathrooms before tomorrow's homestudy. Heck! I'm less than enthusiastic about that! No wonder everyone seems to be avoiding me! ;-)
I love you guys!!! :-)